Page 41 of Sinister Hearts
“You’re not my wife anymore, remember? YOU LEFT ME! YOU FUCKING LOW LIFE CUNT!!” His words no longer affected me, immune to his venom.
“You and I had an agreement!” I screamed at him through the phone.
“You really are a stupid bitch, aren’t you?” Vadon laughed manically into the phone. “No signed paperwork, no agreement, sweetheart.”
My chest caved as my breath caught in my throat. “No. No, you can't do this,” I begged, gasping for air
“Actually, I can. You see, you took my family from me, so now I’m going to take everything from you!” Vadon’s volatile tone hit me like a known target.
“Birdie needs a vehicle! I have to make it to work, or I’ll be fired!” I begged into the phone, hating myself for it once more. “Our child depends on me, Vadon, don’t you care? Don’t you understand?” I sobbed, hoping to find some sort of heart this man never had.
“It’s not my problem anymore,” he seethed into the phone.
Click.
I glanced at my phone in disbelief. THIS MOTHERFUCKER! I kicked at the dirt, screaming. I pounded on the dirt, hoping Satan himself could hear my screams. My skin began to tingle again, as the hair on my body rose, feeling hot, vacant from my own body. I wanted him to suffer, to feel pain, just like I am now. I let the tears drown me in a sea of pity, in a sea of hopelessness and dread. My left eye went white as snow as I tried to blink the sanity away. “What is happening to me?” I sobbed. I looked at my hands, knowing they were mine, yet they felt unrecognizable.
It was late when I heard a soft knock at the door. I looked at the time—it was nearly two a.m. I grabbed my .44 and headed to the door, peeping out the window, and saw Faye standing there drenched in the cold rain. I opened the door in a hurry.
“What the hell, Faye?” I grabbed her from outside. She stood there, shaking, her eyes empty and pale.
“He took it,” she said. I cloaked her with a blanket that I grabbed from the couch.
“Sit down, baby. Who took what?” I asked, trying to understand.
She sat there on the couch, shaking and repeating herself. “He’s punishing me,” she said, stoic, rocking herself back and forth.
“Baby, please talk to me.” I grabbed her face but I couldn’t find her. She was gone again. “Faye, look at me.” She looked at me with her dark, empty eyes as tears streamed down her face.
“He clipped my wings again,” she sobbed, and I pulled her into my chest. “He took my car because I wouldn’t give into him,” she whispered beneath her cries.
“Wait, you’re saying he took your car because you wouldn’t get back with him?” Her words now made sense.
“Yes,” she said, rocking herself back and forth. “He’s trying to break me. He’s trying to end me, so I can get fired. So he can take her, Jax. Don’t you understand what he’s doing? Don’t you see it? This is what he does!” She cried harder into my chest and fury built up inside me. This motherfucker. I picked her up and walked her to my bedroom, placing her on my bed. She just sat there, staring into blank space. I started a warm bath and added lavender bath salts and bubbles before turning off the lights and lighting up some candles. I undressed her out of her soaked clothes as she stood there, crying and panting.
“Nobody can clip your wings, baby girl, not as long as I’m here.” I picked her up and placed her into the warm bath. She sat there silent as I washed her body, and watched her cry endless tears. “Look at me, Faye.” She looked at me, broken. “You’re going to use my truck to get to work, and use it for whatever Birdie needs. I don’t care how long. I have my bike and I can use Ryker’s truck for the farm. We’re going to help you. It’s going to be okay, do you hear me?” She stared at me, her expression blank. “I’m not going to let you fall, I promise, baby.”
After washing her off, I dressed her in a tee and some boxers and laid her down in my bed. We just laid there silently while I held her tight against me. After a while of silence I could hear the slow repetition of her breaths as she fell asleep. It was then. It was this exact moment I let the anger combust from the inside out. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to break him, shatter him, just like he did my Faye. I wanted his blood stained on my skin. This motherfucker was playing games with my ljos? This motherfucker did this out of spite because she wouldn’t give in to him. Making her and Birdie suffer? He wanted her to fail just so he could take Birdie from her. This motherfucker was sick and he needed to be fucking ended. The games, the threats, the post-abuse. I had seen enough. I was going to make this sack of shit disappear. He wouldn’t get the chance to break Faye again.
Men like Vadon thought they were invincible, hiding behind their money, and their fancy lawyers. No amount of money was going to save him where I planned on taking him. If he wanted to play games with my girl, he was now going to play games with Death. The time was now.
Today was a day I’ve spent excruciating years trying to forget. It was Thanksgiving and this day always triggered me. Things were going well with Jax, but it seemed like the past was still haunting me. Dealing with secrets of my own that I battled silently, things beyond my explanation. The vastness was growing in my chest with anxiety and panic. I paced to my bathroom so I could rinse my face. In the same tiled bathroom with floral wallpaper I had been in that same day. That day beingmy undoing. My heart was left desolate. Scarred and wounded beyond any magical spells or crystals could heal. Nothing would ever make me forget. Nothing ever could. I was holding on to the agonizing ache that I carried like a ball and chain.
Pain was the only reminder that it was real. That I didn’t dream of your existence. You were here, but angels aren’t meant to thrive here. Some souls are just too good for this world. I wasn’t too sure if I believed in heaven. But I did believe that your soul was infinite. Passing on to other realms in 5d, without the 4d nuisance. No body, all energy and spirit. The same energy that lives inside us infinitely. Our bodies may pass, but our souls live on. Some souls tragically stuck here while their souls reincarnate, until their generational curses and traumas are healed. This theory always comforted me in my solace, knowing at some point I’d always make it back to my loved ones. Maybe that is why my soul is permanently exhausted. A kind of tiredness, not even sleep can fix. The floral pattern on the bathroom walls caught my eye.
Six years ago-
I could smell Ma’s oven-baked turkey and ham. The delicious aroma made my stomach grumble. My favorite was her green bean casserole. Lately all I craved was beans, which was insanity because I hated beans, and I knew Ma had started to grow suspicious. Thank the gods it was the season of cooler months, and I could hide my bloated belly underneath hoodies and sweaters.
“Bean” is what we named our unknown baby. I was twelve weeks today and still couldn’t fully grasp that life was growing inside my womb. We both had just turned nineteen. Were we ready? Most definitely not. By all means, this was not how I expected life to go, but here we were. Jax and I were going to try and make the best of it. He promised me we would figure it out. We spoke of plans to move into the cabin northwest of the farm quarters. A cabin that had been vacant for some time. It was now used to store farm equipment and materials. I wasn’t sure when I’d tell Ma. I wasn’t showing yet, and so far no one had suspected a thing. The only one who would out me was Stevie, constantly smelling Bean and perking up his ears every time I was tending to the horses.
“Shh, boy, Ma doesn’t know yet and I don’t want to give her a heart attack on Thanksgiving day, so behave and be cool,” I whispered to him, Stevie rubbed his muzzle on my belly, his mane wagging back and forth in excitement. I took off my boots and coat, rinsing my hands when I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the left side of my belly. I scrunched over in pain and dropped the shovel on the barn wood floor. Breathing through the pain, I headed to the kitchen for some water.
I laid in bed with cramps and pains for what seemed like hours, too prideful and scared to reveal my secret. Desperation began to sink me under its grasp, a part of me knowing deep down something was very wrong. I got another sharp pain so intense, I ran to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet in agony. I wiped, and an alarming amount of blood stained the toilet paper and the toilet bowl. I shook and immediately began to scream. Shock began settling in. All I could do was sink to the floor in my puddled white sweatpants. Drowning in my pain, my body in shock, I began to shake furiously, vomiting in the sink as it all became too much. Not knowing what was happening to me, all I could do was stay frozen as I screamed.
“Please help me!” I begged anyone, to any god that could hear my torment, and for once in my life prayed to the gods I didn’t even believe in. I lifted my bloody, shaky hands, staring at them in shock. The bathroom wallpaper in the background was becoming blurry. “No, no, no, please!” I pleaded to none one and everything all at once. Ma barged into the blood stained bathroom, finding me on the floor, everything fading out as my consciousness left me. The darkness comforted me, taking me deep under its undertow, not wanting to wake up from this peaceful sleep, where I felt nothing.
I awoke slowly as my vision orbed in and out, my eyesight still blurry. My senses slowly faded back in, the hospital’s monitors beeping noise casually waking me from my peaceful sleep. I could smell latex and alcohol, fuck, I knew this distinction all too well. I despised the smells of hospitals. The noises and scent of hospitals reminded me of all my childhood visits, going through hours of testing, the doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with me. My vision narrowed in and solidified every object, and it became clear. I remembered why I was here. I brought my hand full of IVs to my belly. My bean was gone. The wails began crawling from my throat, not being able to keep them in, my tears trying to cleanse my loss. “Bean, please come back,” I sobbed.
