Page 248 of Steeling Her
Uhhh, yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been wondering since I answered the door.
“I know I’m a stubborn old man, but I came here to talk to you about what happened and to give you the apology you deserve. I take full responsibility for forcing Nick into breaking up with you all those years ago. I knew that you meant a lot of each other, and I shouldn’t have meddled in your relationship. It wasn’t my place to. I was just very worried for him and his career. I didn’t think he’d make it, but I also thought as soon as he got drafted that he’d get back with you. He likes to defy everything I say and ask of him, so I didn’t think this request of mine would have been an exception. But he told me that you refused to speak to him—”
“It was hard for me—it was the hardest breakup I’ve ever gone through,” I confess, feeling my throat beginning to close up at the thought of it—the thought of that day, that moment.
It hurt because I loved him like crazy.
I still do, nothing has changed, but can I risk that heartache again?
“I know, I didn’t realize at the time how much you meant to him.” I blink. My heart rips through my chest at the thought of Nick speaking to his dad about me. “But I do realize now. You mean the world to him, Carter.” I could feel the first tear roll down my face. I quickly wipe it away to not make this any more awkward than it needs to be. I mentally tell myself to pull it together.
“He said that?” I whisper in shock.
“Yeah, he did.” He rests both of his arms on in his bent knees and loosely intertwines his fingers. “I came here tonight to apologize to you. I know it’s been so long. I know you got hurt, and I am deeply, deeply sorry for that. That’s all on me, not on him. If you’re going to punish someone—and trust me, I wouldn’t blame you if you did—punish me, not him. I threatened him to breakup with you, and if he didn’t do it, I would have. I’m glad I didn’t, it would have made things a whole lot worse. A father should never do that to their own kid. It took just one look at him for me to realize that, but I shamefully did. I will never forgive myself for it.” He nods with pressed lips. Shame is written on every inch of his face. You can see that the years weren’t as kind to him as they were to his wife. His features are a little more gaunt than I remember. I know it’s been five years, but he never looked like that. However, you can also see the pride in his eyes when he speaks about Nick. “So, the reason why I’m here is to say that I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry. I should never have said anything. It wasn’t my place.” He tilts his head a little to one side as he looks for a reaction from me, like he knows how badly it affected us both.
Heartbreak is the worst, and nine times out of ten, you move on and get over it.
But he was that one. He was my one out of ten.
“Thank you,” I softly respond. I feel my fingers begin to fidget out of nervousness. “I really appreciate you coming and apologizing to me—”
“I know,” he says.
“Know what?” I ask suspiciously of what he’s about to say next. Is he a mind reader or do I have it written all over my face?
“That it’ll take some time. I hope in time you will forgive me. I know it’s fresh at the moment, and I respect that. I just wanted what was best for Nick. He wasn’t thinking straight, and I thought I was. I broke you both apart for the sake of my own selfish reasons. I, truly, am sorry that I made him—I mean, threatened him—to end it with you. It’s been five years since I had a conversation with him. That weekend changed my outlook on those five years.
“I saw it from his eyes instead of through a father’s eyes who wanted what was best for him. I thought I was doing the right thing by him and his career, but I was only hurting him and you. I shouldn’t have gotten involved or gotten in between you two. You mean a lot to my son.” I wonder why he’s telling me all of this. It’s been five years.
I smile awkwardly as I stare at the older Nick look-alike. The shallow skin with the crows feet surrounding his eyes move as he blinks back at me.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why now?” I’m treading on dangerous ground with that question. I know how bad this man’s temper can get. I’ve seen what he’s like during Nick’s football games. I don’t want it to flare up.
“It took a long time, I’ll admit that. Nick came home for the very first time in five years. I never thought that it would happen, and neither did Lynn for that matter, but seeing my wife so happy about him coming back, I thought that it would be enough to just keep her smiling and happy. Then, Nick made the first move to talk to me like the man we raised, but I was stubborn; rude and full of my own shit. I’m not afraid to say that. I was wrong, and it took one look in my son’s eyes when he spoke about you to see that. I should have respected you and your relationship, end of story. But I didn’t, so all I can ask is for forgiveness, from the both of you. In time, I hope you will forgive me for my mistake, but don’t punish him for it. I take full responsibility for the wrong decision he made. I know it might seem stupid, but I was only looking out for him,” he confesses.
“I know you were, and thank you for coming here and saying that. Yes, it will take me a bit of time to get my head around things, but we have to start somewhere, right?” I nod, appreciating that it might not have been easy to come here and tell me all of this.
“Right. The story is not one of my finest moments.” He laughs. A small smile graces my lips as I look down at my feet.
“There isn’t a single soul on this earth that is perfect, Mr. Jackson.” That is not a lie or opinion. Imperfections are just as amazing; people forget that.
“You are to Nick, Carter. Even with your imperfections, you always will be to him,” he says with a tight smile. That’s a sentence that I never thought I’d hear, especially from him. I shift in my seat as the TV plays loudly in the background.
What he said gives me some food for thought.
He brings his attention to the fifty-two inch screen in front of him and chuckles to himself “Still a fan, I see?” he asks me even though he already knows the answer to that.
“I don’t have a choice, Mr. Jackson. It’s in my blood, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I smile as we laugh between the two of us.
“I better leave. I’m sure I’ve taken enough of your time, and I’m sure your dinner has gone cold—”
“Don’t worry about that, I’ll just stick it back in the microwave.” I wave at the plate sitting on the table that I was once eating on.
He stands up to his full height. I look so petite next to him.Like father, like son.
I feel a sense relief that I managed to have this conversation with him. I feel better—much better—and it was something that I never knew I needed.
Yes, I didn’t get my questions answered, but I’m tired of going around in circles. I understand why he did what he did. Do I agree with it? No. But I understand it.
