Page 19 of A Little Christmas: Star
“Let’s look in this first bag.” I pulled out a sandwich. “Cheddar and turkey with cranberry sauce and stuffing. I don’t know if this is a really good sandwich or a horrible one,” I admitted.
“Depends. Does it come with dipping gravy?”
I dug in the bag, and, sure enough, it did. “How’d you know?”
“Because if it’s got gravy to dip in, it is the best sandwich ever. If not, it’s disgusting. Throw it away.”
“Best sandwich ever, it is.” I wasn’t so sure it would be for me but, with Daddy’s endorsement, I was willing to give it a try.
“Anything else in there?”
“A pickle the size of my arm.” I held it up. It wasn’t quite that big, but the thing was fat. And now that I was waving it around, it was looking way too phallic. I set it down. “And there are two cookies in this one. Let’s check the other.”
The next one had a cup of soup, some macaroni salad, and a Caesar chicken wrap. “I don’t know if it’ll still be good in the morning, but Caesar chicken wraps are one of Davis’ favorites. I’ll try the turkey for dinner tonight.”
“Do you need me to go, sweet boy?”
“No. But I’ll understand if you don’t want to watch me eat.” I’d have offered to wait until later, but that would only have him rushing off the phone. I was surprised he hadn’t already reminded me that eating so late wasn’t the best idea.
“I just want to spend time with you, and if that means watching you eat, then that’s exactly what I want to be doing.”
“You’re so patient, Daddy.”
“That’s because I have you back in my life. And as long as I have you, the rest of all this…we can figure it out and make it work.”
“Do you really think so, Daddy?” I wanted to believe it so badly.
“I know so, my sweet boy. I know so.”
Chapter Fifteen
Caelum
Christmas Eve. A day to spend with family, to enjoy the magic of the holiday season, and a time to eat all the sugary treats.
More than anything, I wanted to spend it with Star. We’d talked about him coming here, but sadly, his agent had lined him up for some Christmas parade festival. I didn’t fully pay attention past, “I won’t be able to make it.”
As his daddy, it was my responsibility to keep track of all of it, to listen to his words as he spoke, and I’d been not listening to my boy’s words, allowing my disappointment to distract me. That only made me feel worse about the entire situation. Star deserved better, and I promised myself I would learn how to control my disappointment enough to hear his words when situations like this arose.
And they would arise again. His career wasn’t like mine. He wasn’t ever going to have set office hours, scheduled weekly days off, and the ability to plan far into the future. That simply wasn’t how his field worked.
The odds of us living together full-time were slim. My work was here, and his? Everywhere. Could I try to rebuild a business near his homebase? Of course I could. But that’s all his place was, a home base. He spent months away and that wouldn’t change if I moved there. He could move here, but he’d still be gone a lot, much of his work based in Hollywood. We’d figure it out. I wasn’t sure how, but I was confident we would. Eventually.
I tried to remember that this was new for both of us and there was a learning curve. We both had to adjust to his schedule and how it did or didn’t mesh with mine. This wasn’t going to be the last holiday we wouldn’t be able to spend together.
We’d considered me flying to him, but that added a whole level of complication we weren’t ready for on short notice. Especially not with Davis being on vacation, visiting his hometown. We both had to accept this was what it was and that we’d be able to have our own “Christmas” another time.
There was a big party at Chained tonight, and I didn’t really want to go.
Looking around my house, all decorated for Christmas, the cookies I’d frosted piled on a platter, stockings hung by the chimney, the whole nine yards, I didn’t want to be here either. He’d never promised to come home for Christmas, but that had been the dream. Now that my dream wasn’t possible, maybe it was best for me to go hang out with everyone. Spending Christmas Eve alone would only result in me hosting a pity party for one.
I went into my room and threw on some jeans and a button-down, leaving the pajamas I’d just taken off laid out on the bed for when I returned. I wasn’t a complete Grinch. I still was going to love the holiday. I could facetime Star, and we could sing carols, watchBuddy the Elf“together,” and maybe have a little phone sex. Normal Christmas fun.
A few minutes later, I drove to the club. I hadn’t checked in with anyone to see who might be there. But regardless of if any of my friends were, there would be someone to talk to. Chained was great that way. You could go solo, but that never meant that you would be alone.
It was oddly busy for a holiday, the parking lot nearly full. When I finally checked in and went inside, it was like Christmas had thrown up. I thought it had been over-the-top when we rented out the little room, and it had been. But this reached an entirely new level.
Tinsel and garland draped over everything, from the backs of chairs to the handrails. Santa sticker sheets waited on thetables for littles to take, although I suspect they were not little exclusives and any sticker lovers could take one. I snatched one for Star. He’d love them.
