Page 87 of Little Deer
I hold up a hand to stop her. “I don’t want an apology that you don’t actually mean, Lucy. I won’t apologize to you for giving you what you asked for. I also won’t stand for you treating me, what we did, as something to be ashamed of.”
Her eyes close briefly, and then she looks up at me. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I don’t know how to handle this. I know in my head he was fine, I know that it wasn’t that big a deal, Kida and the others were there and could have handled it, but…”
“But you felt guilty that taking a moment for yourself makes you a bad mother.”
She nods. “I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but every instinct in me is screaming that I should have been there. That my freakouts, my worries, they don’t matter. The only thing that matters is making sure he’s safe, fed, and happy. I can’t just shut that off.”
I can concede her point on that. I’m not a mother, I don’t have all those instincts running through me along with the fluctuating hormones and other post-baby things she’s dealing with. Some of my annoyance abates. “Did you feel guilty leaving him with Kida when you went to get diapers at the store when Leonardo’s men grabbed you?”
She hesitates. “No. Relief mostly. I just needed out of the house and to feel like a normal human being again. But I wasn’t going to be gone for long. I had only planned for being gone for like fifteen minutes.”
“Was that the first time?”
Her brow furrows slightly. “Ah, no. I think I left him with Kida for an hour when I had to go to the doctor once for a quick check up the week before. I had a bit of tearing and they wanted to know if I was healed, which I was, and I was gone for a couple hours total. I did worry about him, but I also knew my sister was capable.” She sighs. “I get your point, but it’s going to be hardto change that, Massimo. At least for a bit. I know I trust you, and I’m trusting everyone else more, but it’s still hard. And I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean to cheapen what happened between you and me. I…I really liked it, I just got rattled by Alonzo knocking on the door and I spiralled. I’ll try not to do that again.”
“I’m okay with you spiralling, Lucy. We can work through that. What I can’t do is always wonder if you see us having time together as something to be guilty about. To be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed of it. Or you, Massimo.” She hesitates before she turns and lays Soren back in his bassinet. Soren lets out an angry cry, but she steels her shoulders and ignores it as steps into me. She wraps her arms around me tight, laying her head on my chest. “I’m sorry. I really am, Massimo. I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t fair. You started the whole thing to try and help me calm down. Everything else I wanted and asked for, and me acting or saying it was anything else makes it sound like I didn’t want it and that I only did it because you did and that’s not it at all.”
The tension in my body releases at her words and I wrap my arms around her tight. She’s right. I hadn’t thought of it like that, but that’s exactly what I took it as, even subconsciously. “All is forgiven,cerbiatta,” I murmur, brushing my lips over the top of her head. “This is all I want. I want you to feel free to talk things through with me. We can’t fix, or work on things, if we don’t, yes?”
She gives a dry chuckle. “I had no idea Italians were so big on communication. I thought it was all passion and yelling from those movies I saw growing up,” she teases lightly.
I grin. “Ah,cara mia, we most certainly do. I’m only being on my best behavior for you.” She eases back and gives a doubtful look. I laugh. “Mostly,” I concede.
“Do I have to worry about Soren’s first words being some Italian curse word that I don’t understand?”
It pleases me greatly that she’s thinking of us being together in a future tense. “Probably, though you can blame Alessio if it happens. He’ll be the one to start that.”
“Somehow I can see that.” She loses her smile. “I really am sorry, Massimo.”
I cup the back of her head and lean down to brush my lips over hers. “I know,cerbiatta. All is forgiven so you don’t have to worry about it or feel guilty about it anymore.” I lower my head to give her another kiss, but pull away when Soren gives another angry sound from his bassinet. I give her a slow, dangerous smile, making her eyes widen. “But I have plans of my own to make you pay for driving me so crazy earlier,” I purr, nipping at her lower lip.
She shivers delicately. “Massimo…”
“Mmm, I love when you say my name like that. First, though, you are going to show me the proper way to give our son a bath, and leave him with me while you relax and I get him to bed. Then, when he’s good and asleep, I’ll show you just what I have in mind.”
Her eyes glaze over and desire makes her face flush. Oh, yes, I’m looking forward to this indeed.
41
LUCY
Who knewthat watching a baby pee on a man could be so funny? Massimo stares down in shock at the stain now forming on his shirt. In one hand he holds the washcloth he insisted he didn’t need to lay over Soren in the first place, and the other just hangs limply at his side.
Soren just lets out a happy sound and kicks his legs and flails his arms, splashing water.
“I told you,” I gasp out, bent over laughing against the vanity where we’ve set up the small bathtub.
Massimo gives me a bland stare before looking at Soren again. “We need to talk about where you’re aiming,ometto,” he tells him mildly, before getting back to work gently washing him. Then he slides his gaze over to me. “And your mama and I are going to have a chat about laughing at her man, yes?” There’s a subtle warning in his tone, and a small shiver of excitement skitters down my spine.
I don’t answer him, just smirk, enjoying the ease between us. Now that we’re alone, all the desire I was feeling earlier has come back. Hell, worse than before.
Probably because he’s rolled up his sleeves and all those delicious tattoos are showing on his forearms again. God, I swear there are few things hotter than that. Don’t ask me why, especially considering he’s changed into a pair of sweatpants again that outline him in all the right places. And since he’s insisted that he’s going to do the majority of Soren’s bath to learn, that leaves me the chance to admire him.
“Keep looking at me like that and I’ll put him to bed early and take you right here over the counter,cerbiatta,” he growls at me, a heated promise in his eyes.
I flush but say nothing. Instead, I look back at Soren, and try to regain my composure.
