Page 56 of Heat Haze
My head sluggishly falls on his shoulder. I obviously didn’t get any sleep last night, and the odd silence of this place is weirdly calming. Even with all the nerves and the fear Iknowthis is right. It has to be.
When the bus finally comes, Toro and I are the first in line. We don’t have any luggage to put away so we just race to our seats. The seats are old and clearly not cared for, but I don’t give two shits. They could be slabs of concrete and I’d be happy.
We’re getting away. Him and I. It almost feels like a dream. Toro takes the window seat, nervously toying with the hem of his red jacket. I rummage through the bag and grab the MP3 player, alongside the white wired earbuds that Alma said we could take.
He takes the one I offer him, the tension in his muscles deflating when his favorite song starts to play. He’s staring out the window, but when the bus starts moving reality seems to dawn on him since he gulps nervously.
It’s over. It’s done.
No more Damien. No more Mr. Tavera. No more farm. He’s never gonna be treated as lesser than again, at least not when I’m around. I take his hand in case he needs it, staring at him hesitantly.
Is he upset? Is he mad? Is he having second doubts about this? Aboutus? It’s hard to read him right now. I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or the stress or what, but I feel so helpless.
Until he leans in to kiss me.
The kiss is like a piece of candy. Small, soft, sweet, but one is just never enough. I grab his collar and pull him in for another one, doing my best to keep it public-appropriate despite the fact I just want to devour him whole right now.
“Hey, Toro?” I ask when we’re done, loving how he’s all red-faced and adorable. “I got you something. From the vending machine.”
“Huh?”
He watches as I dig through the bag, before finally pulling something out. The aluminum foil is bumpy, but the blue and white branding is unmistakable. I hold it out to him, melting a little when his eyes widen in realization.
It’s the same chocolate chip cookies I gave him back then. Back before we loved each other, back before my entire life had changed. But it’s more than that. With the bus on its way to a new life, this tiny packet is a reminder. A reminder of how much I will always love him.
EPILOGUE
ISANDRO
“Isandro! I told you to stop riling up the damn dogs!” Grandma Marín’s voice is loud for an old lady. She always shouts at me, but not like when pa did. She yells with a smile and happy feelings like that.
It’s not my fault the dogs are cute. She has two: Goldie the golden retriever and Beckett the chocolate labrador. I like both of them, and they like playing in the yard with me.
But okay, maybe they are loud.
“Sorry,” I say while setting the frisbee aside. Goldie is climbing up on me, pawing at my stomach and making me smile. She sticks her tongue out when I pet her, but I can’t stick around for long.
“It’s dinner.” Grandma grabs my wrist and pulls me inside. Her house is nice. It’s not like home. The floors are carpet, the walls are painted pretty colors like green and yellow, and her furniture is cozy and cute.
She is not big. She’s small. But she’s strong, pulling me across the house like I’m nothing. Her white hair is tied up in a bun, and the flower dress she has on suits her a lot.
Grandma always calls me handsome, and she means it. She gets that same look in her eye that Nico gets when he says it, so I know it’s true. Her and Nico are very alike. It makes so much sense now.
“Hi,” I say when I enter the dining room and see Nico setting the table. He’s different now. But in a good way. He let his hair grow out nice and long, and I like it because he lets me play with it and run my fingers through it.
But it’s not all good. He doesn’t wear my clothes that much anymore. He likes his clothes better, but I don’t think that’s fair. Sometimes when we go shopping I purposefully buy hoodies I know he’ll like, just so he steals them later.
“Hi.” He’s beautiful when he smiles at me, coming over to give me a quick kiss on the chin. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. “You’ve got dirt all over your shirt.”
“Dogs. I was playing with them.” The explanation doesn’t feel good, but it’s the truth. We’ve been working on my speaking and stuff. I’m not very good still, but I know how to read a lot more than I could before. I still make Nico read to me, though. That will never change.
He giggles, sitting me down on one of Grandma’s wooden chairs. “Yeah, you were.” When he kisses the back of my head I feel like I’m floating, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
“It’s your favorite.” Grandma looks happy too, coming in with a big tray of meatloaf. She places it in the center of the table, before leaning over me to grab my cheeks and pinch them. She does that all the time and it makes them hurt after, but I don’t stop her.
I think I like it.
Grandma was scary when I first met her. She was always nice, but she didn’t trust me. She didn’t know if I was good for Nico. She didn’t know how much I loved him. How much I’d do for him. But she does now. She tells Nico how lucky he is every day, but I’m the lucky one.
