Page 17 of Heat Haze
Why did Toro make such a horrible face? It’s not right, but why did he listen? Why does he even care? Cautious steps bring Toro back in front of my trembling form, but instead of trying to hug or smother me with affection again he just reaches out and pats my head.
He pets me like I did to him back in the basement, like it’s the only thing he knows. It’s obvious he’s nervous, thick fingers fumbling around my scalp before he pulls his hand back.
Toro gently pushes me aside so he can finish the salad, although even when it’s done I can’t bring myself to even think about eating. Still, he makes me a plate and herds me to the dining table to sit before flashing me a meek smile.
It’s hard to be mad at someone who looks at you likethat. Like you’re everything to them. But I didn’tdoanything to deserve it. He doesn’t sit with me, just ruffling my hair once more and leaving me to eat my dumb salad.
“He’s tryin’,” Alma warns. “Don’t know what else to tell ya.”
She lets me sit on that as she pulls open the oven, the aroma of sweet barbecue filling the air around me. Normally it would make my mouth water, but in this situation it just makes me feel sick.
Tender flesh lets out nasty squishes as Alma cuts the cooked meat to craft the sandwiches for the family. When everything is plated and ready Toro returns to the seat next to me, making quick work of his food.
There’s crumbs all over his face, the man’s lips stained a red-tinted orange thanks to the barbecue sauce. His tongue darts out to lick it clean, but that doesn’t do much. Against my better judgment I grab a napkin from the center of the table, reaching out to wipe the last bit left.
His gaze locks onto me, eyes widening at first. He seems unsure—asking me “is this okay?” without even saying a thing. But then a dopey grin sprawls across his face, and he slowly leans in closer. Toro lets me clean his face off, a pleased huff leaving him.
Alma stares at us with equal parts annoyance and equal parts intrigue. “Weren’t you just makin’ a fuss about this?” She asks, swallowing down her food. “Now you cleanin’ him up like it’s just a normal day for ya. I don’t understand you, Nico.”
“He’s…” How the hell am I supposed to answer that question when I don’t even know? My gaze wanders over to his stupid smile and the stupid look of pure adoration in his eyes. It shouldn’t be like this, but it is. “I… I just want to be… nice.”
That’s the truth. There isn’t any grand reason. For better or for worse I just like Toro. He’s sweet to me, and maybe there’s something wrong with me but that’s enough for me to look past his… flaws. Or, at least I thought I could look past them.
But this feels like too much.
Alma simply hums at me, and it’s obvious she’s studying my face. She must be trying to determine if I’m lying or just hiding something.
“Still don’t get it,” she shrugs, taking another bite. “But whatever. I believe ya, for what it’s worth.”
Toro leans in to brush his stubbly cheek against mine. But the sickly sweet scent is still on his lips. On his breath. People. Dead people. Not justpeople,either. Someone who I used to call my friend. Someone who I used to know.
“I’m gonna call Damien and Lucio down. You two might wanna head back to the bedroom,” Alma mutters.
Toro tenses up at the thought, lifting me into his arms in one swift motion. I absentmindedly cling to him like a koala, one firm arm of his holding me up while the other gives a little wave to his sister.
Neither of them think I’m ready for a Tavera family meal yet, and I truly can’t blame them. I don’t think I am either, especially not now. I probably should’ve seen this coming from the start. I guess I was just fine to live in my little fantasy world for a bit. While Toro carries me back to the room my mind wanders to a few days ago. During the first meal I ever had here.
I was the only one who ate the stupid fucking soup. They had grinned and snickered back then. I get it now. I get why it was funny. I let out a strangled exhale, lurchingforward and holding on to Toro a little tighter as I recall the way the meat felt between my teeth.
If there was anything more in my stomach, I’d probably puke. All I can do is cling to him and ignore the way my head is pounding so hard it must be trying to just explode finally.
When Toro sets me down on the bed the last thing I want to do is cozy up to him, but of course he’s smothering me. It’s so desperate, so needy. Yet I’d feel way too cruel being mean to him.
He isn’t the one who did it, he never fed me anything. I know I’m making excuses for him, and babying him way too much, but how can I not? He’s not like the other Taveras. Yeah, okay, he’s big and scary—but he’s not. Not really. From the moment I gave him those stupid cookies he’s been nothing but soft glances and delicate touches.
I don’t knowwhatit means to feel this way, but I know my stomach feels all fluttery when he’s around. But can I really overlook all of this? Can I ignore the truth? I always thought I was smarter than that. But maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m just an idiot.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Toro is trying to kiss me. I had been so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t notice that he was slowly inching closer to me with a new curious expression. Without thinking I splay my hand across his face and push him back. A confused whine rips from his throat like he’s been physically wounded in response.
“No. I’m sorry, no. We aren’t… you just…” I don’t even know how to word this next part. You just atehuman? You just ate myfriend? The situation would almost be comical if I wasn’t about to shut down at any moment.
Toro seems to understand, maybe. It’s hard to tell when he’s just staring at me. I guess that isn’t the nicest response to someone trying to have their first kiss with you, but the minute the sweet scent hit my face I just couldn’t stop myself.
Still, he shoots up. He noiselessly retreats to the bathroom, almost speedwalking to get there. There’s the sound of running water, and then he returns with this silly look on his face. With eyes all wide and hopeful, he leans in closer to not-so-accidentally blow air right in my face. It’s minty, like toothpaste. He brushed his teeth. He brushed his teeth because he wants to kiss me.
Shouldn’t I say no?
