Page 21 of Heat Haze
It bothers me way more than it should, especially when his grip on my hand returns the moment those cruel words leave his grandfather’s lips. “He’s… He’s not as dumb as you’re making him out to be.”
The room goes so quiet you’d swear I just insulted the man. His expression doesn’t falter, in fact his lips curve upwards slightly. “You think so?” His voice is gravely but still full of challenge, expression darkening.
I hesitantly nod. “He’s smart. He understands things. Even if… he has a hard time showing it, he does understand.”
“Toro ain’t nothin’ but a damn fool,” Damien chimes in. “Just ‘cause he likes to cuddle and kiss ya don’t mean shit.”
He’s itching to say more, but Mr. Tavera hushes him. I don’t like the expression he wears when he looks over at me with his hands balled into fists. “It’s true, though, Nico. I really don’t know what game yer’ getting at with him, but he don’t understand you. Not really. The boy can’t even read or write, you think he’s capable oflove?”
My eyes widen at the word. I don’t even want toopenthat can of worms. But I can’t ignore it. Ignore the thingshe’s saying. “He is.” I find myself saying without thinking. “He could.”
“Real hopeful.” Mr. Tavera shakes his head at me, putting a hand on his father’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. The man steps forward, towering over me with narrow eyes. He leans in uncomfortably close, the scent of tobacco wafting over me. “But don’t forget yer’ place here, boy. ‘Cause if you’re wrong…” his gaze flickers over to Toro. “You’ll pay for it with your life.”
I catch the way his attention briefly stops on our hands, nose scrunching up before he looks at his son. Toro seems overwhelmed, letting out a soft whine before turning off to the side. My grip tightens in some feeble attempt to remind him that I’m still here. The way his shoulders ease almost slips right by me, but I see it.
“M’tired…” The eldest Tavera mumbles, the conversation seemingly slipping his mind. “Carry me up to my room, Toro.”
Toro hesitates, but a command is a command and he’s too used to listening. He lets go of me, scooping his grandfather up and disappearing up the stairs. As his heavy footsteps grow quieter I realize I am not on my own with the entire Tavera family looking at me.
“You can be honest with us,” Lucio’s tone is soft—too soft. “It ain’t a bad thing if you were butterin’ him up to try and live. I mean, shit, nobody’s ever donethatbefore.”
Damien’s arm wraps around my shoulder, pulling me close like we’re all buddy buddy. “Heh. It’d be pretty smart. That what yer’ doin?”
“No.” Despite my efforts to come off composed my voice quivers slightly. “I’m not doing that.”
“So what is it, then?” Mr. Tavera says. “You actually care about him? Is that what yer’ saying?”
The answer is simple. “Yes.” His brow creases, clearly not expecting me to be so honest about it. “I do. I care about him. I-I care about Toro.”
“He killed your friends,” Mr. Tavera reminds me as though I could’ve ever forgotten that. “You really can’t forgive that, can you?”
That answer isnotso simple. When Lucio mentioned it before I didn’t have to think about an answer, but he’s expecting one from me now. They all are.
But it’s not that I don’t want to forgive him, either. It’s complicated, and confusing, and honestly—does it even matter? I don’t think it does at this point. Because I like him regardless.
I might not be able to fully look past what he did, but that doesn’t change everything else he did for me. Telling them it’s technically their fault isn’t an option. They won’t enjoy being criticized—even though they all played a part in how he was raised.
I only shrug. “It doesn’t matter. He’s…”
He’s what? I’ve talked myself into a corner. If I say he didn’t understand it, that means that deep down I think the same horrible thing they do about him: that he’s stupid. If I say I can’t, then they’ll doubt my feelings.
Fuck.
“He’s a good person.” The words feel natural as they leave my mouth. It’s what I actually believe. I believe in him. If he wasn’t a good person, he wouldn’t have spared me. It doesn’t matterwhyhe did it, it matters that hedid. Everyone makes mistakes, his mistakes are just… way bigger than most people’s.
Damien breaks into a fit of laughter, arms folding over his stomach like I just told the funniest joke known to man. “Toro!? A good person!?” He sucks in a breath, coughing from laughing so hard. “I’ve seen that boy kill men n’ women alike with no fuckin’ hesitation! Yer’ sayin’ that’s what agoodperson does?!”
“I just… He’s…” I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how to defend him. How can I possibly justify my feelings? He’s nice tome, but Damien is right. So many people—including my own friends—have come to this farm and been killed.
How can I be so sure I’m not next?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Leave ‘im alone,” Alma says, causing the entire room to look at her. Her arms are crossed over her chest, full lips pulled down in the biggest frown. “Why do y’all want to be against this so damn bad?”
Mr. Tavera rolls his eyes. “It ain’t natural, Alma. You know that. You’re a smart girl. Toro ain’t right in the head, and now he’s datin’ aboy?”
“I hate it when you talk like that, pa.” She groans, clearly trying to bite her tongue when it comes to her father. “Noneof us are right in the head. I mean… Come on. Why do ya draw the line at Toro bein’ happy?”
