Page 196 of Steeling Her
And it’s all for her.
C. S.
VI. XXII. MCMXCIV.
The top line is her initials in a cursive script. The second line showcases the day she came into the world in Roman numerals. The day I could never forget. I wanted it branded on me so I got her near the one place only she has access to.
It’s not something I could forget, but that’s not the reason I got it. I just wanted her with me everywhere I went. She haunted me, her ghost was still with me, but I wanted something that meant everything to me the same way she meant everything to me. I know she doesn’t want to see me after we ended things, but I wanted her close to me—close to my heart—and judging from the look on her face, she knows that.
Just below my ribs, I have the words “Amore Eterno” in the same font, which translates to “Eternal Love” in Italian. I have many tattoos around my body that link to her.
I have the constellations of the Big Dipper and Little Dipper on my shoulder to represent the night I climbed up onto the roof of the sorority house to be with her. The night we shared our kiss with each other. I have wings over the stars on my shoulder to represent the true angel that she is.
I have a face that has a wolf’s visage on one half and a human’s on the other, creating a perfect symmetrical face. It represents the demons I have inside me, but she saw me as a person and not the thing most girls did, a beast; that football player who will make it big in the NFL. The two birds flying above the half wolf and human to represent the fact that I sent her free, and that I regret it. The bird following the first one to get it back.
I have a single rose on my collar bone for the time I bought her the flowers when she was in the hospital fighting a virus and when I picked her up for our first date.
The words “Bella Piccola” carved into my shoulder blade means “Beautiful Little One.” A small boat decorated with fairy lights on the mast, like where we had our first ever date together.
I still have the pictures in my wallet of the two of us together on the boat, kissing. I never forgot about them, and I would look at them at night before I would fall asleep when I couldn’t.
The words “I Trust You” is written on the side of the boat, which she would tell me when she wanted to share a special moment. The first time we slept together, those were her reassuring words to let me know she was ready for me.
The main one is the one on my chest, the memory of her. The moment she was brought into this world. The day that she breathed her first ever breath and cried in her parent’s arms. The very day that I’m so grateful for.
She is my world—my everything, and I think she realizes now how much I loved her.
How much I love her.
I feel her finger trace my skin over the letters and numerals on my chest, leaving a trail of hot steaming fire in its wake. She’s touching them to see if they were real—if this was all real. There was a moment where I recognized a vulnerability like I did that day when I watched her walk away from me, one that tells me she’s scared.
When her eyes lift from her fingers on my skin where the ink is forever etched onto me, I could see the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but Ted got there before me.
“What the hell is your problem?” he booms at me.
Pretty boy is about to get his face rearranged.
Chapter Forty
Loving Me Senseless
Nick
“I asked you a quest—” This guy is going to meet my fist in a few seconds if he doesn’t get out of my space. He’s been hovering next to us ever since Carter touched my skin. She still is touching me. I can feel the heat from her fingers, a sense of familiarity.
“I heard what you said, it doesn’t mean I’m going to answer you. So, get out of my face and walk away,” I bark back uncharacteristically. He’s bringing out the worst in me, and I hate that I’m doing this in front of her. I’m trying to hold myself back, but only for Carter. I could take it to another level but I won’t do that; not today.
“You don’t get to talk to me like that.” He pushes himself further into my face. I’m a hair’s breadth away from losing my shit with him. He wants this side of me to come out, I don’t. It’s not pretty.
“What? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your phone ringing,” I smugly say with a large grin on my face. He doesn’t like that, not one bit. I could almost see the steam bursting from his ears as I watch him turn a pretty shade of red.Looks like I hit a nerve, pretty boy.
“Stop!” Carter yells between us. We were both so caught up in the fight about to break out between us that we forgot where we were. She worms herself between the two of us to stop us from fighting. “Today is not about you. It’s not about either of you. This is Taylor’s birthday, and you’re not ruining it for her,” she warns both of us after removing her hands from both our chests, gently allowing the space to grow between us. “I mean it. Both of you calm down. Now!” She pushes past both of us and takes a hold of Taylor, who seems a little upset by our outburst.
I see the little birthday girl being cradled by TJ, scared and what looks to be on the verge of tears. She’s fisting his shirt as he holds her in his arms. I immediately feel terrible for scaring her. It wasn’t my intention to do that. I was just so caught up in the fight with Ted, I forgot who was watching.
Carter lifts her niece out of TJ’s grasp and takes her down to Chris, who sets down his food when he sees her making her way over with his child. He takes his daughter into his hands but she wiggles her arms out for her aunt again. She wants Carter to hold her, and I couldn’t help but smile a little. Chris kisses her head to stop her from crying as I see Carter walking back over to us, sorry, storming back over to us. I straighten up for what she will say to both of us but get a surprise when it wasn’t me she wanted a word with.
She grabs Ted’s arm and yanks him into the house, where they can have some privacy—privacy that makes me jealous. God knows what they’re doing in there, I just hope not each other.
