Page 78 of Little Deer
“Because we can’t risk you being away from us,cerbiatta. We have no idea how far all their reaches go. We have possible assassins being hired by some of them.”
“Assassins?” she practically screeches.
Fuck. I really shouldn’t have said that.
“We don’t know that they are, it’s just something we’ve heard might happen,” I rush out. Damn it, I need to salvage this. “And Rori is helping us with it because she knows about them and has connections. She’s already told them not to come, and so far they haven’t. So it’s hopefully not going to be a concern.”
She doesn’t look like she believes a word I’m saying. I don’t blame her. Hell, I don’t sound all that convincing.
“Lucy,” I try again, “I know you’re terrified, but I also know that you’re smart and you realize that leaving the safety we can offer isn’t a good choice.”
“You’re saying that because you want to fuck me.” Her tone is biting.
My jaw clenches at her jab. I know she’s lashing out, but I so badly want to put her over my knee and spank her ass forcheapening what we have between us. Instead of doing that, I stiffly warn, “You’re walking on thin ice,cerbiatta.”
Her cheeks flush, but she continues to glare at me, that spine of steel only wilting slightly. Pride curbs some of my irritation. She really is magnificent no matter her mood. “And I’m losing my shit, Massimo,” she snaps. “So cut me a little slack. The entire situation isn’t what I wanted or asked for. I didn’t ask to be kidnapped by my so called bio-family. I didn’t ask to be rescued by another group of mafia people. I didn’t ask for my sister and son to be brought into this too. And now you’re telling me I need to calm the hell down and just let you handle it? You’re all the reason I’m in this in the first fucking place.” Her breath catches on a sob, and the anger inside me drains away. “I just want to feel safe again. I just want to know what’s going to happen and I want to feel like I’m not losing my mind. Or feel terrified all the time.”
“How can I do that? What do you need from me?”
At first I think she’s going to snap at me again, but instead, her shoulders slump and she puts her face in her hands, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.
I move to her, pulling her into me. At first she resists, but when I clasp her to me tighter, she finally drops her hands and holds on to me again. “I’m so scared, Massimo. Of this, of you, of everything I feel for you. I’m being over dramatic, but I can’t seem to pull it back. I’m thinking of all the worst case scenarios every time we get in the groups and I’m just spiraling and I don’t know how to ground myself.” She looks up at me, eyes wet.
My heart clenches. “Cerbiatta,” I murmur, cupping her face in my hands. “How can I help you? Tell me what you need.”
Her eyes search mine, and I can see her struggling. I stay quiet, waiting. Letting her figure it out. I’m quickly learning that pushing her before she’s ready is only going to push her farther away from me.
Whatever she’s struggling with, her body starts to tremble again, and I reflexively rub my hands up and down her spine, trying to soothe her. Finally, she whispers, “Just kiss me, please. You ground me. You make me feel like I’m not losing my mind when you do.”
My mouth descends on hers as she finishes her sentence. I’ll never refuse her. Especially when I’m dying for another taste.
This time, even though I try to be gentle, she’s having none of it. Her response is almost instant, turning the kiss from gentle and comforting, to desperation and need. I should stop her, but I can’t stop the groan that rumbles in my chest as I lift her into my arms wrapping her legs around my waist so I can grip her ass. My fingers dig into her flesh, and she gives an answering moan into my mouth.
A small part of my brain is screaming at me to stop this before it goes too far and she hates me for it, but the larger part of my brain, desperate to do whatever we have to to make her trust me, to ground her like she’s asking, ignores it. Has me focusing on the feel of her in my arms, the way her body trembles against me, and the way her mouth devours mine. Desperate, needy, and utterly torturous.
Her thighs squeeze my waist, her finger thrust into my hair, gripping the strands so tight that I’m surprised she hasn’t torn any of it out yet. Not that I give a fuck. She can make me bald if it means I get to have her here like this.
Suddenly, she pulls her mouth away and whispers, “Please, Massimo.”
“What do you need,cerbiatta?” I rasp. “Tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you. Whatever you want.” Hell, I’ll give her all the money I have if she’s finally going to give me a chance. Irrational? Completely. But I don’t give a fuck. I’ll make more and she can have it too.
Hell, I’ll give her all my organs if she wants them.
There’s fear trying to filter into her eyes, but stronger than that is the anxiety winning out. “I…I need you to ground me, Massimo,” she finally gets out. I freeze. She swallows hard. “I…I can’t think. I need to think clearly, and I can’t. I need to…I need you to…” She can’t seem to say anymore, and her throat works hard.
“Tell me what you need, Lucy,” I coax gently, softly. “Give me the words,cerbiatta. Tell me. There is no judgment from me. No matter what, I’ll work to give it to you. Tell me how to help you.”
She looks away from me, lips trembling, before she finally closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and turns back toward me. When her eyes open and they stare back at me, I nearly groan. Desire, trust, and submission. My already hard cock turns to steel, and my spine straightens.
I’ve never seen something so fucking beautiful in my life.
“Massimo,” she breathes, a small tendril of fear leaking through, “I need you to take control. I know I’m spiraling. I know I’m being irrational, and the only way I can get out of this headspace is for someone to make me. To take the option away. To give me something else to focus on instead.” I can tell each word is costing her, but the trust in her eyes never wavers. “Please, Massimo. Help me.”
Fuck. My gut clenches and anticipation burns. But I don’t move. I simply watch her, searching her gaze for any doubts. Anything that will make me put an end to this now. I know what it’s costing her. I know what she’s asking me isn’t small.
“Are you asking me that because you think it’s what I want from you, Lucy, or because it’s what you want?” I keep my expression neutral. “You said before that you didn’t want that part of you to come back. I won’t have you hating me for giving you something that you didn’t truly want.”
I’m not sure why exactly, but her body suddenly relaxes, and the fear in her eyes dissipates. I arch a brow expectantly at herand all she does is lean in to press her mouth to mine quickly. “You’re a good man, Massimo,” she whispers when she pulls away. I say nothing, just wait for her to tell me whatever is going on in her head. Finally, she says, “I trust you, Massimo. I trust that you’re not going to push me farther than I’m ready for. The fact that you said that proves it. It makes me trust you more. So, yes, that is what I want, Massimo. I want you to be in control, help me ground myself again. Somehow. I don’t know if I’m ready for the full sex part yet. I only just stopped bleeding and while I feel okay, I’d like another day to make sure it’s not just temporary. I don’t know what that will leave you but?—”
