Page 216 of The Perfect Spiral
I can’t let any one of them hurt, they have families of their own, people who love them in their lives.
“Whatever,” I mumble. Why does all the bad stuff happen at once?
When you feel it getting better, karma is there to remind you of that one bad deed you did on the spur of the moment, and a disaster crash lands in the middle of your house.
Immersed in the world of you. I meander towards the sliding door, my gaze fixed on the vacationers outside, their laughter echoing in my ears. My arms are crossed over my chest, aprotective barrier against the world. I rest my forehead against the cool glass, releasing a shaky breath.
Tears well up in my eyes, spilling over and tracing hot trails down my cheeks. I let myself cry silently against the window, the cool glass a soothing balm against my heated skin. Suddenly, I halt my tears, drawing in a deep breath to quell the storm of emotions that have been dormant all week.
Turning to face my family, I say, “When he finds me—and I know he will—I want to be cremated. Scatter my ashes at the lighthouse, into the sea. Hang my boards on the wall of my room, above my bed... I need some air.”
I slide the door open, the silence behind me a stark contrast to the cacophony outside. I step onto the deck, making my way towards the steps leading to the beach.
Chapter 75
The paparazzi swarm around me, their cameras flashing in my face. I shield my eyes and continue my trek towards the sea. Some Fourth of July, I think to myself. I wade into the water until it reaches my chest, letting the waves crash against me. I stand there, taking it all in.
Why can’t I have a different life? This is so hard. I start to cry again, my tears mingling with the salty sea. I tilt my head back, letting my silent sobs disappear into the water surrounding me.
I glance back at the beach, the camera flashes illuminating the night. I see Lauren walking up to the deck of my house.
I retreat from the water, settling down on the sand as the waves lap at my feet. I hear a sigh from my brother, Kyle. He settles down next to me, and together we watch the sun dip lower in the sky.
I hear him sniffle a few times and turn to see tears streaming down his face. I wrap my arms around my older brother, hugging him tightly. “Why are you crying?” I ask him softly.
He doesn’t answer, his sobs only growing louder. I pull him closer, my heart aching at the sight of his tears.
I repeat my question, and he finally lifts his head to face me. His eyes are bloodshot from rubbing them so hard.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’ll do everything I can to protect you, Alex. I—I can’t bear the thought of you not being here with me, with us... What happened? You don’t smile anymore. You’re not happy. Where’s my sister gone? You’re a different person now...” His words are punctuated by sniffles.
I swallow the lump in my throat and lean my head against his shoulder, my tears soaking his shirt.
“It’s too hard, Kyle. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. You all have a girlfriend, a wife, a fiancé who loves you. You guys have someone to love you. I don’t want him to destroy any chance of ruining a current and future family for any of you—”
“I love you, Max, Cole, Sam, Mom, and Eric love you—”
“It’s not the same, Kyle. I don’t have someone to look at me the way Andy looks at you, and you look at her... And I’ve accepted that. We can’t have everything in life. But I do love you guys, you’re my family. I will always love you guys. Whatever happens, happens. It’s out of my control. He’s out, and with people takingpictures of me all the time, he’ll know where I am. I’m just being realistic—”
“Stop thinking like that, please, Alex. One of us will always be with you—”
“What happens when I go back to college? Huh? You guys can’t follow me around everywhere I go.”
“I was thinking of moving out to Cali for a few years anyway, so I’ll be there to protect you. Plus, you’ve got Wes—”
“No, Kyle, I’m not bringing Wes into this. Please, I don’t need his life to be threatened either—”
“Alex, what did he do to you? You’re not the same... I miss my baby sis. You don’t smile anymore. Today was the first time you showed any emotion in a week...”
“Nothing...” He sighs once more, his tears finally subsiding. I hold him close, my arms wrapped tightly around him.
“Talk to me, sis,” he whispers, his breath warm against my face. He plants a light kiss on my cheek, and I feel the walls I’ve built up starting to crumble. I break down, my sobs muffled by my hands, my shoulders shaking with the force of my tears.
Kyle stands up, pulling me to my feet and lifting me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist, burying my face in his shoulder as I continue to cry. His hand supports me while the other cradles my head. He carries me back to the house, where everyone is still gathered in the kitchen.
The room is eerily quiet, my sobs the only sound breaking the silence.
“I’m going to take her upstairs,” Kyle’s voice breaks, choked with tears. I keep my face buried in his shoulder, not wanting to meet anyone’s gaze.
