Page 240 of The Perfect Spiral
“I trust our little sister, Kyle. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt. She hasn’t told us what actually happened. We’re all jumping to conclusions,” Cole says calmly.
Too calmly, if you ask me. Kyle paces to the window and stares out of it. His back is facing me and his hands are gripping his hips while I stare at Cole. He’s always been the logical brother.
Kyle has always been the hothead. Max has always been the quiet one.
“I get that you’re struggling, Alex, but to go home with a guy and have sex with him is not going to sit well with me. Ever!” Kyle says after a moment of staring out at the dull grey clouds, reflecting the fight that is about to erupt between us. I’ve had enough.
I’ve had enough of him being so overprotective of me, wrapping me up in bubble wrap and locking me away in a room. He doesn’t know anything about struggles.
“Struggling? Struggling?” I echo back at him, my voice laced with anger.
“Alex, calm down,” Cole interjects, extending his hand in an attempt to quell my rising fury. “No, Cole! You don’t fucking understand what I’ve been through! None of you do—”
Kyle whips his head around to face me, his eyes wide with surprise. I march up to him, my voice rising with each word.
“You try having a fucking gun to your head and see how easy life is! And to have that same person stab you. I’m not just struggling, I’m terrified! Terrified of myself, my thoughts. Last night, for a few hours, I felt like I escaped that fear. Do you hear me waking up every morning screaming? No, you don’t. Do you see the lack of sleep I get? No, you don’t. Do you see the pure fear on my face when I wake up? No, you don’t. I’m afraid to sleep, and I’m afraid to stay awake.
“I’m struggling to distinguish between a dream and reality. And for you to stand there and slut-shame me because I came home from a guy’s house without knowing the story? That’s not sitting well with me.
“We didn’t do anything! We didn’t ‘fuck’ as you so crudely put it. We only made out... So fuck you! Fuck all of you hypocrites!” The look of pure shock on their faces is almost satisfying.
I won this battle. I wiped the floor with each and every one of them.
“Come back to me when you know what it feels like to be terrified of your own mind,” I finish, leaving the silent room behind. In the kitchen, I’m alone.
My head is still fragile and I need to hydrate. I reach into the refrigerator, grab a cold water bottle, and drink half of it before a brain freeze sets in.
Shit! I hate brain freezes. I decide to text matt.
Chapter 86
Alex
I’m alive you’ll be happy to know
Matt
Hallelujah! Glad to finally have your number :)
Alex
I think I scared them... :)
Matt
Yeah, you give off the don’t fuck with me vibe. That’s why I’m so nice to you :)
Alex
Yeah, I get that a lot! Anywho I’m going for a swim. I’ll text you later xx
As I leave the kitchen, people start to trickle out of the living room. I change into a swimsuit and spray lotion on my body. It’s time for me and the ocean to have a little one-on-one time.
I glance out the window to see rain falling from dark grey clouds. It won’t stop me. As a kid, I used to run outside and race around with my brothers in the rain.
I’m going to go swimming in the rain. I always loved doing that, whether it was in a pool or the sea.
As I step back into the hallway and close my door, I’m suddenly pulled into a room, a hard chest against my back. Arms wrap around mine, restricting my movements.
