Page 15 of All I Want Is Love
“Aspen told me you were always super smart,” Robin says, looking at me as if he hopes I will tell him more. But I just can’t. Whenever I try to say something, my throat seems to close up. “Do you think Aspen will want to help decorating?” he asks suddenly, fortunately shifting the topic.
“No,” I say. “I mean, I guess he would help if we asked him…”
“Yeah, but it’s never been his thing,” Robin agrees. “But you will help me?”
I look at him, and into his open and trustful eyes. I don’t have the heart to turn him down. This is for Aspen, too. “I will try to.”
six
*LEO*
Imight have shouldered more than I can carry. As long as Robin and I are just eating and planning, everything is going well, but the moment we step into the first shop – one just for wrapping papers – my heart starts beating faster, and not in a good way.
I don’t know why. I have never worked with paper before. It’sdifferent. Decorating and decoration in itself is not… It’s not drawing or painting, or designing.
Come on, Leo, it’s different.
But the moment I see the vision in front of my eyes, how I want the coffee shop to look, the library, how I want to designthe place, it’s like a switch that’s turned in my mind. And I panic.
Robin is shuffling around the shop, not noticing how stressed I am.
What am I going to do?
The breathing exercise Soren did with me helped. I could try it again. But steadying my breath and forcing it to follow the method Soren showed me proves to be difficult with him not around. Aspen can guide me well, too, but I can’t just call him. He is busy.
They are both busy.
Fuck.
My fingers wrap tighter around my phone. I can’t have a panic attack here, I just can’t! Unlocking my phone, I open my messages. Soren was the last one who wrote to me.
What’s more embarrassing? Write and ask him for help, or break down right here?
Break down here!
My God, I don’t want to sound like a needy, helpless brat, but I need something comforting, something grounding.
Can you send me a picture of the horses?
I stare at my phone, hoping to see the writing symbol pop up, but nothing happens. Maybe Soren is busy. I shouldn’t bother him. Instead, I could try to call Aspen, although he said he was out the whole afternoon, doing his taxes and meeting with his tax consultant
While I am still pondering what to do, a message arrives. It’s a selfie with Soren, handsome and well-put together as I’ve gotten to know him, while a beautiful brown horse chews on his jacket.
Isn’t he handsome?
I am inclined to make a silly joke about how he is the handsome one, but I don’t. That would be seriously overstepping it.
He is,I write instead.Thank you!
Are you okay?
I am now.
Okay. I take a deep breath. This is simple. It’s not art-related. It’s just decorating a library and coffee shop. “Robin?”
Robin startles and turns to look at me. “Yes?”
“We should get some glittering and holographic wrapping paper,” I say. “In Christmas colors. How about red and gold for this year? Oh, and we definitely need LED candles to hang over the shelves. And I want to build a Christmas tree out of books – I need some additional ornaments for it. Then we need decorations for the tables at the coffee shop, and I want to do something for the display as well.”
