Page 60 of Little Deer
When we get to the room, Tino helps me set up the bassinet again and says, “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”
“Thank you.” I head for the bathroom to get Soren changed, and then I climb back on the bed, get myself and Soren set up and comfortable, and grab the journal. One thing about breastfeeding, it makes multitasking easier.
I fall into the pages, alternating between anger and feeling sorry for her as she tells more about how hard the pregnancy is on her, how much Leonardo despises her. Won’t look at her, won’t share a bed, and instead goes to his mistresses’ houses. Apparently, he had more than one at a time. She knew about them, and while she didn’t like it, she said that she was grateful at times for the time alone. The boys were raised by tutors, nannies, and the men around them, not her. She left them be.
My heart hurts for her, but I also wish I could go back in time and slap some sense into her. Her victim complex is strong, and it prevents me from feeling bad enough to give a damn about her. She could have made the situation better, she could have tried to love her children and not let them fall into this cycle, but instead, she smuggled us out so that she didn’t have to deal with our deaths on her conscience, and also wished for Gia to stay with her so she wasn’t alone in her abuse and loneliness.
It’s a mass of contradictions that I’m struggling to untangle.
Soren unlatches, but lets out a cry of hunger, and I move him to the other breast, humming a soft lullaby to soothe him. Thankfully, he quiets as he continues to eat, and I can go back to the journal.
I only get a couple more pages in when the door opens, and instead of looking up to see Kida, I see Massimo walking inside. It takes my brain a second to clue in to the fact that I’m lying in bed, my boob in my son’s mouth, and the other one barely covered.
I’m too stunned to react.
Massmio stops when he realizes and sees the horror on my face. His gaze flicks to Soren, and then back up to my face, eyeswidening. We just stare at each other, the silence stretching. Well, other than Soren taking that moment to let out a very loud sucking sound in the silence and a small grunt just to punctuate the moment.
Massimo chuckles and steps further into the room. “Someone is hungry. And while he’s occupied, that means we have time to talk.”
29
MASSIMO
I don’t thinkI’ve ever had a woman look at me so horrified while in my bed. That has to be a first. Good thing I don’t have a fragile ego.
Looking at her now, though, there is nothing horrifying about it. The sight of her in my bed, comfortable and relaxed, feeding her son, unlocks something in my head. Any doubts that I was feeling earlier, anything that might have lingered subconsciously, is obliterated.
I want to see her like this every fucking day. Every night. I want to wake up to her feeding the baby beside me, knowing that as soon as she’s finished, she’ll be back in my arms. And maybe we’ll get started on making another one.
The idea of her swollen with our child fills me with stark desire. Bordering on feral. My cock hardens, and my fingers itch to reach out and pull her into me, hold her and Soren close. Know that they’re mine.
Instead, I force myself to ask in a semi-normal tone, “Why did you run away,cerbiatta?” Even to my ears my voice has a husky tone to it.
My question seems to snap her out of her trance and she quickly grabs the receiving blanket by her side and tosses it over herself while glaring at me. “Massimo, you can’t just barge in here. I’m not decent!”
Brow arching, I say, “Why are you embarrassed to be seen feeding Soren?”
She stares at me incredulously. “Because my boobs are out and you’re a stranger, practically. That’s like me walking in on you in the shower and asking you why you grab a towel to cover yourself.”
“If you were walking in on me,cerbiatta, I assure you that a towel would be the last thing I’d reach for. And I’m no more a stranger to you than you are to me. Or do you always kiss strangers?” I tease lightly.
She glares. “Yeah, well, that won’t be happening again.”
“It definitely will, but we’ll get back to that. And since it embarrasses you, we’ll also discuss your awkwardness for necessary functions after too.” Her glare intensifies. “In the meantime, we need to talk about the reason you went from being perfectly content in my arms to suddenly looking uncomfortable when I mentioned the information we received. Because in that moment, I felt you pull away. You might not realize it, but your eyes give you away every time. So we’re going to talk it through.”
“I’m not in the mood to talk to you. Now, would you leave me alone so I can feed my son in peace and without feeling like I’m flashing you?”
“Avoidance won’t work either,cerbiatta.”
Her eyes flash. “One kiss does not give you the right to demand anything from me, Massimo. So get out.” Instead of complying, I simply climb onto the bed beside her. She lets out asmall squeaking sound, careful not to jar Soren too much as she adjusts herself, before glaring at me again. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I told you, we’re going to talk. One thing you’re going to learn about me quickly, Lucy, is that I don’t scare away easily, and I’m as stubborn as they come. You and I have something, and I want to see what it will grow into. Can’t do that, though, if we don’t communicate and handle the questions and doubts you have early on. And I already know you have doubts.”
“What I have is anger that you’re lying in my bed next to me when I told you I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Technically, this is my bed.”
She lets out a low, annoyed sound. It’s so fucking cute, and I have to fight back a grin. Not even her scathing look dims my amusement. “Why are you being so fucking annoying?”
