Page 37 of Steeling Her
“So your brothers will be there?” Haley clasps her hands and waits for my response. I nod, knowing that she will probably fangirl over them.
“You want to meet them? They can come over tomorrow. They’re all staying here for a couple of days before they go back to LA.” I smile back at the blonde girl prepping me for the night.
“Are you serious? I would love to meet Chris and Austin Steel!” she yells very, very loudly. “Holy shit balls! Really? You’re not messing with me right?”Bending down to pick up a brush to use on me, her body stays bent but her eyes look at me to check if I’m kidding.
“Yeah, I mean, they’ll come visit me. So I can introduce them to you both if you want?” I shuffle my feet along the rug in front of the mirror as I watch her prepare the tools she’ll beautify me with. Lord knows I’ll need a lot more than what she has laid out.
“Oh my God! Your older brother Austin was my, like, first ever football player crush! And I get to meet him! FUCK YES! Oh, I’m so excited!” She waves her brush around my face with a huge grin on her face.
“I thought TJ was your first ever football player crush?” Danielle teases her, making Haley go bright red and look down before putting some liquid on my face.
“Well, he was . . . is . . . but I meant like pro footballer.” Averting her attention back to my face after her reply, the room falls silent until I hear Danielle snort behind me. This makes me smile while I have my eyes shut.
“Is? I mean, girl I’m jealous of you! That butt and those abs were impressive when he answered the door in his tighty whities! Am I right, Carter?”
I giggle. I can’t deny he did look good when he answered the door. “Well, I’m not going to lie, he did look good then. I mentally high-fived you when I saw him.” I feel her breathy chuckle on my face when she laughs at what we had said about TJ. He’s hot, he knows it, but he’s playful about it.
“I . . . I just don’t know with him. He’s so hot and cold recently. I think he just flirts with me because . . . well, because I’m there. Like he’s bored and decided to entertain himself.” We hear the sadness in her voice and I can’t help but feel bad for her. “It’s always been like that with him. Did I ever tell you guys he was my first kiss?” I shake my head and assume Danielle is doing the same.
“Yeah, I was six. We were on my porch when I was coloring my book. He was leaving my house and saw me. He came over and frightened me because I didn’t hear him. When I turned around, he caught me in his arms because I bumped off him while I was scared. Then he smiled and leaned in to kiss me. He was so sweet about it all. We’ve kissed a few more times, mainly from spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven type of stuff, but every time we kiss, I get that feeling . . . you know?”
I don’t. I haven’t felt that from a kiss with anyone. I’ve kissed two guys in my entire life, which I regret.
“I wish I could feel that with a guy. I haven’t found him yet . . .” Danielle sighs.
“Me too,” I chime in.
“What?!” they both squeal simultaneously.
“What? What do you mean what? I’ve only kissed two guys, both of which I’m not proud of—”
“Why?” Haley cuts me off as I open my eyes to see her staring down at me in wonder.
“Why? Because they used me to get to my dad and brothers. It wasn’t a nice feeling to find that out. I thought they actually liked me for me but they didn’t; not even close.” I sigh remembering those “dates.” They’re the reason why I don’t believe compliments or when people show interest in me; they’re the reason why I have no confidence in myself. I never had a a lot of it, but they made me feel like crap stuck to the bottom of their shoes. They’re the reason why I don’t bother with guys anymore. I can’t, it’ll only hurt me in the long run.
“God, I’m sorry Carter. They sound like assholes for doing that to you!” I smile weakly at Haley and close my eyes to allow her to continue. “I really like TJ though . . . but I don’t think it’s mutual. I mean, there’re girls around him twenty-four seven. I can’t compete with that . . .
“Guys only go for the slutty girls these days. Despite what you think, those girls get the guy before the others do because it’s right in front of them . . . It’s easy, and they don’t have to challenge themselves to get them, and TJ is a player . . .” Haley finishes her rant.
I couldn’t agree more. Why bother trying to get their attention when you don’t have it in the first place. It’s setting yourself up for loss. We all sigh because we’re in the same boat; thinking about the guys who don’t bother to look at us because we don’t have boobs screaming at them or short skirts that show off our goodies when we bend over or slut drop. We’re not those type of girls and we don’t even try to be. But sometimes, we can't help but feel like it. Is being ourselves really enough these days?
Once I’m ready, I open my eyes to look at myself. “Wow . . . I look so different.” It’s like the last time she did it, smokey-grey eyes with eyeliner rimming them. A small amount of glitter on the eyelids makes my eyes shine. My contour looks amazing too. Wow, she did such an amazing job on my hair and makeup. I can hardly believe it’s me.
“You look so pretty, Carter! Your eyes are amazing, wow! I might even kiss you.” I scrunch up my face at Haley, who proceeds to release a bellowing laugh. “What? College is for experimenting right?” she teases me while cleaning away her tools from my floor and bed. They both take photos with all of us in them for memories.
I slip on my heels before I hear a knock at the door. As soon as it opens, I hear my mom’s voice. Standing tall on my feet, I walk out to greet my mom. As soon as I see her, I run to her as she holds out her arms to hug me. Once in the embrace, I take a deep breath and savor the moment. I missed my mom and dad. I miss my entire family.
“Hi, honey!” she whispers in my ear and I feel nothing but love from her. But I can’t wait to see my dad; he’s been so busy lately, I haven’t been able to talk to him since the night of the party. At least I have talked to my brothers through text messages briefly. She pulls back to look at me. “Well, don’t you look beautiful sweetheart. Look at you, your father and brothers can’t wait to see you. We better go, we don’t want to be late.” I nod and wave by to my roommates before linking an arm with my mom. I grabbed my clutch when I walk out the door.
We’re both walking on the pathway down to the convention center where it’s being held, and I’m hugging onto my mom’s arm. She leans in to whisper to me, “Before we get to them . . . are there any cute guys in college?” she teases me and I blush. Not because of the question but because Nick was the first one who came into my head.
“No.” I stare at my shoes walking along the grey pavement.
“There is, isn’t there! You can’t lie to your mom, I see right through you and your brothers! What’s his name?” She pushes me to tell her but I don’t want to talk about someone I can’t like—shouldn’t like. “Come on, sweetie, girl talk! It’s just us, I won’t tell your father! You have my word on that.” She kisses the side of my head and I hear the clicks of our heels hitting the ground.
I debate silently on whether to tell her or not. In the end, I gave in. I feel bad. She’s always been there for me, I can’t keep anything from her. Like she said, she sees right through me.
“Nick . . .” I finally lift my head to face my look alike. I’ve been told since I was young that I look like the spitting image of my mom, and I couldn’t be happier. I don’t want to resemble a man.
