Page 50 of Spirit Rites
“Is it painful for you?” I ask, still trying to understand.
He pauses, and I can’t help but wonder why. “Yes, but it’s been that way since I met you. I didn’t think it would bother you the same way. Obviously, I was wrong.” He doesn’t sound happy about that.
“You’ve been in pain since you met me?” I can’t help but ask.
He chuckles. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“Why? Why is it like this for us? Farrah didn’t say anything about this.”
He’s quiet a moment, and I can tell he’s thinking. “Jaguars are very intense creatures, much more than wolves even. And the mating process is very aggressive and intense for jaguars inthe wild; so, it makes sense that it would be more intense for us.” He pushes a hair behind my ear. “And males are more aggressive than females, so it makes sense that I feel it more. I'm sorry that you were hurting. You should have told me.”
“You weren’t here,” I remind him.
He sighs quietly, but I can tell he’s not upset with me. “You can always tell Veyra something, and she can pass it on to Jespar who can pass it on to me.”
I lay my head against his chest. “That feels complicated.” I am suddenly exhausted. I can hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat, and it helps the tension that’s been building in me all day to begin to dissipate.
He runs a soothing hand up and down my spine. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I should have been here with you.”
“It’s okay.” My words are a whisper; anything more takes more energy than I have to give.
“It’s not but thank you.” He leans forward and kisses my temple softly. “Is the pain easing now?”
I nod against his chest. “Yes.” Even the deep sadness has lifted. “Did you eat dinner?” I yawn after asking. “Mae brought dinner for us.”
He shifts me closer. “She does that a lot.”
“She’s really nice,” I murmur against his chest as yet another yawn escapes.
“Yeah, she is.” He doesn’t say anything, and I just enjoy being close to him. In the morning, I’ll probably be embarrassed. Right now, in just the light of the moon, I can’t find it in me to be anything but perfectly content.
“Where were you all day?” I ask after a little bit.
“I had to deal with a lot of...issues after being gone so long.”
“Were people upset you were gone so long?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Yes.”
“But are they good now that you’re back?”
“Yes.”
I don’t know how I know, but I know he’s not telling the truth. “They’re still unhappy, aren’t they?”
He breathes deeply in his chest. “They’ll be fine.”
“Is it because of me?” When he doesn’t immediately respond, I have my answer. “Is it because I didn’t do the Jade Ceremony thing?”
He stiffens beneath me. “Who told you about that?”
“It was, wasn’t it?”
I can feel his displeasure. “I handled it.”
“I’m sure you did,” I say in a calming voice. “When do I have to do this ceremony?” I try to push my fear aside.
“If it were up to me, never.” His words are bitter, and I want to run a hand over his chest. But I’m not sure we’re to that stage yet in our relationship. Of course, if you would have asked me an hour ago if we were to theme sitting in his lap point,I would have said a resounding no. But here we are.
