Page 108 of Hot Damn
I don’t remember wanting it this sharply when I was having sex either.
When I was with Whit’s mom she always initiated, always took the lead, gave directions, and with the lust scorching my veins since I kissed Cam last night, I know I never truly desired Catrina physically.
The sensations and emotions I’ve experienced with Cam are real in a way they never were with Whit’s mom even though I thought I was in love with her.
I’m sure I should see a therapist, probably look into it for Whit as well as myself, especially in the future when I tell her about her mom.
Meeting Cami, developing feelings for her, emotional and physical, has shone a light on my previous relationship like nothing else ever has.
It was all a lie.
To an extent I knew that, accepted Catrina didn’t love me the way I loved her, but now…
Now I know I didn’t love her at all. I loved the attention, the validation her perceived affection gave me. For someone starved of that for most of my life, it was addicting.
Except it was all fake.
From the moment she singled me out and offered to pay for my lunch, to the last time we were together only hours before I heard her make the appointment to abort our baby. All of it an act to suit her own needs.
And while I thought I understood why I was referred to as a victim, in the last twelve hours I’ve come to accept I was one.
I was preyed upon by a woman who’d gotten away with it before. A woman who would have done it again if I hadn’t wanted to protect my child.
A child who’s now a young woman and about to leave me alone in the house with the woman I can’t stop thinking about having sex with.
“Are you sure it’s okay?” Whit asks as she shoves a sweater in her bag.
“Yes, of course.” I’ve never wanted to push Whit away before, but right now I’m on the verge of shoving her out the door.
Her gaze flickers over mine. “You’re not worried about me?”
“Always. But I trust Chase and Natalie to look after you and I know you aren’t stupid. You won’t put yourself in a dangerous situation and if you find yourself in one, you’ll do everything you can to get out of it.”
“Huh.” Whit tilts her head and studies me like I’m a puzzle to be solved.
For a second I wonder if she can see right through me, if she can see the reason I’m letting her out of my sight so soon after the incidents with Kenneth Dupre and Herman Draper is so I can be alone with Cami.
The doorbell interrupts her scrutiny and with a smile andquick kiss to my cheek, she dashes for the door. “If you need me to come home, just call.”
“I won’t.”
“But if you do, I’m okay with it.”
“Whitbee, go, enjoy the day and I’ll see you tonight.”
“Will you tell Cami I said goodbye?” she tosses over her shoulder.
“Of course.”
“And make sure she takes it easy. I know she seemed normal last night, but she still needs to rest,” she tells me like I’ve never taken care of anyone before.
“Whit?”
With her hand on the front door, she looks back at me. “Yeah?”
“I’ve taken care of you multiple times over the years, I think I can handle making sure Cami doesn’t overdo it today.”
With a sheepish grin, she says, “Yeah, okay. I just feel bad that I get to have fun today and you two are stuck inside the house.”
