Page 42 of Hot Damn
After our call last night, I thought maybe we’d cut through his initial hostility. And Whitney let me know they’re both aware I’m an owner of the team even if I don’t advertise I am.
But this morning’s message was weird. Or maybe I’m being weird because after sleeping in Beckett’s bed, showering in his shower, I’m feeling a little off-kilter. The excited zip of anticipation I got when I saw his name flash on my phone screen didn’t help.
I admire him for what he’s done with Whitney and his career, but I’m not sure I like him. I like him as a father. I can’t deny that.And he reminds me of Dad so that could account for the buzz of pleasure I got when his text came in.
Except he kind of ruined it with his words. So abrupt and sterile.
Pick me up at 2:30. We’ll get Whit before her car.
I’m not sure what I expected. If I should have expected anything more than I got. It’s hard to put a finger on how I feel about Beckett because in the short time I’ve known him, in the scant minutes I’ve spent in his presence, I’ve run a gauntlet of emotions.
Defense. Anger. Amusement. Dislike. Like. Concern.
It’s better with Whitney.
I really like her. She’s such a pleasure to be around. And she’s an extension of Beckett so how can I like her and not him?
I swear, I’m getting emotional whiplash from this man and I don’t like it.
Everything about it reminds me of my biological mother and the see-saw of contradicting behavior she’s displayed my whole life.
I don’t need that upheaval. I cut all ties—well, I tried to cut them all—with Andrea years ago because I didn’t want that kind of turmoil in my life. Especially after Mom gave me unconditional love and stability the way my birth mother should have.
Except I can’t deny I’m drawn to the Higgisons. It’s like an invisible tether, with a retraction mechanism slowly winding me closer and closer.
On one hand I want to get closer.
On the other I want to run far, far away.
I’ve never been wishy-washy like this. Never found it hard to make a decision about something. But I can’t decide what to do about the father and daughter duo.
I know one thing though.
I’m stuck with them for now. I need to see this thing through, need to be sure someone isn’t out to hurt either of them.
Because for some reason I think they’ve been hurt before.Beckett more than Whitney. But there’s something about him that trips a switch inside me, has me wanting to protect them both.
It could be because of the way Draper went at him that first night or it could be something else. Whatever it is, as an owner of the Rogues it’s kind of my job to make sure they’re okay. Safe.
I’m invested more than that though.
Every instinct I have is telling me they need me to stick close.
It’s puzzling and exciting and confusing.
I’ve never lost my head over a guy. Not even Dwight and we dated for four years before calling it quits.
Beckett Higgison and his daughter are going to turn my life upside down.
Hell, they already are.
Beckett
Iwipe down the kitchen counter.
Again.
And curse myself an idiot.
