Page 76 of All I Want Is Love
“Soren?”
I look at my boyfriend, trying to stop my thoughts from running wild. I am normally not that anxious. What’s going on with my brain? “Yes?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Of course. Why are you asking?”
“Because I asked you if you want to grab something to eat with me,” Leo says. “And you haven’t answered. Something is worrying you, isn’t it?”
“I don’t want to be in your way,” I say, before I can truly grasp the meanings of my words.
“In my way?” Leo blinks. “What are you talking about?”
“You are really good at your work. A natural talent.”
Leo tilts his head. “Thank you, but I still don’t get it.”
“Listen,” I take his hands into mine. “This is important to you, and I will never stop you from doing something you want to do. With your job back, you have so many opportunities.”
“Are you talking about my job with Michael?”
“I don’t want to hinder you in your progress,” I say, my chest clenching painfully. “If you move back to…” My voice trails off. It’s pathetic, I know, but I can’t even finish the sentence. “I am not going to hold you back,” I add.
I’d rather let him go than be in his way.
Leo lets go of my hands. “That’s good to know,” he says, his expression unreadable.
I try to reach out to take his hand again, but Leo takes a step back. Oh fuck. I don’t know how and why, but I fumbled. Before I can say anything, Aspen calls out to us.
“Hey, guys, are you coming?” he calls from one of the stands. “Leo, they have chocolate-covered chestnuts here. You used to love them. Should I buy some?”
“Yes,” Leo calls back. “But I want to see for myself first.”
twenty-seven
*SOREN*
Ikeep pacing around my place for what feels like hours. Eventually, I try to lie down in my bed and sleep, but I just can’t force my mind to switch off and let me rest.
What the fuck am I even doing here?
We spent the whole evening together as a group, which was the plan along, but on the downside, it didn’t give me the chance to talk to Leo again. I know I messed up somehow, I am just not so sure where exactly. I keep replaying our conversation over and over again, stumbling over my own words whenever I do.
Maybe Leo thought I wanted to break up with him. That’s not been my attention at all.
I am not used to being all over in my head like that. It’s like there is a movie playing in my mind over and over again, and that movie sucks.
I grab my phone, staring at it, as if it will give me the answers I need. Obviously, I don’t want to break up with Leo, but my words may have sounded like I did want to. I should call or write him, but it’s late, and he is probably asleep.
Not to mention that I sent him a message when I came home, which he hasn’t replied to yet.
Right after the fair, Leo decided to take Barkley and accompany Aspen to his place and pick up some stuff. Each year, Aspen makes some wintery flavored jam with apples and cinnamon. He is a very family-oriented person, and surprisingly domestic. Another reason why he was so happy to have Leo around him now.
When I offered to help them, Leo rebuffed it. He did so with a polite smile, but it was obvious he wanted to be on his own.
And I kinda get it. I was completely weird to put it lightly when I talked to him. He either thinks I don’t want to be with him anymore or that I… I don’t even know.
“Oh fuck,” I groan, getting out of my bed again and padding into the living room. There I am met with the litter of kittens, and a couple of big innocent eyes looking at me. Only two of them are asleep, while the others clumsily pad around. “You can’t sleep either?” I mutter, picking one of them up.
