Page 18 of Sinister Hearts
Somehow I had made it out of my memories and back into my empty bed with cum all over my sheets. A bed I wished she was in. Was I insane for having these thoughts? She had a whole life after me; a marriage and a kid. Maybe I didn’t even know her at all anymore. Maybe she wasn’t even that girl that I fell in love with. It was so long ago, and both our lives had changed so much. I’d seen a lot of Stefani in the town over the years, and she was always welcoming and kind to me. Even though I had broken her daughter’s heart. She never mentioned her to me and I never asked. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, no matter how badly I wanted to. When I had heard she ran off just a few months after our breakup with an older guy, I thought she would be happier with him. Even though it killed me inside. Even though I thought of her every day for five long, miserable years. I loved Faye so deeply I just wanted her happy, even if it wasn’t with me.
Faye remembered me as a young adolescent who broke her heart. The farm boy who was too scared to fight for what he loved out of insecurity and uncertainty. I was not that young boy anymore. I had done and seen things in these last five years that I wouldn’t even know how to speak out loud to her. The thought of her running away from me, after finding out the truth I’d come to live and face, was a hard pill to swallow.
I looked down at my Reaper ring, playing with it with my thumb. I was a Grimwood, always would be. This was my life,my mission.A Grimwood or not, I highly doubted she would even entertain this life of morbidity and secrets. After her reaction to me the last couple of times, it was like I was a disease and she wanted to stay as far away from me as possible. Which was fair, considering the note we left off. But it was splitting me in two. How long would she deny our connection?Damn stubborn woman. After Faye and I split I became a wreck. I was drinking just to forget her and getting into trouble and fights. I was already numb, so nothing else mattered. I had lost more than Faye. I lost myself too. I spent every second that first year numbing myself in Norway, running away from us, just like she did. The thought of her marrying and baring someone else’s child was like a knife to the gut, and I was bleeding out, dying a slow miserable death. I'd rather reap a thousand souls than relive the pain of losing her again.
Ma and I took Birdie to the Autumn Farmer’s Market for some meat and produce to last us the week. I tried to give her some money to help out, but she refused. She was so damn stubborn. It was no secret where I got it from.
“Put it in your savings, I’m fine.” She woke up every Sunday, as early as she could to get the best pickings.
“Mama, look. It’s hay for horsies.” Birdie pointed to the alfalfa, reaching for the straw-like herb. I grabbed a few strawsand handed them to her. Birdie clapped her hands.“Gracias, Mama.” Birdie waved the alfalfa in the air.
How the smallest of things brighten up a child’s day. I wished I could be more like her; more appreciative and in the moment. Sometimes children really were the best teachers. You just had to be present, and pay attention. Those moments were swift. Until now, Birdie was a city kid, not used to the small town wonders. Everything was new and interesting. It was a world of new wonder.
“You gonna pay for that, ma’am?” A low voice asked.
I sighed, immediately recognizing that deep, raspy tone.Of course he would be here. Why wouldn’t he be? Mostly everything in this Farmer’s Market came from the Grimwood farm. How could I be so absent-minded? I couldn’t get away from this cowboy. This daunting, egotistical, fucking man. I wanted to choke him, kiss him, and slap him. I’m not sure which reaction would play out first.
This man was everywhere I was, constantly. Were these coincidences, or was this puto making sure to run into me? For some reason that thought made me smirk, and then I was immediately pissed off that this man was getting these types of reactions out of me. His woodsy scent filled my senses. Bastard.
I turned to see Jax in his Levi jeans, snapback, work boots, and that stupid rugged handsome face. His short sleeve tee hugged his muscular tattooed biceps. I tried not to pay attention while he was baling alfalfa out of his pick-up truck.
“What do I owe you?” I asked, rummaging through my small second-hand purse.
“It’s on the house, I was just giving you a hard time.” Jax smirked as he grabbed a straw of alfalfa and tapped the tip of my nose. “She can keep it.” Jaxon winked at me.
“Yay!” Birdie shouted from the cart in complete bliss.
“Thanks, but you don’t have to do that, really.” I offered money to him from my thin leather wallet.
“Calm down, Faye, it’s just a few straws, it’s not gonna break me or nothin’.” Jax handed the extra few straws to Birdie, tucking them in her hair by her ear.
Yup, I’m going to melt right here in this damn Farmer’s Market, and I’ll never live it down.
“So, she’s yours?” Jaxon asked.
I swallowed hard, realizing how awkward this was. “Yes, this is Birdie, my daughter,” I stammered, the moment becoming still between us. My mouth had become dry again.
“Hey, I’m Jax, little lady.” He took his hand out for a handshake.
Birdie looked at him, dismissing the handshake, and waved. “Hi!” Birdie was thrilled with her alfalfa. “My name is Birdie!” she replied, cheesy and silly.
“That is a very nice name, Birdie. You know you look like your mama when she was a kid?”
Birdie covered her cheeky smile. “I do?” Birdie was shocked by the news, genetics not making sense to her just yet.
“Yup, I met your mama when we were eight years old. A little bit older than you. We used to go to school together. She was my best friend.” Jaxon gazed intently at me as he spoke to Birdie, but instead it was like he was talking to me directly with our eyes having another conversation entirely.
Birdie chuckled shyly.
I gulped my thundering heartbeat into my throat, my eyes beginning to sting. I tried to blink the burning sensation away. This bastard knew what he was doing and he was doing it well.Fuck my life.
We stood there just staring at each other, feeling that tether pull on my heart string—the last one standing. Ma came fromaround the corner in due time to break the silence that had fallen between us.
“Hi mijo, you got any goodies for me this morning?” Ma asked, looking around for the best pick.
I looked at her, surprised. It seemed like they were almost friends? For some reason it bothered me, and it didn’t. I couldn’t pinpoint what I was feeling at that moment. I just knew I was feeling a lot.
“Yup, give me a sec,” Jax told Ma, as he headed to the freezer they had set out, and came back with ten pounds of meat.
