Page 14 of Heat Haze
Toro’s body is a statue, hands grabbing at his pants. Even though he’s facing away from me I can tell he’s scared, but there’s something else begging to surface. It’s evident in the way he just grunts, turning away from Damien to stare at his father.
“What!?” Mr. Tavera hollers, stepping up to Toro. Not even he is as tall as his son, but he’s the second tallest in the family for sure. “You gon’ do somethin’? Huh? Gonna hit me? Hit me for some fuckin’ fairy who don’t give a rat’s ass about ya?”
Mr. Tavera’s eyes narrow, a hand shooting out to grab his son’s collar and pull Toro in nice and close. “That wouldn’t be very wise, boy. But by all fuckin’ means please give me a reason to flip my shit.”
My throat tightens as he says that. Maybe it’s true. Maybe it isn’t. But if I don’t do something to make Toro think thatI’mworth it, this might actually be the end of me. I glance over to the shut window, before my eyes wander back to mylast chance.
With a heartbeat so loud everyone else in the room can probably hear it, I force myself up and off the bed. I can feel all eyes on me, full of hatred and a desire for something dark. I let it all fall off my back, stumbling behind Toro to wrap my arms around him and hug him.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It could completely implode in my face. But I still hide myself in the curve of his back with a silent plea:Please. Please protect me.
I’m shaking, because I know this is it. This is my last line of defense against this fucked up situation. Everything is up to Toro in the end, and all I can do is hope he’s as kind as he’s been pretending to be.
Mr. Tavera drops his collar, just staring.
His breathing quiets down, and when Damien lets out an annoyed click of his tongue Toro’s entire body snaps towards him. A thick, hairy arm outstretches itself around me in an attempt to keep his family at bay.
“So, what?” He groans, tapping his foot against the dusty wood of the floor. “We’re just suppose’ta sit here and let Toro play his silly lil’ game of house?”
“If you’re smart, you will.” Alma mutters. I pull my head away to peek at her. I guess the entire household is just in the room now, all that’s missing is the grandpa. “Whateverthis is, Toro’s clearly attached.” The way she looks at him is a blend of sympathy and pity. “When was the last time youreallysaw im’ bare his teeth at us?”
Mr. Tavera’s sigh is frustrated, but the way he turns to glare at Alma tells me all I need to know about the dynamic here. His anger stalls, face contorting into something defeated. “This is clearly some kinda tickin’ time bomb. Damn kid’s lost his fuckin’ mind.”
I get this strong urge to defend him. Is it that crazy to think hewantsto be treated kindly? That he wants to beloved? I let myself hold him a little tighter, a gentle reminderthan Iamthere. Maybe it’s dangerous to think this way—tofeelthis way…
I can’t help feeling bad, is all.
“Pa—” Lucio goes to protest, but is cut off by Mr. Tavera’s raised hand.
“No,” he grumbles, “Toro can have his way.”
Toro’s brows knit together for a moment, the hand over me lowering just a bit.
“He’syourresponsibility, boy. You’ll be the one to realize just how fuckin’ wrong you are, and you ain’t gonna have nobody to blame but yerself.” There’s fire in his eyes, and the flames only grow hotter when he turns to look at me directly. “You gotta be all types of fucked to take advantage of someone who you know ain’t all there in the head. The damn boy don’t even speak.”
I’m way too scared to argue with him, and part of me doesn’t even know if he’s lying. Toro is smart, that much is obvious, butdoeshe understand the things he does with me? Does he even get the implications? Guilt hits harder than a train, a low groan tearing from my throat as I hide against him again.
“When yer’ heart breaks don’t come cryin’ to me. I won’t wanna hear it.” Mr. Tavera says, turning away. “Everybody out. Let Toro think ‘bout what he just did. Pushin’ his own family away for some stuck up city slut.”
The Taveras slowly retreat from the room, footsteps thinning out until it’s silent. Toro doesn’t move at first, but eventually he nudges me off and looks down at me. His eyes are wide like saucers, giving me the most dejected expression.
He’s worried, and it’s clear he doesn’t really know what to do with himself. His father got into his head, asevident by the slight glimmer of distrust in those otherwise sad eyes. He must be wondering if this is all worth it, if I’m really something he should keep pursuing.
It’s hard to comfort someone when you don’t wanna lie to them, so I take a page out of his book and fall back onto the bed. It’s not that I don’t feel…anythingfor him. He saved me, I’m grateful—I’ll always be grateful. But what am Isupposedto feel for the man who helped kill my friends?
Trying not to let my mind wander, I open my arms a little to him. “C…Come here, Toro.” It’s a simple instruction, which he follows dutifully. He quite literally climbs into my lap, nuzzling the top of his head under my chin. Despite his best attempts to curl up and make himself small, he simply won’t fit. His legs hang off the side of the bed, my limbs struggling to wrap around him fully. He’s too big, but that’s okay.
It’s all okay.
“You know…” My tone is soft as I rub circles into the fabric of his shirt. “What your father said… it’s not true.” I shift a bit, trying to figure out what to say next. “I do… I don’t know how I feel about you, that’s true. But… I dolikeyou. I mean, you saved me, Toro.”
The memory of Levi’s head splitting open replays in my mind, and I feel myself freeze for a beat “I… I think… Well, IknowI would’ve been dead. If it wasn’t for you. So…”
Sowhat? What the hell am I even trying to convey to him?
“I do feel something for you. I… I think we are… There’s something, right?” I’m basically asking myself at this point. The room feels far too small, and Toro feels heavier than he did a moment ago. “Isn’t there something here? Or… what is this?”
