Page 31 of Heat Haze
But he doesn’t. Instead, he grabs my shirt and lifts it up. Clusters of chaste kisses are planted wherever he can get his stupid face close to. When I push him back he pouts at me, before swiftly reminding me who has the actual upper hand here. He kisses me some more, before just resting his stubbly cheek against my stomach.
“Soft,” he mumbles with an annoyingly sweet smile on his face. It’s so casual and I absolutely hate it. He’s treating one of my biggest insecurities like it’s nothing—like it’s totally normal and fine.
I avert my gaze to the ceiling, Toro’s body keeping me pinned down so I couldn’t dramatically run away even if I wanted to. He shifts, pushing himself up so his chest is pressed up against my torso while he kisses at my neck. After a good dozen kisses he drags his tongue up for good measure, trailing it all the way up to my cheek.
The sputter I let out is reminiscent of a dying engine, head snapping down to stare at him with wide eyes. His expression is so warm, with unbridled genuine affection that I’ve never experienced until now.
“Perfect…” His chest rumbles when he speaks, giving my wet cheek a peck. When his voice gets all low like that it sends an exciting chill down my spine, especially when it’s being paired with such an intense look of love.
“You just don’t understand…” My tone is gentle now, kissing his forehead. Maybe it’s okay to talk about it. Maybe he’ll understand. “When I was younger… people weren’t nice to me.”
Toro’s head tilts to the side. He doesn’t completely get it, but the frown he’s wearing tells me he gets the gist of what I mean at least. He takes my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze as he rests his head on my chest. Even without speaking I know he’s content to just listen.
Usually I hate talking about this stuff. Nadine listened, but I don’t think she ever fully understood—not really. She was always pretty. Always gorgeous. Always captivating attention without even trying. I was never jealous, but maybe sometimes I envied how easy it all came to her.
“I was big,” I continue, “like really big. But I was still me. I was still the same person. They were just so… mean. I got used to being the butt of a joke, or the way people saw me but neversawme.”
The grip on my hand tightens, his thumb rubbing soothing circles around my knuckles. I wonder if this is even making any sense to him. Does he get what I’m saying? What I’m telling him?
“It’s stupid.” I grumble, attention shifting elsewhere while I stroke his hair. “But… yeah.”
When our eyes meet he smiles at me, and like an idiot I immediately forget myself. It’s so easy to get lost in his smile, so gentle and loving. “Not… stupid,” the words come slowly but I’m hanging on to every syllable. “Not… Ugh…”
He groans again, hiding his face in my chest. Is he frustrated that he can’t express himself how he’d like? He has to be. “Good.” It’s simple, but I understand it. I understand what he’s saying. “Good… Mine…”
“Yours?” My lips curve upwards at the thought. I never thought I’d be into all that possessive crap, but with Toro it’s different. A lot of things are. “Is that so?”
“Mine.” Toro repeats with a playful growl, baring his teeth at me before scooting up to kiss my chin again. “Nico… Perfect.”
It’s my turn to grumble, face heating up at such a simple yet silly compliment. The idea of me being perfect is so foreign, but for some reason when he says it I almost believe it. Maybe it’s the fact he doesn’t lie, at least not to me. It could even be the way looks at me, too. There’s never judgement, even when he’s upset he tries to keep himself composed.
So how couldn’t I believe him?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Not even the little fan tucked in the corner of Toro’s room can make me feel any less disgusting in this sweltering southern heat. Sweat sticks to my skin, and as if the heat on its own wasn’t bad enough I have Toro pressing up against me like he’s somehowcold.
He’s whimpering in his sleep, face pressed so far into my chest you’d think he was trying to hide inside my skin. “You’re okay.” I whisper softly, kissing the top of his head. He only holds me tighter in response, sleepy little noises falling from his mouth.
Another cry leaves him, fingers digging into my sides before he jolts awake. Instead of pulling away, Toro stays exactly where he is. He goes quiet as he trembles in my arms.
“Tor?” My tone is gentle, kissing his forehead a few more times for good measure. Eventually he stops shaking, finally prying himself off me to look up at me with wet eyes. He sniffles, blinking before immediately finding solace in my chest again. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? What happened?”
“You,” he whispers, “gone…”
I let out a little gasp at that, because it absolutely shatters my heart right into two little pieces. “But I’m not gone. I’m right here… I’m right here, Toro.”
Even I know that’s not really the most comforting thing to say, but it’s the truth. I’m here, with him, in his bed. I wish there was something I could do to prove that I really don’t want to run away now. To prove to him just how much I care…
“Gone.” He repeats a little firmer, snaking up the bed so we’re face to face. “Don’t… Stay, please….” The words break at the end, voice still hoarse after so many years of not being used.He’snot used to this, either. Not used to being seen or understood or loved.
A lopsided smile sprawls across my face while I raise a hand up to cup his cheek. “I’m not leaving. You’ve gotta believe me now, don’t you?” I chuckle softly, leaning in to kiss his nose. “Where would I go? When everything I want is right here?”
The hand moves down to his chest, resting flat against it like he did before. He smiles at me, and I melt instantly. The heat doesn’t even bother me anymore, not when he lets out the cutest little giggle and begins attacking my face with kisses.
It’s innocent until it isn’t.
One kiss at the corner of my mouth turns into him pulling me into a violent lip lock that ends with me panting. Partially because I was caught off guard and partially because it washot, okay? My face is warmer than the air around us, and Toro has the cockiest grin on his face because he knows what he just did.
