Page 92 of Little Deer
“And now?”
“And now I want to try,” she admits, nerves filling her voice. “But I don’t know how I’m going to feel now and?—”
“Lucy,” I warn her.
“No, listen,” she insists. “I gave birth six weeks ago, and while everything is healed, and the doctor the other day said that I just needed the bleeding to stop, and it has, I’ve heard it can hurt and be super uncomfortable the first time. I don’t want to disappoint you if I can’t…”
“How could you ever disappoint me, Lucy? Your comfort is my only priority. I will never allow you to hurt. If you need to stop, we stop, no question. We talk, we figure out what you need, and when you’re comfortable, we try again. If that’s not for another few weeks, then that’s what we do. We find something that works.” A dark thought enters my mind. “Did he ever force you to take him when you were too sore or struggling?”
The very thought makes my guts burn.
She hesitates, and that’s enough for me to know that is exactly what that fucker did.
“It happened once,” she finally whispers. “We had just been at the club and we were going really hard. I was into it when we were there, but he was really rough that night. I wanted that, so I didn’t complain. Then, we went home, and I was exhausted and sore. I needed a hot bath, and to just sleep. He used to be good with aftercare, but that night, he was so amped up, feeling so high off the rush of what we did, that when we got home, he wanted sex again. I told him no, that I was too sore, but then he used that tone and I just gave in. I told myself I was into it, that it was my job as his wife, his sub in that moment, to give him what he wanted, but he was so much rougher. He didn’t go slow or be careful with how sore and swollen I already was. In the end, I just had to lie there and wait for him to be done. When he was, he was so proud of himself he didn’t realize how sore I was or how I didn’t enjoy it. He just rolled away and told me I was good to bathe then. I did, and I had to avoid him for days. He kept telling me how disappointed he was in me for not wanting to have sex with him as much as he wanted to have sex with me.”
Fucker. That absolute cunt. I’m going to enjoy seeing him in hell. I’ll take over his punishments from whatever demon is assigned to him. And I’ll be so much fucking worse for what he did to this woman. Tomywoman.
43
LUCY
Massimo’s face is thunderous.Shit, I should have kept my mouth shut. I’ve ruined the moment. Suddenly, I’m whipped around, facing Massimo as he grips the hair at the back of my head to hold me in place, his other hand gripping my hip. His grip is firm, but not bruising. I stare up at him with wide eyes.
Uh oh.
“Lucy, if there is ever any man that deserves hell, it’s that fucker,” he growls, furious. “He did not deserve you. Any part of you. I don’t care what kind of man he was in the beginning. It doesn’t change who he was at the end. But I will swear this to you now. I am not him and I will never be him. I don’t care about my own needs, I care about yours. Any time you don’t want something, you tell me no and it ends. You’re uncomfortable with something, that’s the end of it. No excuses or fears about disappointing me. And if you are too sore, I want you to tell me. If you are hurting, you tell me. Your comfort is what I care about. Always. Nothing else.”
I believe him. A gut deep belief.
“I trust you, Massimo,” I whisper. “I really do.”
I see the relief in his eyes first. Good, at least he believes me. “Good. And thank you for telling me, Lucy. I want you to always feel comfortable telling me. No matter what. Communication is the only thing that will help us get to the point we are most comfortable with each other. Is that your only worry? That our first time will hurt?”
“That and I have no idea how it’s going to feel for you.” He arches a brow, waiting for me to explain. Shit, how am I going to explain it? “Well, I had a baby, and that kind of, uh, stretches things, and I did have a little bit of tearing, and even though it’s healed now, I just don’t know how that’s going to feel.” My face flames with embarrassment.
God, this is such a weird conversation.
“You are worried how it will feel for me?” he clarifies slowly. I nod. “Cerbiatta, there is not a part of you that won’t feel perfect. If you are worried, then we will take things slowly, yes?”
“Not too slowly, I hope.” His lips pull up into a knowing grin. I slam my eyes shut and groan. “Why can’t I stop blurting stuff out?”
“Because you are comfortable with me,cerbiatta. You know that I will not judge you for what you say and listen.”
He’s right. I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone.
“I really want to try, Massimo. I want to be with you. I’ve been thinking about it since earlier, and, uh, I guess you’ve already figured out that I’ve got almost a year of pent-up needs to get out.” I give him a shy, but wry smile.
His mouth pulls up into a predatory smile. A shiver of desire and unease filters through me. It’s a heady combination, but one that makes me want to grab on to him and hold on for the ride. “And I can’t wait to pull it all out of you,cerbiatta,” he purrs. “Every last fucking drop. I want to taste all of it, feel all of itwrapped around my cock as I’m so deep inside you that you won’t want it to end.” His hand slips from my hip, down over my ass to where my cheek connects with my upper thigh, running his fingers along the sensitive skin there, before dipping inward to trace along the seam of my inner thigh and my folds. I gasp, shivering at the sensation. “And how about we get started on that now?”
Yes, please.
When Massimo saidthat he cared about my comfort I wasn’t exactly picturing this, but fuck, this is so fucking good. He pulled the ottoman in the middle of the closet in front of the mirror, grabbed some of his ties, and told me to climb up. I had a moment of apprehension, but my excitement and curiosity won out. Which is exactly how I’ve ended up here.
My wrists and ankles are secured to the legs of the ottoman with his ties, even as I’m on all fours angled sideways to the mirror.
It’s lewd and indecent, all of me on display this way, but like hell I’m not excited.
He was very clear when telling me what he wanted, careful to never make it an order, ready to stop if I gave any hint that I wasn’t ready. My only apprehension was not being able to get to Soren if he cried, but Massimo was careful to leave the knots loose enough that I can get out if I need to. Along with promising me that he’d grab him immediately if we heard him.
