Page 110 of Steeling Her
“That’s not going to happen,” I state confidently back to her, shutting her up in an instant. It is so silent in the kitchen, you could hear a pin drop. My dad storms out to the backyard where he starts to pace back and forth on the lawn. Everyone watches him as he looks like he needs to calm down.
Why in the holy hell is he pissed? This has fuck all to do with him!
“Nick, Haley, come sit for a moment. TJ, you go back inside, I’ll get George.” My mom walks out to grab my dad and escorts him back into the living room where TJ has run to.
Once they’re all inside, my mom strides back out and makes me take the seat opposite to Haley. Sitting in the middle and acting as the mediator, we all take a breather for a moment before she continues, “Look, I can both see that you’re hurting about TJ and Haley”—she looks at me but points to my sister—“and Nick and Carter”—she looks at Haley but points to me—“but you both need to accept that this was your choice, Haley, and your choice, Nick. I understand you’re hurt about losing a roommate and a friend, Haley, but see it from her view. The same goes for you, Nick, see it from TJ’s perspective. I can see that both you boys care deeply about them, and the girls care about you both too.” She stands up to her full height and starts to walk towards the living room once more. “Which is why I’m going to leave you two to talk to each other so you can get it from your point of views. No more fighting, please, it breaks my heart seeing you both like this.” She looks at us both solemnly before she shuts the door behind her.
Now it’s just us two. Alone.
***
Haley
Nick is sitting across from me, silent and deadly. His demeanor has me slowly pissing myself off. But I don’t want to speak first. This is all his fault. He’s as quiet as a mouse and is shifting in his seat in front of me.
“I like her, Haley.” There it is. He caved first. “I like her a lot.” He fiddles with the glass on the table, refusing to meet my stare. I start to smile, not believing in his bullshit. It’s the same story, but different girl. I feel bad for Carter, she actually thinks my brother will stay with her. “Wipe that stupid smile off your face, Haley. I know what you’re thinking. I really do like her.” I’m offended by his choice of words. That is not the way to get me to approve of their little budding romance that will flop as soon as it gets going.
“Is that what you keep telling her so you can get some?” I joke but he doesn’t take it lightly at all. He slams the glass down on the table, making me jump a little.
“You can think what you fucking want, Haley, I don’t need your goddamn signature of approval. I can date whoever I want to date. I can date her for as long as I want. She’s the best thing that’s ever fucking happened to me in a long time. So, you and your little fuck buddy can—”
“Don’t you dare, Nick! Don’t you dare! I love him! I have since I was five! Don’t be such an asshole about it . . .” I sigh, trying to calm myself down by releasing my fisted hands. “I know it’s stupid, but I do. I can’t stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him all the time. He’s like the other piece of me now.” I’m so frustrated at brother about this. He can be such an inconsiderate asshole at the worst of times.
We’ve yet to talk about his latest conquest.
There’s something so different in the air when I’m with TJ. I fell hard for him in the past, and had my heart broken too, but I’m so deep into this with him, and I couldn’t be happier. I just wish my brother wouldn’t be so hung up on it. I know it bothers, TJ, a lot. He wants his best friend back. Wholly.
“You really love him?” He softens his tone, and I blink up at him. Once I nod, he turns his head to the side and sighs. He stares out of the glass doors to the cold and damp ground, weeds laced along the side of the pathway. “Why him?” he asks, still not looking at me.
“I honestly don’t even know?” I chuckle to myself, defeated, trying to figure that out myself. I shake my head and laugh about us and how we’ve come full circle. “He was my very first kiss. My feelings for him grew stronger each day I saw him come home with you from school. When you both would play outside, I would catch myself just watching him. I could’ve sat there and watched him all day. Then, as you both grew up and became more interested in girls, I was left so broken hearted by him. Watching all those girls fall for him, not truly knowing the TJ I know, it broke me every time he was with a girl. But even after all that, I still couldn’t stop loving him. It’s hard to stop when you’re up to your neck in it.
“But it’s my turn now, I get to be that girl that I was so jealous of. I get to hold his hand, hug him, watch him play football . . . shirtless.” I laugh at my brother’s grimacing face. “I can be that girl, but the difference is, I know the real dorky TJ and not the smooth-talking charmer he was with girls. Because even knowing he’s weird and nerdy, I still can’t stop loving him . . . I never could.” I feel my eyes water up. I’m finally speaking my true feelings to Nick, who has his hand resting under his chin and propping up his head. I hold them back because I know he hates seeing me, my mom, or Ellie cry. He’s never been a good comforter. It usually made us laugh when he’d try, thus, cheering us up a little. “I’m so drawn to him Nick, and I know it’s soon, but he’s the one for me . . . Well, on my end anyway.” I look down at my fingers, rubbing them across the cold table.
“I never knew that’s how you felt, Haley . . .” There was a long pause of silence between us. It’s long and dragged out, and it becomes uncomfortable.
“It’s how I’ve always felt when it comes to him,” I whisper, making eye contact with him. The next thing I feel is his hand take hold of mine on the table.
Sighing deeply, he smacks his head onto the table, then bangs it lightly again, making me smile, because I know exactly what he’s doing. He’s giving into this. He’s allowing himself to accept it, accept that there’s this strong connection between me and his best friend. Judging by his face, I can tell he’s having an internal battle about it. It’s confirmed when he bangs his head on the table again.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this . . .” he mumbles to the wood. Before looking up at me, he sighs loudly once again and leans back on his chair. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fucking weird . . . but I suppose you guys can date.I suppose. I’ll come around to the idea of it . . . eventually.” As if I sprinkled salt into his wounds, he scrunches up his face and finally accepts it. “It’s still weird as fuck though . . . and I will beat the shit out of him if he hurts you! I mean it . . .I won’t hold back, Haley, you know this . . .” He points over the table at me and I nod, even though I know that he won’t. He’s always been the best big brother to me, even now.
I still love him, regardless.
“Don’t I know . . . But please Nick, don’t let it affect your friendship with him. He really misses hanging out with you. He misses being with you,” I confess, I know TJ won’t say shit about missing him, but I know he’s been down about not having him around like he used to. I can tell. “He misses his best friend.” I’m trying to push him to go and speak to TJ about all of this, to get his side too.
I know TJ tried talking to him that day when I stayed over at the house and talked all night with him, but Nick just brushed him off and cut ties with him. I could hear their conversation when they started to yell at each other. TJ’s face really broke my heart. He doesn’t talk about it, but I know he got beat hard by my brother verbally.
“I’ll have a talk with him, but right now, my main focus is to find out why the hell you thought it was okay to talk to Carter that way at the house. Even when she was helping TJ out, you still had the nerve to degrade her. I wasn’t okay with that, Haley, and I could tell neither was TJ, or her for that matter.” His brows furrow in a heartbeat when he mentioned her name. He has never, in all my time of knowing my brother, defended a girl. Ever.
“I thought she used me to get to you . . . and she was my roommate; she went behind my back to get with you—” He holds up his hand to stop me from talking.
“Let me stop you right there, what is it that you think we’ve done exactly?” His tone is sharp. It’s weird to see him so passionate about standing up for her. It’s making me realize, maybe that was not what I thought it was originally?
“You fucked her and are going to move on?-” He starts to laugh loudly. I know it’s not a humorous one, not by any stretch of my imagination.
“Of course you did—” He shakes his head and leans back on his elbows.
“Well, it’s a routine with you. How am I not meant to draw to that conclusion? I just felt betrayed by you both . . .” I bite back because he’s starting to annoy me again. He does this in every argument we have. He gets smug and always thinks he’s in the right when it’s not always the case.
