Page 6 of A Little Christmas: Star
“I’d like both of those. Thank you. And lots of ketchup, please.”
“Of course.”
He placed the order on his phone and then offered to get me something more comfortable to wear.
I changed into his sweatpants and a sweatshirt and sat in front of the fire. He even gave me comfy socks to put on my feet. With him around and being this cozy, I could easily forget the world.
“How about we watch something?” he suggested. “Something you like?”
I nodded and decided to take a chance. He said we all were entitled to our preferences, and mine was the vintage Christmas cartoons. “I like the old Rudolph and Frosty cartoons.”
“That sounds perfect. Great choice.”
His praise made me warmer than the fire ever could.
We put one of the shows on, and he turned off all the lights but one and, halfway through, Caelum put his hand over mine. “Star, can I ask you a question?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
“Star, are you, by chance, a little?”
Chapter Five
Caelum
Star, are you, by chance, a little?
The words tumbled from my lips, unbidden. And he didn’t even look surprised. Rather, his shoulders sagged and a small smile teased the edge of those full, sensual lips. How many moviegoers would give anything to be here with Star? If all the gossip mags and TV shows were to be believed, he dated a different one every night.
Did he?
“Yes.”
My own thoughts led me to think this was a response to my last idea. He’d dated every…no. “You’re a little.”
“You had already guessed.” He faced me, the light of the colorful vintage cartoons flickering over his skin. “How long ago?”
“I’m not sure…but probably not long. I mean, when you ordered from the kids’ menu, it was probably a hint but you could have just wanted some kind of junk food for a change.”
“That’s not what I mean,” he said. “But you just figured it out tonight? I thought perhaps you had picked up on it when we were in school.”
“No…truth be told, I didn’t even understand myself well at that time. You never said anything though. Was it because you were embarrassed because you shouldn’t be? It’s great to be who you are.”
“You can say that because you aren’t in the business I am, but no. I didn’t really know then. I had a lot of feelings that didn’t seem to match up with the rest of the kids in high school and especially not that first year in college.”
“But you were always so sociable, invited everywhere. Sometimes you wore me out dragging me to every party, sporting event, all the college activities.”
“Yeah. I might have been overcompensating. But the only reason I was able to do that was because you were there. My backup.” He swallowed hard. “You gave me the confidence to have the social life I never could growing up. You know I was in and out of school constantly depending on my acting schedule, so I never really made friends, and the things that gave me comfort were not typical of the other guys.”
“You never said anything.” And it ticked me off that I hadn’t recognized any of the signs. Things I would notice now. “Maybe you did, and I just didn’t listen well enough.” It made my heart ache to think that the handsome, outgoing young man who’d shared my life and my bed for too short a time had been hiding such a big part of himself. “Did you have any little things that somehow I didn’t see?” After being a daddy for so long, I could think of a list of items I’d expect a little to have. Stuffies, pacies, clothing… “You liked cartoons, but they were mostly the adult swim variety or maybe anime?”
“I liked old cartoons, like the ones we are watching now, but I was settling for those so nobody would laugh. When you were out of the house, at a late class or something, I watched the shows I really enjoyed. And no, I didn’t have much of anything. A stuffed frog, a couple of childhood toys I kept packed away.”
“Star, I wish I’d been someone you could talk to. I thought we were so close, but you felt like you couldn’t share such a big part of yourself with me.” I wanted to hug him tight and keep him safe from the world that could be so cruel.
“I didn’t want to do or say anything that might drive you away from me.” He let out a sigh, long and from deep inside. “And then I left and blew it all.”
“Oh, Star. We have so much to talk about. Do you need to get somewhere in the next few hours?”
