Page 110 of Revenge Is a Dish Best Served… Wearing Heels?
Not sure what to say, I studied him.
He scratched the back of his neck, the corners of his mouth quirking ever so slightly. "Maybe it was that one thrust."
I blinked, not sure I could believe my eyes. "Are you seriously smiling right now?"
"I'm smiling?"
"Yes. Yes, you are." I pointed at him, at his stupidly handsome face. "You're totally smiling right now."
"I... I'm sorry." Maybe he tried to stifle it, but his smile only grew slightly wider. "I'm just... this is good news. Don't you think?"
"Good news? The fact that I'm pregnant? You think that's good news?"
"It will be. Once we, uh, figure things out."
"Figure things out? You think we can figure things out?"
"Absolutely, I do."
The nerve of this man.
"Well, here's the thing," I said, determined to give him a piece of my mind. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said. And even if you didn't do the actual deed, even if you didn't know about the actual posters beforehand, you were still knowledgeable about the bullying in general. And for that, I just can't forgive you."
His face fell, making me feel like I'd crushed his dreams. But I didn't have time for that. I'd just found out for sure I was pregnant.
"You were silent about it all," I went on, steel in my voice. "You didn't stand up for me. I can't forgive someone who couldn't stand up for someone who was drowning in pain. Your popularity gave you the power to shut it down, which you could have done in an instant. But you didn't even care."
His eyes nearly popped out of his head with my last comment.
"You... you think I didn't care? Jesus," he muttered more to himself than to me, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up in the front. "I care. And Ididcare. But the truth is, I didn't even see it.I... I didn't realize what was happening. I was in my own head too much, caught in my parents' mess, trying to survive the nightmare that was home. Their divorce was a war that never ended, and I didn't know how to stop it. My world was falling apart, and I didn't have the strength at that age to step into anyone else's. I had so much anger and hurt inside me. I wasn't even aware of what was happening around me."
The raw pleading in his eyes, his words, his sincere expression... it all combined and softened me, that lump in my throat making it nearly impossible to swallow. Or speak.
Taking my silence as a cue to go on, he opened his mouth again to speak. "I should have noticed and intervened. I should have stood up for you. You didn't deserve any of that, and my silence made me complicit in a way, even if it wasn't intentional. And for that I'm so sorry, truly sorry."
A tear escaped and I swiped it away, not able to take my eyes off him. He was either delivering an Oscar-caliber performance, or he was being gut-wrenchingly honest, and I wasn't sure which to believe.
I'd spent a full decade—a decade—believing this man was the devil, and my mind couldn't fathom that he might not be the villain from hell, the grooves in my brain so entrenched it was like trying to alter the course of an ancient river.
"I can't change the past," he said, his voice a rasp. "I can't pretend like I didn't hurt you unintentionally. I was so lost, so focused on my own chaos, but... but that's no excuse. I should have noticed. God, I should have noticed. If I could go back and fix it, I would."
He covered my hand with his, grasping me firmly, like he was imploring me with his body to believe him, to trust him.
"But I didn't laugh at you," he said, the conviction in his tone something that would rival my father in court. "And I sure as hell never thought less of you. But I should have seen what was happening to you, and I should have done something. I regret that deeply."
God help me, but I was starting to believe him,wantedto believe him. What he was saying made sense. It really did.
But was I just being a gullible fool? It wouldn't be the first time, not with my tendency to see the best in people.
What I really needed right now was my sisters, their opinions, their advice, their thoughts on whether or not Tristan was being genuine. But I couldn't exactly call them right now.
His hand squeezed mine, the warmth and strength of him something I was desperate to grab a hold of and infuse inside my body.
"I don't know how to make up for everything I did or didn't do back then, Astrid. But I'm here now, and I'm ready to show you I'll do whatever it takes to be the man you deserve. You haveno idea how much I want to be a part of your life... of our child's life... if you'll let me."
Oh, dear lord. His words were killing me.
That was it. I needed to say something, needed to come to some kind of decision, on my own, without my sisters' input. Besides, I already knew what they'd say... at least, Annalise, who'd probably insist I kick him in the nuts and tell him to go to hell, although Aria seemed to be softening toward him lately, surprisingly.
