Page 29 of Spirit Rites
“Will you come with me to my kingdom?”
His words shock me, both because I thought he had fallen asleep again, and because of what he said. I wonder for a moment if he’s even lucid. I decide to be honest with him. I doubt he’ll even remembers this conversation in the morning. “Do you want me to?”
“Yes.”
I know this isn’t a conversation we should be having right now. He’s got poison in his system and isn’t even fully lucid. I'm terrified he’s not going to make it through the night, and if he does, that he won’t make it until the afternoon. And yet, in this moment, with the future so uncertain, I want to say and do anything that will give him peace. “Okay.” He squeezes my hand faintly. He mumbles something, and I have to lean forward to hear it. I think he says something about holding me to it, but honestly, I’m not really sure. But the priority right now is rest,so I squeeze his arm. “Just rest now, Kaldar.” He doesn’t say anything, and I’m pretty sure he’s out again.
The hours I spend sitting next to Kaldar are the longest of my life. I jump at every noise and struggle to stay calm.You've done this before,I remind myself repeatedly. But there’s something different about this time, this night. Every other night shift I’ve taken, I knew Kaldar was right there and would wake up immediately if I needed him. Now, it’s just me. He’s relying onmeto keep him safe, and that’s a terrifying thought. I check my weapons for at least the third time this hour. I take a moment to listen to his breathing. I don’t like it; his breathing has been getting progressively worse as the night drags on. I put my hand on his forehead and shake my head. His body is heating up. There is no doubt in my mind that the poison in his body is killing him. I don’t know what to do to save him. Anger and helplessness crash through me, and I leave the shelter to pace.
“If there’s anybody listening or watching our progress, this would be a good time to end this thing,” I speak into the darkness. “We’ve proved we can survive any of your tests. But if you want to still have a king at the end of this, the Rites need to end now. Your king isn’t going to make it much longer with the poison in his system.” Anger pulses through me. “If he dies, where will your kingdom be then? With no king? Is it worth it? It’s going to be hard to justify these Rites when your king is dead after them!” I wait with bated breath, hoping for something. Anything. When nothing happens, more than disappointment flows through me. Despair fills me because Kaldar really is going to die in a few hours. I thought maybe he’d be strong enough to beat it; but there’s no mistaking that his body is shutting down. I pull on the ends of my hair because I don’t know what to do.This can’t be happening!Kaldar makes a sound, and I spin around and hurry back to him. He coughs, and it rattles in his chest. I drop on my knees next to him. He can’t seem to catch his breath,and panic builds in my chest. I reach behind him with my good arm and pull him into a sitting position. It seems to help, and he catches his breath. But it weakens him further. I help him lay back down. I hold his hand, but I don’t think he’s even aware that I’m here.
“Please don’t leave me,” I whisper to him. A tear drips down my cheek as I remember another time and another place when I said those same words. For a moment, Kaldar’s body is replaced with my mother’s and father’s bodies. My mother had been killed instantly, a knife across her throat. My father’s death had been almost as quick. I’d held his hand in this same way and cried, begging him not to go. He’d squeezed my hand, and that was it. I felt as the life left his body. I cried over their bodies, begging them not to leave me. I was only nine and completely alone in this unkind world. We’d grown up in the banished community. My parents had met in the banished community, fallen in love, and chose to have a family. They didn’t have to. Life was hard outside the kingdom walls, but they wanted to make it work. Even though we’d had nothing, our family of three was full of so much love. And then, one day, it was all gone. Simply because some of the king’s soldiers wanted to have fun. That was the day I had to grow up. I was on my own at nine and had to survive. The only good thing about growing up in the banished community is that they took care of their own. I had a place to sleep, along with the other banished kids. And when there was food, I was given a small share of it. It was a hard life, but I survived. I had friends. Harper was one of them. I’m not exactly sure when it was that we became friends. But I remember the day she found me crying. It was the one year anniversary of my parents’ death. I’d cried and cried that day. I was so alone and was drowning in sorrow. Harper plopped down next to me. She was skinny and at that gangly stage withlong, straggly hair and an attitude that rivaled anyone’s in the banished community.
“Are you just going to sit here and cry?” she asked.
“My parents died a year ago today,” I remember responding.
“So?” I remember turning wide eyes to her, shocked that she’d said that. “My parents are dead too, and you don’t see me sitting around crying about it.” I’d had no words for this girl with the attitude. I stood to my feet, ready to go find another quiet place where I could cry and mourn my parents in solitude. “You gonna go somewhere else and cry?” she called out after me.
I’d turned around. “Yes!”
“Fine. When you’re done, come find me and we can do something to make today special.”
I remember staring at her, certain she wasn’t right in the head. “What?”
“Let’s find something to do to make today a good day.”
I remember scowling at her. “Today will never be a good day!” I’d stormed off, but I heard the words she’d said after me. And I’d never forgotten them.
“It’s your choice. It’s always a choice. You can make today a good day, or it can be terrible.”
I’d still found a place to cry alone, but I’d never forgotten Harper’s words. And on the next anniversary of their death, I had a choice. I could either spend the day in misery, or I could choose to do something to make the day special, to honor their memories. I chose the latter. I found Harper and asked her if she wanted to do something with me. I think she knew, even though I never said a word about it being the anniversary of my parents’ death. She’d grabbed a few of her friends, and we’d played together for hours. It ended up being a really good day. When I’d gone to bed that night, I’d done so with a smile on my face. While I still missed my parents so much it ached, I realized I could miss them and be sad they were gone but also be happyto live my life. That was a turning point for me. I often wonder if Harper has any idea how much she helped me that day. She’s the reason I do my thankful list each and every day. Life is hard, and it’s not fair. But it’s how we respond to it that counts. For me, it’s finding the things I’m thankful for and making a list every single day. I smile in spite of myself, picturing how Farrah and Harper are going to respond when I finally see them again. My heart squeezes in my chest, and I look down at Kaldar. I can barely see him in the dark, but I find his hand and slip it between my two hands. “You’re going to make it, Kaldar,” I say softly. “But you have to fight. I’m not going to let you leave me.” I swear I feel his hand move in mine, but maybe it’s just wishful thinking. I hear something, and my head jerks up. I put Kaldar’s hand on his chest and take my knife in one hand and Kaldar’s longer knife in my other and stand to my feet. I have no idea what’s coming, but it’s up to me to keep us both safe. I use Kaldar’s knife to slice through the shirt and the wrap on my arm, letting it fall free. I don’t register the pain as I prepare to face what’s coming.
Chapter 15
I take a few steps away from where Kaldar is sleeping and try to still my racing heart. I glance at the fire quickly, wondering if I should add more kindling for more light. But when I hear a low growl, I quickly change my mind. The bushes only a few feet from me rustle, and I try to fight my instinct to flee. My heart is hammering in my chest, and my legs are trembling. I think waiting to see what’s coming is worse than whatever is actually coming. And then the bushes part, and I don’t have to wait any longer. I stare as a large jaguar steps out of the bushes.A jaguar.I lower my weapons to my sides in shock. I’m unsure whether it’s male or female, but it looks just like Veyra. I take a step back, and the jaguar’s head pops up. I take a shaky breath as red eyes lock onto me. I don’t move as it takes a step closer. The fire is between us, and I make no effort to change that. The animal takes a few steps to the right, and I circle a little to the left, keeping the fire between us. I watch it warily. In my head, I know it’s not Veyra. The eyes aren’t the same. But it’s still hard when this creature looks just like her. The creature paces back and forth, and I do the same. It suddenly lifts its head and then turns towards where Kaldar is sleeping. I take a step towards the animal, keeping my weapons at my side. It makes a sound in its chest that I can only assume is a warning. I keep my voice low and calm. “Go away. I don’t want to fight you.” I’m not really sure why I’m talking to the animal, but I really don’t want to fight it. It takes another step towards Kaldar, and I step in front of it. My legs are still shaking, but I lift my weapons. “Shoo. Go away,” I try again. The jaguar takes another step forward and lowers its head. “Please don’t,” I mutter under my breath.I don’t know if I can take the life of a jaguar. “Just go away. Please.” It takes another step forward, and dread pools low in my stomach. It comes closer, and I brandish Kaldar’s long knife. “Go away. Get back.” Those red eyes pierce me, and my feet feel glued to the ground. It takes another step forward, ignoring my outstretched weapons. I take a step back to counter the action. “Go. Leave.”
And then it pounces. One minute it was stalking me; the next it’s flying over my head. Shock holds me immobile for a second as I register what just happened. And then I whirl around. It’s creeping forward, head lowered, towards Kaldar. Any thought I had of trying not to kill it dissipates as it gets ready to pounce on an unsuspecting Kaldar. “No!” Before I can get there, it leaps. “No!” I scream even as I’m already moving. I plow into the animal a second after it pounces on Kaldar. The animal and I roll, and I feel its razor sharp claws get my sides, but the pain doesn’t register for more than an instant. I’m too busy trying to dodge its bite. Kaldar told me how strong the jaguar’s bite is. It makes a sound and falls off my body. I jerk my head to the side and see a knife sticking out of its side. I turn my head back to see Kaldar in a semi-sitting position, hand extended. I want to be relieved, but I can’t. Not yet. I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I’m already moving. The jaguar makes an awful sound and stands to its feet, and then it leaps at me. I’m knocked to the ground, but it keeps moving forward. Anger surges through me when I realize it’s not after me; it’s after Kaldar again. I hear his grunt, and all rational thought leaves my mind. I scream as I drive my knife into its other side and push him off. It makes a terrible sound, and I want to cover my ears. I pull my knife from its body and slash at it again, screaming in anger. Finally, it doesn’t get back up. I bend over, trying to catch my breath. A sob rips through me, and I reach up to wipe the wetness on my cheek. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. Grief grips me asI stare at the beautiful jaguar bleeding out. I stagger a moment and fall to my knees as another sob racks my body. I hear a wet cough, and I jerk around and jump to my feet. “Kaldar.”
I drop next to him. I reach out a hand to his chest, and it comes away slick with blood. He coughs again, and it’s too wet. I try to pull him into a sitting position, so he can breathe better. I can’t catch my breath. There’s too much wrong in this moment. I can’t fix it all. The world around me seems to spin, and I feel like I’m losing complete control. I reach out to Kaldar, trying to steady myself. But the world spins faster and faster, and then the ground beneath my feet gives way. I lose all sense of reality until suddenly the world around me slows down, and the ground beneath my feet becomes firm again. Too many things hit me at once. First is relief. We’re back outside Rysden’s home. I spin towards Kaldar. “We did—” The words die in my throat when I take in his state. His face is deathly pale, and I can see where his shirt is wet with blood. He tries to take a step forward and stumbles. I come under his shoulder and throw his arm over my shoulder and try to keep us both on our feet. Panic courses through me as I try to keep both of us upright. “Rysden!” I shout, knowing I need help. “Lox!”
The door opens, and Farrah steps out, eyes wide. “Kinsley?!” Then her eyes widen. “Rysden!” She hurries down the steps towards us. Rysden and Lox follow her seconds later, and Rysden takes Kaldar’s other side. Before we can take a step forward, a voice calls out from behind us.
“Stop!” I try to see behind us, but I can’t turn my head with Kaldar’s weight on me. I have no intention of stopping. Kaldar needs help now. “Move away from my king.” Those words have their intended impact on me. I freeze a moment before I glance over at Rysden. His jaw is tight, but he doesn’t look surprised. His eyes meet mine a moment, and he seems to say something;but I’m not sure what. “Step away from my king and turn around slowly.”
I look to Rysden for guidance. He doesn’t look happy, but he gives me a small nod. We manage to turn around, keeping Kaldar’s body between us. I glance up at him, but his head is fallen forward. He’s not going to be any help right now. I lift my chin and look at who stopped me. I’m surprised to see five armed guards. They’re not of Rysden’s kingdom; that’s instantly obvious. They all wear green cloaks, as opposed to the red of Rysden’s kingdom. It takes me an extra second to realize they are all aiming weapons in our direction; I blame my state of mind on the impact of getting sucked back here. “I suggest you lower your weapons,” Rysden says in that voice of his that is beyond scary.
“We will not lower our weapons until you step away from our king.”
And just like that, everything Kaldar and I have been through comes roaring to the surface. The pain, the fear, the uncertainty, the panic. I snap. “If you want your king to survive, I suggest you get back to your kingdom and get the antidote to a mireling’s bite.” When none of them move, I want to scream. I kind of do. “He’s going to die! A mireling bit him almost twenty-four hours ago. That’s why he’s not even conscious. His breathing has slowed down, and I’m pretty sure his heart is in distress. He’s also bleeding rather badly. So, if you want to have a king to rule over you, I suggest you lower those weapons and go get the antidote. Now!”
Five sets of eyes stare at me, and I do realize I probably look like a mad woman. But I am so past caring about any of that. Finally, one of the men steps forward. “I will go, but if it is truly as you say, it will take too long.”
“Go!” I shout at him, having lost complete sanity. “As for the rest of you—I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care. Eitherhelp or get out of the way. Rysden and I are taking Kaldar inside.” I start to turn around, and Rysden follows suit. I’m acutely aware that Rysden is carrying most of Kaldar’s weight, but I can’t bring myself to let go. I see Farrah’s wide-eyed gaze when I turn around, but I ignore it for now. We manage to get Kaldar inside. But he’s totally dead weight now, and it’s impossible for us to transport him this way.
“Please, Miss,” a deep voice says, close to me. “Allow me to help you. I can see you are injured as well. Let me help.”
I turn to the big man, ready to snap at him, but I see the earnestness in his expression. “Be careful with him,” I tell him.
