Page 17 of A Little Christmas! Johnny
Lucky for me, my phone is still on the dresser where I had it plugged in. Not so lucky for me is the fact that my sister, brother-in-law, and mother have all bombarded me with text messages.
Erica:
when are you showing up to take care of the dogs? Shelly needs to give you her keys
Jared:
this is really irresponsible of you John. My brother can’t afford to board his dogs and your mother already agreed you would watch them.
Mommy Dearest:
it’s not like you have anything important happening for the holidays. You can watch all of the dogs in between your tinkering and maybe find a real job.
The anxiety of having forgotten about Peanut morphs quickly into the bitter sting of disappointment. I expect the selfish shit from my brother-in-law. He’s an ass who only thinks about himself and what makes him look good to others. But for some reason, I stupidly continue to hold out hope that my mother will look at me like more than an unruly servant one of these days.
There’s no point in responding to my sister or Jared. The one I have to put my foot down with is my mother. She’s been overstepping my boundaries for years now, and I have to draw the line. I can’t continue being the family whipping boy.
Me:
my job is a real job
in fact it’s what paid off your mortgage when dad was forced into early retirement remember?
Mommy Dearest:
just because your hobby gives you a little extra money is no reason to turn down helping family when they are in need
Me:
first of all, Jared’s brother is not my family
secondly, this family trip you are taking without me really doesn’t make me feel obliged to help any of you
third and final point is that if it wasn’t for the fact that my niblings are amazing humans despite being raised by all of you, i would have cut contact years ago...
Okay, so I deleted that last one before sending it. It wouldn’t do any good. She wouldn’t feel anything from it and would hone in on my use of the gender neutral word instead of the fact that she’s a shit mother and grandmother.
Mommy Dearest:
this is why i didn’t bother to invite you. All you do is complain.
if only you would be more like your sister and find a nice girl to settle down with and have some kids it would make sense.
no one likes being around you all lonely and mopey
It takes everything in me not to throw my phone at the wall. Not only do I not need the hassle of buying yet another new phone, but I can’t damage Russel’s home – not after he was so kind in letting me stay.
Instead, I scream my rage out – forgetting that Dexter is downstairs. Clutching the phone to my chest, I collapse on the bed and let the tears come. Five minutes. I have five minutes to fall apart, and then It's time to buck up and be a man about it.
16
DEXTER
It’s fascinating to see the way that Johnny flips between almost Little and Big while still half asleep. I’ve been around plenty of Littles and Middles at the club in addition to knowing Russ for the last five years, but Johnny is different. It’s like he’s constantly on edge so the bits and pieces that leak through are purely instinct for him. One example is when I yelled at him to stop picking up the shards of broken ceramic. He froze and let me take control, even sitting nicely while I cleaned up. Most men, especially subs that I’ve known, wouldn’t be able to sit by while I cleaned up a mess they made.
Yeah, he grumbled a bit, but it was adorable to watch him sulk. When he suddenly ran upstairs, I was curious what triggered it but didn’t worry about it... until I heard him scream. I don’t think I’ve ever moved that fast in my life, but by the time I hit the doorway, I had already decided that whoever made him make that sound would pay dearly.
Looking in the room, I see a lump under the blankets on the bed. I know he’s hurting for some reason, but I don’t know why or what I can do to help him. I lift a corner of the blanket to see his red-rimmed eyes with tears pooling on the pillow. He hurriesto pull his thumb out of his mouth, but I gently guide it back in place. He obviously needs the comfort.
