Page 237 of Steeling Her
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” He pushes his back against the door and allows me inside the place I’ve come to many times. I do have the key he gave me but it doesn’t feel right to use it now.
“Thanks.” I pass by him as I push deeper into the hallway. I make my way towards the living room and eye up the sofa where we spent many nights hanging out on. We used to have cooking competitions and taste our meals blindfolded then give each other a score out of ten.
It was a fun memory.
“Can I get you something?” he asks. It’s the first time I’ve felt like a stranger in his home. It feels more like a bachelor pad, dare I say.
“No, I’m okay. Thanks.” I wave his offer off. I want this to be quick and not painful for both parties.
“Just say it,” he unexpectedly says. “I know the reason why you’ve come today, so just fucking say it.” His temper begins to show. This is what I was afraid of the most. I wanted this to be amicable but he’s choosing a different tune to play right now.
“Ted—”
“No! If you won’t do it, then I will!” He points to me then to himself as he inches aggressively closer to me. I feel my body stiffen as I watch his muscles move along with his words.
“Ted, please. I just don’t want this to be a big thing. I know you’re probably hurting—”
“Hurting! Are you fucking kidding me? I’m ecstatic! I’m through with this stupid relationship. Actually, I have been ever since you started ignoring me. Do you know how petty that is, Carter? Fess up, you have been nothing but an anchor to me this entire time, and I need someone who will be there for me—”
“No! What you want is a prisoner. A trophy wife without a family. That’s what you want!” I take a deep breath, rising to his level. I felt ashamed that I did that. This is not how to handle things. This is not the way. He wants a big blow out to give him a reason to hate me, but I won’t rise to his immaturity. I won’t. “Look, I don’t want to do it like this, Ted.” I shake my head, begging him to not go down this route.
“It’s because of him, isn’t it?” He scowls at the thought of Nick. “You cheated on me with him, didn’t you?” he booms, causing me to step back and take a deep breath in. Shocked is an understatement of how I feel. I’m hurt that he would think so lowly of me.
“No, Ted, I didn’t cheat on you with him. I’m a little insulted that you think I would. I would never and have never cheated on anyone, and you know I wouldn’t, so don’t even go there,” I warn him with a pointed finger, acting like a mother scolding her child for having his hand in the cookie jar. “Don’t stand there and insult me like that.” I’m starting to get upset that he came to that conclusion.
“If not that, then why? Why the fuck are you doing this?” He shrugs, standing there in front of me.
“I just don’t think it’s going to work. It’s fizzled out—”
“Fizzled out?! You haven’t given this much of a shot since he’s moved here—”
“Hold on a minute, I have given it my all with or without him here. It has nothing to do with Nick, so stop bringing him up!” I yell at him, infuriated.You know you’re lying.
“So you’re telling me that our relationship has fizzled on its own?” He sends a wave of attitude over to me with folded arms.
“Yes. I wanted someone present with me as much as they can, but you’re not. You’re too focused on your work. I both admire that about you and resent it, but that’s not what I want. I wanted balance, but I know you can’t give me that, Ted. You forget half of the time that I’m even there—”
“That’s not true and you know it—”
“What about those dinners when you stood me up at the restaurants? You’ve done it numerous times. You prioritize your work over me and forget to even send me a message to let me know. And it didn’t just happen once.” I tilt my head to the side and feel my face drop in disappointment. “It’s not working, and you can see that too,” I point out. “You have noticed that we are not compatible enough for each other.” I shrug while he just stares blankly at me. I can see his eyes moving as he thinks it over.
He shakes his head and moves himself around in circles with his bare feet. “I had a ring for you,” he blurts out. What he said causes my jaw to drop open. My heart stops when he opens his mouth and says that. It was not what I was expecting.
“What?” I ask incredulously. I could feel a sense of panic rise up my chest thinking about it, thinking about a life with him. It’s not something that I want. I’ve known that but buried it in the back of my mind for a while.
“I held off on doing it for some time,” he confesses and I feel a little at ease. That is a special moment between two people, and I wouldn’t want that taken from him for a pity proposal.
I drop my vision to my feet and stare at them as I think.
“But it looks like I’ll be keeping it in my safe now—”
“Look, I know you—”
“No, you don’t know. You don’t know how I’ve felt about you, Carter. I was going to propose to you—”
“You were,” I state.
“What?” he asks in frustration, causing the crows feet in the corners of his tired eyes to be more prominent.
