Page 206 of Steeling Her
I kick off my shoes and lift my top off, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror that’s hanging on the wall. I run my hand over my pecks, touching the lines inked onto my skin forever and remembering the time I made the decision to get it.
It was our last college game, we were in the championship finals. I was sitting on the sofa at the party I was at, it was held at one of the guy’s cousin’s house who lived near campus. I was sipping on an ice cold beer and had just been staring off into space. Everyone gave me my own space to allow me sit and think. I hadn’t been myself at the time. Sitting alone, I had multiple thoughts in my head, but getting a tattoo kept returning to my mind.
So, I left the party by myself and went to the nearest parlor. It took me a while to get there, but I needed to be alone. I got the ink scribed onto my skin, yet I can’t remember a single moment of it. All I did was stare at the ceiling and think about her.
I made that choice. I don’t regret it. She’ll always have a special place in my heart, no matter what happens.
I swallow down hard as I stare at the black faded letters on my skin. I can even feel my heart thumping just at the thought of her. I trace the letters with the tips of my fingers.
I shut my eyes, remembering what it felt like to have her touch my skin once again. The electric feeling she left as she makes a blazing trail behind each stroke, that moment meant the world to me.
I watched her get lost in the moment. She didn’t even realize she was doing it. That gave me hope.
I clutch my chest and drop my head down to the floor. My heart becomes heavy just thinking about her, like always. It’s so hard to restrain myself when I’m around her. My body and mind instinctively long for her. It longs for her to make my heart whole once again.
When she realized what she was doing, her eyes clouded over with so much pain, and that stung me. It pains me to see her hurt like that and to know that I am the cause of it.
I back away from the mirror and lay flat on my back on top of the bed I have for the next couple of weeks. I stare up at the ceiling once again and think back to the day I ended things with her. The day I regret the most in my life. The day my dad and I fractured our relationship, all because he put too much pressure on me to break it off. The day I ended things with her when I shouldn’t have.
I should have fought for her.I could’ve been an even better football player with her by my side.
I could have had it all.
And now, I’m just a miserable man with a dark cloud following me wherever I go. As much as I’d like to continue to blame my dad for it, I had five years to make it right. But I knew she wouldn’t have me back. I was scared to take the chance, scared to see that she could have moved on. And she did. I knew I had broken her, and I knew she wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
But seeing her now only shows that there is still something between us and that I should have made the effort years ago. I should have fought for her before now.
Five years later is not good enough, Nick.
I run my hand down my face and think about how I can make this right.
What do I need to do?
Get rid of fuck boy, first and foremost.
***
Carter
I have a throbbing headache from the little monster in between me and her mother. There’s only so many times I can take that stupid shark song. It’s all my dad’s fault too. He knew that he’d get her to sing. Driving up front, he’s bopping his head along to her singing at the top of her lungs strapped in heavily to the seat next to me while waving her hands in the air and making my ears ring. If she had toned her voice down, I could tolerate it, but for her, thisisthe toned down version.
I flick my eyes to Danielle and send her a pleading look. “I’m sorry,” she mouths to me and I sigh, nodding my head to tell her that it’s fine. She’s only a kid, she doesn’t know any better.
All I know is that she’s exactly like her father with how energetic she is and fearless like her mother. That is, until she meets someone new.
“You ready to scream for your daddy, sweetie?” my mom asks her as we drive towards the stadium to watch my brother play. Her body is facing out the front window and her head is turned around to face her granddaughter.
“Yeah!” She smiles excitedly since she’s going to see her dad play on the field once again. She enjoys going to his games. “Can I have a hot dog?” she asks her grandmother and she happily agrees to her request. She normally goes for nachos and then brings them home. A hot dog is a change.
“Of course you can!” My mom pats her knee and winks at her. My parents would bend over backwards for this kid and I can understand why.
“Where is Austin?” I ask anyone who can answer me.
“He’s already there. He couldn’t wait for someone who took too long to get ready.” My dad side eyes my mom, who flicks her hair proudly.
“And I look fabulous!” She smirks.
We giggle at my mom who doesn’t care if anyone judges her for taking too long to get ready. Her oldest son should know by now that she takes a lifetime to get ready for these events.
