Page 238 of Steeling Her
“You said ‘I was going to propose’ like you changed your mind—”
“Yeah, because you’re standing here trying to end it—”
“No, I’m not trying to end it. Iamending it.” I stop us from going around in circles and make it clear that this is over. I don’t want to be part of this relationship anymore.
I’m tapping out and hoping someone can help me up.
“No, I’m ending it,” he retorts through gritted teeth.
How childish,I think to myself.
“Fine. Either way, it’s over. I’m leaving.” I walk around him to leave but he takes hold of my upper arm. I sigh, staring forwards out of the the door way to get to the hallway.
“What did you mean by ‘you were’?” A final question that was pending for both of us. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he already knows it. He knows that he bought that ring on the spur of the moment, an impulse buy some might say. He knows that at some moment during our relationship, he chose to not do it. It wasn’t Nick, it was us.
“I think you know what I meant when I said that. I think you knew that we weren’t right for each other, but you’re too afraid to admit it,” I softly say, trying not to dig the knife in any further. I don’t want to hurt him or myself. That’s why I came here today; to get this over with because the silent treatment wasn’t fair. It’s not right to keep playing this unhappy relationship that we both already want out.
“Were you in love with me?” he asks, and I feel my heart shatter with the desperation that came from his voice. I couldn’t lie either. I am confronted with a question that he never asked before and most certainly never liked.
“Ted—”
“Please, I need to know.” The grip on my arm becomes harsher. He was a controlling person; always was. I thought it was because he hasn’t been in a relationship before, but now I see that it’s part of who he is.
“I’m sorry.” That’s all I say for him to know that I wasn’t. And with that final piece, I leave his home for the final time.
I’m on my own now. I’m out of the hardship that was my old relationship, and now, it’s time to rebuild.
I had given myself the time to cry alone and peacefully mourn the relationship I had with him. I felt better doing that. It gave me the strength to come over to his house and tell him to his face. Without that time, I wouldn’t have been able to do it tonight. I would have chickened out or cried then and there. What I did was the right thing to do. Even though I feel better, it’s still painful. That time we were together, I was invested in the relationship. Now, it’s gone.
I feel a sense of peace, knowing that I had the control over the breakup this time. Although the guy still chose his career over me, I was the one who broke it off instead of him. I had control over myself again and I felt so good, empowered.
For the first time in my life, I made the decision, even though I know he’ll tell his friends the opposite. I don’t care.
I’m Carter Steel again, and I will never lose sight of her.
I stare back at the house. He’s not in sight, giving me the green light to remove myself from him for good.
I slip into the driver’s seat of my car, biting my lip to hide my smile. Even though it hurts a little, nothing will ever compare to my last breakup.
I ignite the engine in a rush and strap my seatbelt around me, ready to head off into the sunset, toward my own home. I’ve decided to think about starting anew and redecorating the place. I’ll need to think it over and budget myself, because one thing can lead to another and I won’t be able to foot the bill.
I need to chill and keep this smile on my face. Being comfortable in my own skin is the one thing that I’ve struggled at. I need to be me and be okay with being me before I can be with anyone else.
As I look upwards and follow the signs towards my home, I arrive just in time to watch the sunset. As I push myself out of the car with a little bounce in my step, I stand tall and watch the color of the sky, mesmerizing me for a few moments.
The pink, purple, orange, and yellow sky hypnotizes me with the subtle changes in its hue as the sun disappears below the horizon for its bedtime. I lean back against the door of my car and cross my ankles and arms as I stand there, taking the view in.
I watch the sun hide away as the moon and stars come out to greet me. The darkness cloaks me, but I don’t feel frightened. I feel alive. I look straight up to see some stars twinkling and smiling back at me.
“Hi there,” I greet it.
***
Nick
Due to the summer nights still standing as it is, I have to head to Arizona in the morning for the next game with the team. Coach gave me the time off as he knew that I would be good to play once I check into the hotel tomorrow morning and get myself a quick training and warm up session.
The heat still lingers in the air even when night has fallen. I push the window out even further and rest myself on the sill, leaving one leg dangling out and the other planted firmly against the wall for support. I stare at the quiet neighborhood and watch the stillness take over my body.
