Page 17 of The Perfect Spiral
He would join me up here, and we’d talk about everything from sports to science, sharing laughter and stories. He was always proud of my achievements, especially the academic ones. He was my protector, shielding me from my father and, at times, from myself.
I missed his scent, his smile, his terrible jokes that somehow still made me laugh, the comforting weight of his hand on my head, the warmth of his embrace.
But most of all, I missed the way he loved. He loved my grandma with a depth and sincerity that made me envious. I hadn’t experienced that kind of love, not with Drew.
I doubted I ever would. It seemed like guys were too busy chasing after the girls with the shortest skirts, the biggest boobs, and the most artificial smiles.
I remembered the way my grandad would look at my grandma when she wasn’t looking. His face would light up with pure adoration. The laugh lines around his eyes and mouth were a testament to their shared joy.
You could see it in his eyes every time they met hers. He loved her with all his heart. I yearned for someone to look at me like that. Was it so wrong to want that?
It was in moments like these that I despised being alone with my thoughts. I wished he was here, sharing his wisdom, comfortingme, making me laugh. This house was a repository of these memories. That’s why I hadn’t returned since his passing, why I’d refused to come back. But now, sitting here alone, I realized I’d never get to share those moments with him again. He was gone.
He’d never climb those stairs again. He’d never burst through the doors. He’d never sit on the couch with his arm around me. He’d never surprise me at the front door.
I’d never hear his heavy footsteps on the wooden floor in the hallway. I’d never hear his infectious laugh echoing off the walls. I’d never hold his rough hands. I’d never see his eyes.
I’d never hear his voice, ever again.
I hadn’t returned home for Thanksgiving because I knew he wouldn’t be here. It was too much for me, and my family understood. I’d bury myself in my college work instead.
I just couldn’t face coming back here so soon. Despite all the things I’d learned and read over the years, I’d never learned how to deal with death. That was the one thing I couldn’t grasp.
When someone’s gone, you miss the simple things about them, the things you didn’t even realize you cherished when they were still around. Their quirks, the things that made them unique, the things that made you fall in love with them. Even the things you didn’t like about them, but accepted anyway.
The buzz of my phone in my pocket jolted me out of my reverie. If it hadn’t, I would have been crying alone in my room, given a few more minutes with my thoughts.
Glancing down, I saw Wes was FaceTiming me. Crap! I’d forgotten to call him when I woke up this morning! I quickly answered before it stopped ringing.
“There she is!” he beamed through the phone.
“Hey, Wes! I’m so sorry I forgot to call you. It completely slipped my mind. I was running around helping my mom with the food and stuff. I’m sorry!” I apologized.
He laughed, “Hey, it’s alright. Just checking in on you. I forgive you. How is everyone?”
“Is that Wes? Wes!?!?!” Knox poked his head into my room, racing in and jumping on my bed to grab my phone from my hand.
“Hey man! What’s up? How’s the family? Aren’t you supposed to be training?” Wes asked.
“Hey bro! They’re good, my mom keeps asking about you! We have the week off this week, so
I’m taking full advantage of it.
I have to meet with my agent next week here so I’ll be staying back a while longer when everyone has left, so I get some me time.
Maybe I might get some privacy if you know what I mean,” he wiggled his eyebrows at Wes as if I wasn’t sitting right next to him.
“Eh ew! You know I’m right here!” I scrunched my face up at him.
While he grinned at me, “You never know, baby doll, you might be the lucky lady.” I rolled my eyes at him while Wes snorted out a laugh.
“Yeah, Knox, that’ll never happen! You’d have better luck getting Brett into your bed quicker than Alex!” he smirked, shaking his head.
“We’ll see,” he smugly said to both of us.
I quickly reclaimed my phone from Knox, eager to continue my conversation with Wes. “As I was saying before I was so rudelyinterrupted, I’m doing well. Thanks for checking in. My mom can’t stop singing your praises!”
“Yeah, Saint Wes,” Knox muttered under his breath. I caught his comment, but Wes didn’t.
