Page 257 of Steeling Her
“I think you could both guess.” Haley smiles.
“TJ,” Danielle and I say simultaneously.
“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!” Haley jokes, holding up her glass in the air.
“You missing him?” I ask her.
“Yeah, I always miss him when I’m not with him.” She shrugs. That’s something that we already know. She and TJ are inseparable and always have been since they started dating. “How about you guys?” she asks us both.
“Meh, Chris can wait.” Danielle chuckles into her glass. I know she adores my brother, and he feels the same with her, but they always make a joke about it. They like to keep things light in their relationship. “The only thing I’m missing right now this wine I’m drinking,” she jokes to the waiter coming over to fill up her glass. “It’s been a while since I’ve had one, you know? Thank you.” She smiles at the young waiter who finishes topping up her glass. “Having Taylor kind of cut all of that out for the first few years. Now, I’m starting to get back into it. I usually don’t drink when I’m home in case she gets sick or something and I have to bring her somewhere. I know Chris doesn’t drink during the season, but I take care of her during the days and sometimes nights when we’re not with him during away games. I need to be sober to look after my child, you know?” She sits back once more to get comfortable.
“That makes sense.” I nod. She’s a great mom to Taylor, and Chris is a great dad to her too. It was rocky at first but they both got there in the end.
“How about you?” Haley asks me.
“I don’t have anyone to miss, remember?” I state the obvious.
“I know, but you can miss other people too,” she hints. I stare at her with knowing eyes as she swirls the wine in her glass, avoiding eye contact altogether. I don’t reply. “Wait until I tell TJ and Nick—”
“No, Haley, you can’t tell them. You can’t tell Chris either Danielle.” I stop her.
“What? Why? You don’t owe him anything, Carter,” Haley says a little too harshly for my liking.
“I know I don’t, I didn’t say I did. I just want to figure things out first, so just don’t tell anyone. I will in my time,” I ask this small thing from them.
Haley looks like she was going to object but Danielle got there first. “Fine, we will,” Danielle agrees with me but sends Haley a pointed look to warn her to just do as I say.
“Fine.” Haley grunts before taking another sip of her wine. Another bit of silence cloaks over us as night falls.
I had a great day on the yacht. I appreciate what they did for me, coming to my house and dragging me out of bed then bringing me here for the day. Getting to spend some quality time with them has brought me out of the funk I was in. Time to get back on track now. Time to focus on the present and not the past. Time to create those memories and time to live my life like I’ve always wanted. It’s time to be Carter fucking Steel once again.
“Are you still in love with him?” Haley asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Haley, she broke up with him,” Danielle says incredulously back at our friend. “You can’t ask her that,” Danielle says in a sharp tone. Haley has always been bold, she’s never one to shy away from her feelings or what’s on her mind. She always says whatever she feels like, it can be a blessing and curse with her.
“I didn’t mean Ted,” she responds to Danielle softly, keeping her eyes on me. I stare at her green eyes, just like her older brother’s, knowing that she’s talking about him. With how she asked the question, I knew she wasn’t speaking about Ted. It was too soft to be. She was almost hopeful towards the end of the question, like she was wishing I’d say yes.
I adjust myself so I turn myself away from them. I rest my arm on the back of the seat, bending my elbow and laying my chin on top of my arm to peer out at the light reflecting the movement of the peaks and troughs of the waves that hit beneath us.
The beam of the crescent moon creates a luminescent glow reflecting the surface of the turbulent water, the small spatter of the water hitting against the side of the yacht with minor splashes occurring against the giant gleaming white boat we are on. I hear a small hiss after the wave hits as the water crashes backwards, making the sea foam we all know.
A calmness allows me to think more about the main question I keep asking myself over and over. There’s no doubt that I still love Nick. My question is, is it all worth the fight? Can I put myself out there again and take the chance that we can do it again? Can my heart do that once more, or has it had enough? That is the question I can’t seem to answer.
“Do you?” she repeats herself, this time with no objection from Danielle.
I shut my eyes, feeling this moment of clarity in my mind. The only clarity I’ve had since seeing him again.
And when I do, close my eyes; I can see him.
“Yeah. I do still love him,” I finally say. “I never stopped.”
Chapter Fifty
This House Has a Thousand Stories
Nick
I finally got myself a new car. I have been waiting for it for a few weeks, and I finally have it; a crisp matte-black Mercedes G wagon. I’ve been waiting so long to get this car. I decided to wait until I got my contract with the Chargers to treat myself . . . and the bills. Hard work is finally paying off.
