Page 86 of Little Deer
“What’s up with him calling him Boo Bear anyway? I mean, I know I’m new to this, but isn’t calling a Don some kind of name super disrespectful?”
“Yes, but this isn’t a normal circumstance. None of us are subordinate to Nico except Dante, though I have a feeling he’s not all that concerned about Nico being his boss either. The only ones who really have to worry about it are the soldiers and the staff. Alessio is going to be Don someday, so while Nico might not like it, if he kills him, he’s only going to start a war.”
“So if something happens to Alessio, that means you’re next in line?”
I nod. “But that won’t happen. Alessio is far too smart, and while right now he seems stupid, he’s just as cunning as Papa. Zeno and I are here to help him and help run the business so that he doesn’t have to worry about it all like Nico does. Nico has Dante, but they have a lot more going on right now than we do, so for us it’s a bit easier and quieter depending on what we’re doing.”
She doesn’t look like she believes me, but doesn’t press.
Soren lets out an angry cry and Lucy immediately moves to him. She picks him up, smiling and cuddling him into her. “You’ve had an exciting day, haven’t you, my boy?” she coos at him. “Let’s hope that means you sleep well tonight. You’ve been sleeping better here than you ever have.”
I watch them, taking the moment in, before I move to stand behind Lucy, wrapping my arm around her, smiling at Soren over her head. Soren looks up at me, face pinched and angry. I chuckle. “Are you upset at me being close to your mama,ometto? You’re going to have to get used to sharing her.” I press a kiss to the top of Lucy’s head. Soren makes a grunting noise, making me laugh.
Lucy, however, is quiet. I wait, letting her work it out before she finally asks carefully, “Is that what you really want, Massimo? You would really be okay being with me and having another man’s son around?”
Insult hits that she thinks so little of me, but the rational part of my brain overtakes it. I release her and then move around so she can see me. Her expression is cautious, even edging toward grim. Like she’s expecting a terrible answer from me. I curb any annoyance I have and order softly, “Lucy, look at me, please.” Her eyes look up at me, nerves clearly reflected back at me. “Cerbiatta, I know you’re nervous, but on this, you will neverhave to doubt. He will not be another man’s son. He will bemyson. I want him to carrymyname.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“Lucy, I would never take you and not your son. No, from now on, I want you to think of him asourson. If you really insist that he has his biological father’s name, then we can figure something out, but as far as I’m concerned, he will carry the Caruso name, because he will be one. I will raise him as mine, my father has already accepted him and?—”
“What do you mean he’s already accepted him? Wait, is that why he was talking that way when he was holding Soren last night?” Her eyes widen even further. “That was him accepting him?”
“You’ve seen us with the Cattaneo family. The Cattaneos are more brothers than employees to us, and Sofia is a little sister to us as well. He sees them as his nephews if you want to get technical. He will never turn his back on them, and he will never turn his back on Soren. He will accept him as his grandson, and my brothers will accept him as their nephew.”
“Why? Why would you all be willing to do that?” she whispers, a small hint of hope in her voice.
My heart cracks. “Why do you think I’m not?” It’s a careful question, but one that I need an answer to before I can reply.
Pain flashes across her face, and she looks away from me. I don’t rush her, just wait. The heaviness of the moment fills the space between us.
Finally, she looks at me, eyes haunted, and whispers, “Because Joey lied to me about being happy about the baby. He didn’t want him. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me he was happy. Except, then he started acting weird and distant, and I just had a gut feeling. That fight we had after he tried to manipulate me for sex? That was when things got nasty, and he told me he actually only wanted the fun part of making the baby.Not the rest of it. I didn’t believe him, considering he was the one who talked me into getting pregnant, but he said he figured he would use that to get the sex he wanted, and he got it. It was a huge slap in the face. That he manipulated me again. I started to make plans, but he apologized and said he was just angry. I wanted to believe him because I didn’t want to raise my baby in a broken home, but deep down I knew. I knew we wouldn’t last. Then he died, and it didn’t matter.” A tear slips down her cheek. “And a part of me feels guilty that I hate him so much. That I can’t forgive a dead man for what he said and did.”
The final pieces fall into place. Fuck, how can one woman survive so much heartbreak? And again, if the fucker were alive, I’d find him and kill him myself. He doesn’t deserve to breathe any air she does. Not after that. Not after hurting her over and over and not caring.
Fuck staying away from her. I pull her into my arms, making Soren squawk between us, and I cup his head gently with my free hand. “Lucy, I don’t care about speaking ill of the dead, and he didn’t deserve you. Either of you. But I am not him, Lucy. I know that you don’t always see that, but in time, you will. I will spend my life proving it to you if I have to. I want you, and I want Soren. I want us to be a family. I want you to have more children with me, and I will love each and every one of them as much as I will love Soren the same. You will never doubt what I want, Lucy. You will never doubt my family’s acceptance either.”
More tears slip down her cheek. “I want to believe you, Massimo, but we barely know each other, and your feelings could change. Especially when all this is over and you can start to think clearly again.”
I want to tell her no, that won’t happen, I know what I want, but she’s not going to believe me. Words aren’t going to be enough for her. She’s going to need proof, actions.
“My mind is very clear, Lucy. You’ll see that soon enough, I promise.” I look at Soren quickly. “Both of you. I just need you to let me in, to trust me.” She still doesn’t look certain, but she doesn’t disagree with me or argue. Progress. I lean down and press a kiss to her lips, smiling when she melts and allows me to take control. She pulls away and smiles at me. Soren lets out a grunt, and we both chuckle. I lean down and press a kiss to the top of his head. “He doesn’t want to be left out either.” Soren makes a little sound, watching me like he’s not sure what to make of my statement.
“He is very curious,” Lucy agrees. “He’s going to need a bath. Hopefully that will help him sleep tonight.” Then she gives me a wry smile. “I think I’ll need it. I’m exhausted. It’s been a long day, and my head is spinning from so much information from Dante’s mom.”
One that we can both agree. “Then how about you give Soren to me and go and have a bath yourself? Relax a little bit. Then, when you’re done, you can show me how to bathe him so I can help out from now on.”
She hesitates. “I can do it, and I’m fine. I’ll give him a bath first, then I can shower when he’s asleep.”
I frown and arch a brow. “Is that because you don’t want my help or because you’re still feeling guilty about earlier?”
Guilt flashes across her face. Guess that’s my answer.
“I shouldn’t have left him.” She looks down at Soren, refusing to look at me. “What kind of mother leaves her son to give a man a blowjob in another room?”
I bite back an annoyed sigh. Instead of replying, I pull away and give her a stern look that has her wincing and lowering her eyes right back down when she glances up at me. I don’t want her to stop talking to me, or be afraid of me, but this needs to be said. “And that’s all it was to you?” I ask tightly.
“No,” she whispers, shame tinging her voice. “Massimo, I?—”
