Page 38 of Hot Puck
“Um…”
I glance over my shoulder to see one set of blue and two sets of caramel-brown eyes on me. Turning, I eye each of them hoping for an actual answer.
Chase finally speaks. “Maybe you should cook while we clean up.”
“Yes. You cook, we’ll clean,” Crystal agrees, her elbow nudging her sister’s side. “We aren’t allowed to use the stove alone and Chase burns everyth?—”
“Hey! I do not.”
“You always burn pancakes,” Cassidy says, hands on hips. “Don’t lie.”
“Fine, I struggle with pancakes, but I don’t burn anything else.”
“All right, I’ll cook, you all clean.” Moving over to the stove, I glance at Chase. “Can you work out how to use the coffee machine?”
“I can do it!” Cassidy pushes her brother aside. “What kind do you like?”
“Ah…surprise me. As long as it’s coffee, I’ll be happy.”
“Okay. I’ll make you Dad’s favorite. He says it’s the only way to start the day.”
When she finishes speaking there isn’t a sound. None of the Hawkins siblings move either.
It’s like they’re all holding their breath, waiting to see what will happen after the mention of their father.
The silence drags too long, I know someone needs to break it and I don’t want it to be any of them. I want them to feel comfortable talking about their parents in any way they choose to.
“Only way? Well, how can I refuse that?” I pick up the bowl of pancake batter. “How quickly does this pan heat? You’re probably burning them because the pan is too hot.”
From the corner of my eye, I see Chase shake his head slightly. “I usually have the heat up high,” he says as he moves next to me.
“Well, let me show you how to make the perfect pancake. It begins with a medium heat, never too high or too low. And it takes practice.”
“Like hockey,” Crystal says as she moves in on the other side of me. “You just need to learn how to do it right and keep practicing.”
My gaze meets Chase’s before he says, “Yeah, Stell, I guess it is like hockey.”
“Leave the clean-up for a minute and come close so I can show you how to make the perfect golden pancake.”
With the Hawkins family crowding around me, I teach them how to make the best Sunday morning breakfast. One I’ve had on my own too many times to count.
One I want to share with this family not just today, but many days in the future.
Chase
I can’t lie, Natalie has been a lifesaver. And not just because she dives in and helps wherever it’s needed without being asked. Just having another adult around has made things seem easier, less overwhelming and out of control.
In the three days Natalie has been here the girls have smiled more than they have in the past few months.
I hadn’t realized how much I missed the twins’ cheeky cheerful demeanors until Natalie’s presence brought a lot of it back out from under the cloud of grief.
Fuck, even I’ve been happier, and I’ve smiled so much my face is starting to hurt.
And I can’t deny the ache in my chest isn’t as sharp. I expected it to be worse when she first arrived with her offer. Dangling my lifelong dream in front of me when I could see no way of accepting it seemed cruel.
But as the days have passed, I realize it is anything but that. It’s a lifeline. A different direction than the one I thought I had to take.
I might be determined to make sure the girls have the lives they want just as our parents would have, but now I see it’s possible for me to have what I always dreamed of too. I don’t have to give up the life I worked so hard to achieve to take care of our family.
