Page 231 of Steeling Her
“There you are, sir, I assume you know how to drive it?” he asks, shutting the car door and crouching down to peer through the open window.
“Oh, yes.” I’m still grinning like a kid in a candy store as I check out all the gadgets and the goods that come with this amazing car.
“Enjoy.” He taps the door for added approval. I drive into the direct heat. With the sun shining on my face, I leave the airport behind me and make the long journey down to the house that I haven’t visited in a while.
A couple of hours later, I find myself outside my childhood home. The garden has been kept neat and tidy. The flowers are in bloom, giving the place a little color.
I switch my gaze to the road in front and decide to reach for my bag in the passenger seat beside me. I kick open the door and drag myself out, still knowing that I only half want to do this; the other half keeps repeating Elaine’s words “Forgive, forget and fix” over and over again to push me towards the navy-blue door. A clean white house, just how my mother always wanted. She finally got my dad to come around to it. It looks like it’s been freshly painted too.
I trudge up the pathway to get closer and closer to the door. Once on the porch, I press the doorbell and let it chime.
I feel like a stranger, even though I’m at my own childhood home.
I wait. I can hear footsteps coming closer. When the door opens, I see my mother. Her mouth drops and so does the bowl tucked under her arm so she could manage to open the door. Both hands come up to her face and cover her mouth in shock.
A soft smile plays on my lips as I wait for her to say something—anything.
I get a scream from her and then she wraps both arms around me. “Oh, Nicholas! My boy! My boy!” she screams in my ear, practically making me deaf.
I close my eyes and take her in. “Hi, Mom,” I whisper. Once I open my eyes up and look into the house, I hear another set of footsteps.
Over my mom’s shoulder, I see Ellie rush out to see what is going on. A beaming smile greets her face as I feel a wave of guilt wash over me. She’s so grown up, and I was too selfish to return to watch her grow into a young girl.
I replicate her smile and open my arms for her to join in. She races towards me and wraps both her arms around me as well.
I hold both of them since I miss them so much. All because of my own decisions.
“Hey, Ellie.” I smile down at my youngest sister and watch her beam back up at me.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening. It’s you—it’s really you!” My mom pulls back and looks at me dead in the eyes. Taking my face in both of her hands, she stares at me like I’m not real, like it’s all a dream for her. “This is just . . .” She pauses for a moment to take this moment in. I hear the final set of footsteps come closer, the ones that I’ve been dreading, and the reason why I took this trip down here to see them all.
My father.
He looks disheveled and worn. A salt and pepper beard matches his hair. Crows feet is etched deeply around his mouth and eyes. Some might say laughter lines, but he’s far from laughing.
We stare each other down for a moment in utter silence. It was brief, but it lasted longer than it should have.
It was awkward, to say the least, but it didn’t make me want to run.
“Come in, come in!” My mom picks up my bag and ushers me inside for some cool air. She sets it down near the sofa in the other room and I pat my little sister’s head; she’s still holding me close. “Oh, it’s so good to see you.” My mom gets excited again, making Ellie’s eyes roll heavenward at her dramatics, but I know my mom really missed me. I can see her eyes dance with joy every time she looks at me.
There’s pride in her eyes.
“It’s good to see you too, Mom.” I could see my dad leave to go back to what he was doing. I watch my mom’s attention be drawn to him once again and then back to me, pretending it didn’t happen. She smiles weakly at me and then comes closer to kiss my cheek. “You sit down, I’ll be right back. Would you like some water?” she asks as she begins to walk in the direction my dad left in. I nod simply as a reply. “Ellie?” she asks my sister and she copies my response.
I stand in the living room and wander around to see everything has stayed neatly in its place. All of the photos are still the same; the paintings, the objects, the sounds, and even the smells, it’s all the same.
Chocolate cake; my mom’s famous dessert,I think to myself as I inhale once more.
“I missed you,” Ellie delicately speaks up to me as she sets herself down on the sofa.
“I’ve missed you way more.” I smile and saunter over to crouch down to her level.
“Why didn’t you come back?” That was the question that I didn’t want to hear. Not from my younger sister, who doesn’t understand the full story—the full mistake.
“It’s a long and complicated story Ellie, I—”
“George!” I can hear my mom scold my father in a hushed tone, but I can hear it; so can Ellie. She smiles sheepishly to ignore it. It was time to face the music. I needed to stop their fight as I know it is about me. I need to speak to him.
