Page 49 of Spirit Rites
I open my mouth and close it and then open it and close it again. There are literally no words. I want to set Mae straight, but then I think of Kaldar’s words and how he warned me that we need to appear to be happily mated and in love. He said that’s what his people would expect. I turn to Harper. “Let me know if you need anything.” Her eyes narrow on me, but she doesn’t say anything. She throws me another dirty look before grabbing her bag. “Thanks, Harper,” I call out softly. She just makes a sound I can’t quite decipher and then disappears, leaving me alone in the house with just Veyra.
I need to go stretch my muscles and run for a little while,she tells me when everybody is gone.You seem better now.
I am. Thank you for coming to me earlier.
I will always come when you need me.
My heart tugs.Thank you, Veyra.
You’re welcome. Reach out to me if you need me. I will be running in the trees, but I will be close enough to get back to you if you need me.
I’ll be fine,I assure her.
A few minutes later, the house is empty except for me. I clean up after Harper and my dinner and leave a bowl out for Kaldar. Then I make my way back to the hallway. I hadn’t really lookedaround earlier. I see Kaldar’s room, the one I woke up in. Then there’s the small room that Harper slept in with a desk in it and several large shelves with books on them. I run my finger over the books. Many of them have golden gilded edges; they’re gorgeous. When I pull one off the shelf, I immediately notice the outside of the book has been covered in a clear substance. I wonder why that is. I slide the book back onto the shelf and check a few more. They’re all the same; I wonder if that’s what they do to keep the books nice in this humidity. I move out of that room and check out the bathroom next. There’s a large clawfoot tub that looks amazing. I suppress the urge to take a bath right now. I’m too tired, and I’m afraid the heat of the water will make my arm start burning again. I bypass the tub and head to the end of the hall where there’s a small closet. The house isn’t big, but because of the windows and door being open, it makes it feel larger than it is.
Chapter 24
I walk back towards the front door. I want to get out of the house for a moment and get some fresh air and see what’s going on outside. I stop by the front door and notice for the first time the bright jade color of it. I run my hand over it. It’s beautiful. I leave it open and step outside and take in the signs of life. There are people everywhere. I stare in awe at the gorgeous spirit jags that are literally everywhere. Some of them are swimming beside their bonded. Others are bounding around on the sand, over by the trees. There are people anywhere and everywhere. I step back as two little boys chase each other and almost run me over. I watch them, wanting to call out after them and tell them not to run so they don’t fall in. When one of them trips, I take a step forward. “They’ll be fine,” Mae says from behind me, surprising me. “They’re used to running up here, and if they fall in, they can swim just fine.”
My eyebrows rise in surprise. “Really?”
She shrugs. “This is the Jaguar Kingdom;everybodyhere can swim. It’s second nature to us, and we love the water.”
I take all this in and make a mental note to ask Kaldar for swim lessons—private ones. I don’t want everyone here seeing what a terrible swimmer I am. “Did Harper get settled?”
“She did. She’s in the sixth one down that side.” She points out the house, and I pinpoint it in my mind so I won’t forget it. “Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good. Thank you so much for everything, Mae.”
She beams at me. “Of course. If you need anything at all, I’m at that end. The cute house with the yellow windows.” I spot it immediately.
“Got it. Thanks.”
“Of course. Have a good night, Kinsley.”
“Night, Mae.”
I stay outside a little while longer. Nobody approaches me, but I wave at lots of people. A few wave back; some don’t. I tell myself it will get better. But there’s only so much rejection a person can take, even me. I head back inside after a while. Darkness starts to fall, and I don’t do anything for light. The darkness fits my mood, and I don’t like it. I don’t like this sadness I feel. It’s so not like me, but I can’t seem to shake it. The later it gets, the worse the ache in my chest gets. I wonder if I should walk over to Harper’s, but I talk myself out of it. I don’t want her to remind me that I chose this. Because I did, and I don’t regret it. It’s just that in this moment, everything feels like too much. The ache in my chest intensifies, and the tears I’ve been trying to hold for hours finally come. I’m helpless to stop them. I close my eyes and let them fall. I don’t make a sound; I don’t want anyone to hear me. I would hate for anyone to think I was unhappy here, or worse, tell Kaldar that. I know things will get better, just right now, everything feels like too much.
The pressure in my chest builds as the sounds from outside quiet down. I have no idea how much time passes, but it’s long enough that the moon comes out. I can see it through the window from where I’m sitting on the floor.
“Kinsley. What’s wrong?”
The sound of that rich voice has me catching my breath. I look over to the looming shadow near the front door. I hadn’t even heard him come in. Then suddenly, he’s crouched in front of me with my hand in his. His hand is so warm; I hadn’t realized how cold mine had gotten. I don’t know when it started to get cold in here. “You’re freezing.” His voice sounds worried, but he doesn't move away from me. “What’s wrong?” he asks again, quieter this time.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just feel so...sad, and I hate that.” His hand tightens on mine.
“Do you have pain in your chest?”
I look up at him in surprise. I can see the outline of his face by the light of the moon. “Yes. It hurts.” My voice breaks a little, even though I’m trying to stay strong.
“I’m so sorry, Kinsley.”
His words confuse me. And then he’s moving next to me, sitting shoulder to shoulder with me on the floor. Before I realize what’s happening, he’s picked me up and set me on his lap and wrapped those strong arms around me. I sit stock still, trying to recover from the shock of it. “This is my fault,” he says in a low, soothing voice. “You’re in pain because of me, because of our bond.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, and already, my voice sounds calmer.
His arms tighten around me, so that I’m forced to lean more fully against him. “I’ve heard of this happening. The bond between us is so strong, it’s painful when we’re apart. That ache and sadness is because I wasn’t here.” I take in his words, unsure what to say.
