Page 25 of Heat Haze
Alma clenches her jaw, gripping the yellow sponge in her hand so tightly she’s nearly ripping it in two. “You’re just going to hurt him.” Her words are strained, but I can hear it—the fear. She’s just trying to scare me off, she has to be. “You’re going to leave him all alone again. You’re going tobreakhim, Nico.”
“No, I won’t.” My voice quivers, because for some reason I feel like I’m about to cry. “I won’t do that to him. Never. I really care about him. I just want him to be happy, I just want—”
“Do you love him?” She cuts me off. “I mean it. Do youreallylove him? Don’t lie. I’ll know if you are.”
Do I?
Before I might not have had an answer. I might’ve danced around it, made excuses, maybe even lied if I really had to. But I don’t need to. I know what I feel, now. Even if it terrifies me, even if every part of my body is telling me this is only going to end poorly.
I know for a fact one simple thing: I do love him. I’ve never loved anybody. I’ve liked people, sure, but I’ve never loved anyone. Not until Toro. I don’t know what love is supposed to feel like. I don’t really know what any of this is supposed to feel like. But I know how I feel when I’m with him.
It’s not normal. I’m notsupposedto feel this way.
But I do, and there’s nothing that will stop that. I’ll turn a blind eye to everything if it means I get to see him smiling more. If I get to share more awkward kisses and soft moments I’ll gladly ignore all of it.
I know it’s wrong. It’s gross, and it’s selfish. But does it matter? All my life I’ve felt like a shadow. But Toro? Toro makes me feel like a star—no, the sun. The biggest star, the brightest one. So my answer is obvious.
“Yes. I do love him.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
Alma doesn’t speak or move, just studying every feature on my face. The sponge falls into the sink with a loud squish, and then she steps forward. My mind immediately thinks of the worst case scenario, but before I get to panic I feel her thin arms wrap around me.
She’s hugging me?
“Please don’t break his heart, Nico.” She whispers, prying herself off of me. “I’m serious.Please. He can’t take it. Not after ma…”
Her eyes carry so much pain in them, and I realize just how serious she is about it. My face is stuck in a stupid smile, and I hug her again for good measure. The sigh that she lets out is heavy, like all the stress disappears alongside it.
There’s so many things I could say. So many things I probablyshouldsay, but I’m so incapable of wording myself properly that I just stare at her while my mouth hangs open like a dumbass.
“I don’t want to hurt him,” is the first thing that comes to mind. The words come out quietly, but not hesitantly. “I won’t.”
Alma takes another breath, swallowing down her sadness and wiping the tears that had begun to form. “I believe you. I… I hope it ain’t a mistake. But I do believe ya. The way he smiles at you… like you're the whole dang world.”
“I don’t get it, really. He wasn’t like this growing up. He was fine with bein’ alone. He was used to it.” She laughs weakly, clearing her throat. “Maybe I could’ve done more, but… I mean—”
“Alma...” I step back, keeping a friendly hand on her shoulder. As much as I want to comfort her, it’s not easy. Nothing about the Tavera family is normal. I don’t know anything about how they were raised, in fact I really don’t know much at all.
She shrugs my hand away, but keeps the little smile she has on. “It’s fine. Oughta’ know better,” she mumbles before turning away to grab the counter. “I shouldn’t have said nothin’. Not about Toro. Maybe…Maybehe really can change.”
“It ain’t easy to explain, but he’s soft with you. Maybe that really is just enough.” Alma digs around in the pocket of her jeans, before pulling something out that glimmers in the light when she turns back around. “This was your friend’s, right?”
I stare at her palm, Grant’s ring sitting right in the middle. The lack of blood and dirt means she probably cleaned it, although I can’t really fathom why. “Are you… giving it to me?”
Alma chuckles like I just asked some stupid question. “Well he was yer’ friend. If you don’t want it Damien’ll probably just pawn it anyway.”
“I’ll take it,” I say while plucking it out of her hand. It feels weird to have it, especially since Grant and I weren’t best friends or anything like that. My fingers are almost trembling when I stuff it into my pocket.
She goes to say something else, but her eyes flick right past me. I glance back expecting the worst, only to find Toro peeking around the corner with a shy-but-guilty expression plastered on his face.
“Tor?” The nickname slides off my tongue naturally, like it’s something I’ve called him for ages. “What’s up?”
Toro’s entire face lights up brighter than I’ve ever seen it before, quick steps bringing him in my personal bubble. His hands slide under my armpits, lifting me up so high off the ground I feel like one of those really long looking cats.
He brings me nice and close, our cheeks pressing together in a warm gesture. Weakness wins out as I just forget myself momentarily, choosing to hug him properly with a sheepish giggle. One arm slides under my butt, holding me up against him while the other rests at the small of my back.
Without so much as a goodbye he’s suddenly whisking me away off to the bedroom, clearly in a good mood oversomething. “Someone’s happy, huh?” I tease, already having an inkling on what’s got him so pleased.
