Page 26 of Heat Haze
Toro nods, plopping down to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of the CD player he has tucked away into the corner. He’s quick to embrace me fully, pulling me flush against his chest while absentmindedly stroking my sides.
“Luh…” It’s not easy for him to say, but I already get an idea of what’s coming next. “L-Love…” When he finishes the word he brings his hands to my chest again, just resting them there. “Love…”
“So you were eavesdropping, huh?” I tease, admiring how charming he is without even trying. I regret it when he whines and clings a little tighter, shaking his head. “Kidding, kidding.”
I did say it, and I did mean it. But it almost feels embarrassing to have to say it to his face. “This… It’s new to me,” I admit, shifting so I’m facing him properly. “But… I mean… we’reboyfriendsnow, and…”
I don’t want to say it. It sounds so wrong coming from my mouth. This was never supposed to happen, yet here I am.
“I love you, Toro.”
If there was a world record for fastest time to slam your lips against someone else’s, Toro would’ve won for sure. His hands are back on my cheeks like the first time we kissed, all of his inexperience on full display as he tries to devour my mouth. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. In fact, I like it. Because it’s so charminglyhim.
With a gasp I pull back, lips all swollen and wet from how aggressive he was with it. He shoots me puppy eyes right on cue, his lower lip trembles like me needing a moment to breathe is the most inhumane and unjust thing on the entire planet.
“Do you… love me, too?” I know it’s sort of needy to ask that, especially when hejustsaid it. But the entire situation is new to me, on top of being totally away from the norm. Most people don’t have big mute boyfriends who love cuddling. Most people don’t have boyfriends whokillandeatpeople.
But I do.
Toro nods many times at my question, that serious look present on his face again. He leans closer, just to make sure that I can really see him. One of the hands holding on to my cheek moves down to my shoulder, his forehead finding its way to mine. He shuts his eyes, just keeping me there. He doesn’t need to speak, not when his actions show me so much about the person he really is.
I have no idea how much time passes. I would’ve been fine to stay like that forever, probably. But he leans back, just smiling at me before grabbing my sides to flip meover so we’re facing the radio again. He pushes the worn plastic button on top of the machine, whatever’s inside whirring to life as it starts to let out a low hum.
The music I expect to start playing is a country hit or something loud and violent, but I should know better when it comes to Toro. A soft and sweet love ballad plays instead, and once the CD gets over a few initial stutters it’s nice to get swept up into the stupid little song.
Soft piano, slow guitar, and a singer droning on and on about true love and finding your special someone—it’s cheesy in a way that just makes sense. It’s cute, too, seeing Toro smile wide while we listen. He kisses at the back of my head eagerly, his hands roaming all over my body.
Toro grows more antsy with each second that passes, knees bouncing excitedly. Finally he loses his cool and just scoops me up before kissing the back of my neck. Before I can react he tosses me onto the bed and basically swan dives into my chest to cuddle.
“Is this your favorite song?” I ask quietly, smiling down at him. He nods, closing his eyes while his head hangs low against my chest. I know what he wants, which is why I begin to stroke his hair like he’s the most delicate thing in the world, and honestly? He might just be.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Toro is sleeping. On top of me, of course. He’s pressed flush against me, snoring surprisingly quietly. Our legs are slotted together, one broad arm strung over me while the other rests on my forearm. His face is pure contentment with the cutest grin.
I don’t know when my thoughts became so mushy, but it doesn’t even matter. Not right now. Not when he’s everything I ever wanted sprawled on top of me like the world’s heaviest weighted blanket.
The radio is long turned off, the sun already set and casting the darkest shadow over this dreary little farm. By all means this should be terrifying. Thisplaceshould be terrifying. But I don’t think it is, not anymore. I still hate the Texas heat, though. I doubt that’s gonna change anytime soon.
Toro grumbles in his sleep, flipping over so he’s on his back right next to me. The mattress creaks with the motion, sinking beneath him. My eyes flicker over to the rest of the room. The shut door. The half-open half-closed closet.
The open window.
Theopenwindow.
Without hesitating I’m up on my feet, heart pounding against my ribcage and filling my ears. It would be so easy.Tooeasy. Too easy to run until my legs gave out. Toro wouldn’t find me in the dark. He wouldn’t expect it. Hecouldn’texpect it, not after everything that’s happened. He’d probably chase me down until his body forced him to stop. I’d be leaving behind a crying mess of a man with a broken heart.
Just the thought of it kills me. The thought of him being a wreck on the side of the road. The thought of me being the person whobrokehim… I don’t want to do that to him. Ican’tdo that to him.
I grab the ledge, and quietly pull the stupid thing down. The window is shut, the soft rustling of winds outside no more. I whip around when I hear a squeak back from the bed, where Toro is sitting up now.
His hands are in his lap and he’s nervously toying with the ends of his fingers while staring at me. He must’ve seen the whole thing, it’s too dark for me to make out his expression. I find my way back to the bed, curling up in his lap.
Toro is trembling, no doubt watching me the entire time. He was probably on the edge of his seat watching me and waiting. Waiting to see what I’d do—waiting to see if I’d break his heart.
A whine tears from his throat. It’s so raw, so visceral, that even without words I know that he’s just beside himself right now. I give his jaw a few pecks, letting my fingers sit just to the side of his chin.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper. “Promise.”
