Page 45 of Stella's Christmas Rescue
She asks, “What are your pizza toppings?”
“Sausage and mushrooms, usually. Favorite film?”
“Casablanca. You?”
“Depends on the day, but usually Aliens.”
Stella smirks. “That makes sense.”
“How’s that?” I wonder.
“A group of soldiers goes up against something together. I imagine that’s a family movie to you.”
I laugh. “Could be.” I run my fingers through her hair, and she shivers. “I think I’m out of normal questions.”
“Thank goodness. I haven’t done the normal thing in far too long. These days, I’m not even sure if I could date right now. Ow.”
“What?” My fingers are tangled in her hair. I was too distracted by what she said to pay attention to my hands. “Oh, sorry.” I get my fingers out, then go back to my seat, and ask, “If you can’t date right now, then what are we doing?”
“Oh, Jordan, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant date things, like going to the movies or a restaurant. I just meant, I’m not sure how to carry on a conversation about normal things with normal people. You’re not normal. All we do is spend time here. There’s no normal in my life...” She is so nervous. “I didn’t meanwe’renot…involved. I mean, obviously, we’re, um…”
“Together, in some way?” I decide to show her some mercy. I can’t stand to see her twisting in the wind like this. “It’s alright, Stella, I’ve been trying to put a word on it, too. Involved, dating, whatever. And after three years in the program, I get what you mean about not being able to date normally. I can’t imagine what that must be like. Hell, after I left the service, I was terrible at dating. I went from bed to bed, woman to woman. I couldn’t get my head back in the game. I’m not real sure it was there in the first place.”
“What changed it for you?”
Should I tell her it was her? “I met someone I couldn’t stop thinking about.”
***
We work on her grandfather’s wine rack, and I get it shipped out a few days before Christmas. I drive past the diner and notice the blonde streak of Katie through the window. Not so much as even a flutter in my chest or a jump in my pulse. She only caught my eye because she was moving, and her hair was a yellow streak in my periphery.
I’ve found a new normal with Stella.
I spend most of my days with her, training her in combat or me in dancing. It’s fun to teach each other new skills, and she’s an apt pupil. She says the same of me, but I’m pretty sure she’s just sparing my feelings. I do like swinging her around, though.
Sometimes I show up at the firehouse to give her the chance to feel like she can stand on her own. I hate those times. Thankfully, Michael understands that I have personal stuff going on. Besides, they don’t have many other options for volunteers, so he shrugs off my absences.
Stella Collins is an extraordinary woman. I don’t know what I’m going to do when her relocation goes through. On the one hand, I hope she gets her relocation as soon as possible. On the other hand, I don’t ever want her to leave. My gut twists. It could be any day.
Or she could be taken. That’s the thought which keeps me up most nights.
16
Ifind a random piece of glass beneath the Christmas tree today. It’s been twelve days since the last time Riker’s men showed up, and I can’t help but notice how comfortable I’ve become with Jordan around. I’ve never felt this way before, and it took me a few days to realize it. But now, I feel like he’s always been here. And I always want him here.
I throw the glass away and realize the garbage is full. I take it out. My mind wanders again. When Jordan is away, nothing is quite right. Coffee doesn’t taste as good. Sugar is depressed, because Max usually goes with him. The driveway is a winter wonderland, but it looks strange without his truck. And I miss the availability of his large warm body. He breathes sex into my world, and his touch makes me shiver.
Jordan makes me feel capable. In our combat training, he encourages me to try new things, and sometimes I incorporate a dance move into what we’re doing, which always tickles him. One time, he said I move like Bruce Lee, and I was so happy to hear that, we exchanged training for a different sort of exercise. I grin as I think back on that afternoon. My body burns and quakes from the memory. He’s much more flexible than I originally thought…
Okay, maybe I misshim, too. Not just the sex. I can’t keep lying to myself about why I want him around. There’s no point to it. Chances are good that I will be hunted down by Riker anyway, so lying to myself about my feelings doesn’t matter anyway. I could play games with Jordan, but the fact is that I could be dead any minute now, so what’s the point in playing games? I should just be honest with him. And myself.
I’ve never let myself be all—in with a guy before. I’m not even sure where to begin. How do you let someone in? He’s already seen me at my worst, so it’s not as though I have to worry about that. My family will like him. As soon as they can meet him.
Which will never happen, so long as Riker is hunting me down.
How can I keep Jordan around while this is going on? Am I the most selfish person in the world? How can I ask this of anyone? If he takes a step back from it, then he’ll see it, too. I sigh. This is crazy. I can’t do this to him. I need to cut him off. No more sex. No more dinners. No date—like activities. Just bodyguard duty.
But then he pulls into my driveway, and my doubts fade. By the time he’s at my door, I’m almost giddy. What the hell? I don’t get giddy over a guy. “Good evening.”
