Page 25 of Can't Refuse Him
When I stood up, I had accidentally knocked over an empty beer can from the top of his dresser, and he looked up, mid-wipe.
“Who’s there?!” He blinked. It was still a bit of a habit for me to freeze when eyes flew my way, but when I went and moved away from the dresser, he did something nobody’s ever done before. His gaze followed me.
He couldseeme.
The air grew icy, just enough to cause goosebumps to form on his forearms. I looked down at my hands and then held them up and twisted them. I still had that greenish glow, but my form was flickering, but then, for what I can only assume was out of my desire for him to see me, I became more solid. Still a little translucent, but I was otherwise corporeal.
He didn’t scream, nor did he flinch; instead, he widened his eyes. There was an ache in his voice.
“Eddy?”
I shifted forward; my feet hovered over his carpet. My form was clean this time. No rot or grim or green glow. Just me. The way I might’ve looked as if I was allowed to live.
He sat up, shifting back slowly, and threw his tissue to the side and quickly readjusted himself. He covered his body with the blanket. Stayed still, cautious that any other movement would scare me off.
“Hello Mark.” My voice echoed slightly. That was new. Must be the new form, because I swear, I’m not doing this voice on purpose to make Mark’s haunting even scarier. Although it was definitely a bonus.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, voice cracking. “I looked everywhere for you. You haven’t aged a day!”
Looked everywhere for me? You fucking liar.I had felt a lump form in the pit of my gut that travelled up through my mouth and steeped as an insult. I wanted to hurt him. Make him feel as much pain as I did when he had thrown me in the bin. I eyed him up and down. “Whereas you have let yourself go.”
That must have caught him off guard, because he snorted, “Ha!” Seeing that I didn’t laugh with him, he composed himself and shook his head.
“When I left you there in the clearing after I slapped you, I felt awful and came looking for you, I swear. I came back to look for you, but the other guys said you left.”
Was hegaslightingme? “Don’t bullshit me, Mark. I know what happened. You beat the living shit out of me and left me to die in a bin!”
Mark stammered. “W…what?”
“Are you deaf, fucker? Youbeatme.Killedme. You never kept your anger in check!”
He hung his head and shifted in the bed. I hovered forward, coming into contact with the edge of his bed frame. I was drawn to him. Is this shame, regret, confusion he’s feeling? Did he truly think I was alive this whole time? Why would he be confused about something he clearly did?
After a long pause, he finally looked up at me. Looked at how I was floating, finally seeing me for the spectre I am. “You think I killed you?” He swallowed. “I didn’t, I swear.”
I froze. For a moment, I believed him. Foronemoment.
“Bullshit! I’m DEAD, Mark! And you did this to me!” I screamed at him with enough volume, grit and rage that showed how much pain and anguish I was in. Muffin barked from the laundry, but Mark didn’t tell her off.
He shook his head, looking down. “I hit you, yes.” He looked at me, his eyes full of honesty. “Only once. I regretted it. Was angry. I hated myself for it. For a lot of things. But I never meant to—”
“So, youdidhit me?” I spat. “I didn’t just imagine it!”
“Yes. I was ashamed. I treated you like trash—” he winced at the word, making him pause for a moment. “But after I slapped you, I left. When you fell… I ran away from you to my car and drove off. I didn’t kill you. I think something happened after I left the clearing. I didn’t know you weremurderedthere, Eddy.” Tears were welling in his eyes. “You have to believe me.”
It made no sense. Rage and grief had written him into my memory like a villain. But it wasn’t my blood on his hands. Now I wasn’t so sure. And it wasn’t just written on my face.
My form flickered like static.
“What do you mean you didn’t know?”
“I saw the missing posters your mum and her friends put up. I was even brought in for questioning, but they cleared me of any charges. I thought… I hoped….” He pressed his fists into his forehead. “I thought you ran away like you always said you would. I thought my moving away had inspired you. Then I found out you had died. They found your remains in the dump.”
“I was left in a bin to rot” I whispered. “This entire time I thought you did it. How can I believe you? What if you’re lying now?”
He stared at me, unshifting his gaze. My eyes locked on him. And then he did something I wasn’t prepared for.
He held out his hand, palm up. Not to touch me, but in offering.
