Page 77 of Ruthless Alpha Beast
I walk to the door and then down the stairs, cringing at how I sound.
Could I have been any less smooth? Like, it doesn’thaveto be awkward.
I just need some space. I think that’s very normal after what happened.
“Okay,” I hear him say from upstairs.
There’s part of me that wants to run up and tell him I’ve changed my mind, but there’s another part of me that insists on getting away.
That part wins.
***
Over the next few days, I spend more and more time alone.
And just because I’m doing that doesn’t mean that I’m enjoying it.
It’s not nice to be alone with my thoughts that are as conflicting as heaven and hell. It’s not nice to have to follow Jasper’s schedule, so I can time when not to be in the house.
But it’s because of my conflicting thoughts that I have to do it.
Yes, I want him. Oh my God, I want him.
The way he made love to me was insane, even better than I remembered, and we connected there for a moment, however long it was—I don’t recall.
But it wasreal.
Realer than anything I’ve ever experienced.
But then again, it’s Jasper. The guy who humiliated me, rejected me, and has all around treated me like crap more times than I can count.
He’s the arrogant, selfish, prejudiced Alpha, and yet, I find myself yearning for him all throughout the day.
I’m secretly disappointed that he’s relegated himself to the couch.
I appreciate the space he’s given me, and yet I want him to sneak into the bed and hold me through the night.
This morning, I’ve decided to head over to Sawyer’s pack to hang out with Lacey.
It kills me not being able to tell her the truth about me and Jasper, but maybe I can communicate some things under the guise of us being in a real relationship.
Although aren’t we sort of in one of those now?
Ugh, I don’t know.
It’s so complicated, I can’t even begin to understand my own mind, let alone what I actually want.
It’s a sunny day, though, and I’m feeling a little cheerier than I have been the past few days.
I don’t know why, for some reason, and this never usually happens, but I have hope.
I readjust my satchel and walk with purpose. The sky clouds over a little, and I decide to pull my shades up to the top of my head.
I prefer seeing the world first-hand anyway.
Just as I’m about to step over the border, I notice some packmates headed in my direction.
They’re ones I don’t recognize, three guys and two girls.
