Page 68 of Puck Me Thrice
"I've been in therapy since my parents died," Blake added quietly. "Grief counseling, then regular sessions to work through abandonment issues and attachment trauma. My therapist is the reason I can actually maintain relationships instead of sabotaging them before people can leave."
Nolan cleared his throat. "I started seeing someone after the confrontation with my father. Been doing sessions about managing expectations and defining my own success outside of his vision. It's been... helpful."
I looked at three successful, strong men admitting to therapy and medication and professional help without shame.
"You all just... deal with this stuff?" I asked.
"Everyone deals with stuff," Logan said. "Some people just pretend they don't. But pretending doesn't make it go away—it just makes it worse."
"Will you consider seeing someone?" Nolan asked gently. "Not because we think you're broken, but because you're clearly struggling and you deserve support."
I thought about it. About years of suppressed trauma from skating, from Sam's manipulation, from losing my Olympic dreams. About current stress from impossible futures and loving three people who might be scattered across the country.
"Okay," I whispered. "I'll see someone."
My therapist's name was Dr. Winchester, and she specialized in athlete mental health, which meant she understood things other therapists might not—the pressure of elite competition, the way sports could become identity, the trauma of career-ending injuries or betrayals.
Over the next two weeks, I processed a lot of suppressed pain. The way Sam had used me. How skating had stolen my childhood. The impossibility of living up to my parents' sacrifices. The terror of loving three people and potentially losing all of them to geography.
"Your attraction to all three men isn't broken," Dr. Winchester said during our fourth session. "It actually makes sense given your psychological profile. Nolan's drive matches your ambition, giving you intellectual stimulation and challenge. Logan's vulnerability allows you to express your own without shame. Blake's steadiness grounds your intensity and makes you feel safe. They each fulfill different aspects of your personality."
"But society says—"
"Society says a lot of things," she interrupted. "Most of them based on traditions designed centuries ago for property transfer and inheritance law. Your relationship works for you. The four of you communicate, set boundaries, support each other's growth. That's healthier than most monogamous relationships I see."
"But what about when they're drafted to different teams? How do we maintain this?"
"That's a practical question with logistical challenges. But here's a better question: what if instead of trying to control an uncertain future, you fully experience and appreciate the present you have?"
I stared at her. "Just... enjoy now?"
"Radical concept, I know. But you've spent your whole life sacrificing the present for future goals. What if you trusted that if this connection is real and strong, you'll find your way back to each other?"
The idea was terrifying and liberating in equal measure.
That evening, I called a house meeting. The three men gathered in the living room, looking various shades of concerned about what I might say.
"I have a proposal," I started.
"We're listening," Nolan said.
"Instead of trying to solve an impossible logistical problem, what if we just... don't?"
Logan blinked. "What?"
"What if we stop trying to plan for every contingency and just enjoy what we have right now? We have a week before the draft. A week where we're all together, no distance, no complications. What if we make the most of that time and trust that if this is meant to work, we'll figure it out later?"
"That's not very structured," Logan said, which made me smile.
"I know. It's terrifying for me too. But I've been trying to control everything and it's literally making me sick. So maybe the answer is to let go of control and just... be present."
"And after the draft?" Blake asked. "When we're potentially scattered across the country?"
"Then we communicate. We visit when we can. We make it work however we can. But we don't sacrifice the present worrying about a future we can't predict."
Nolan was quiet for a long moment. Then he nodded. "I like it. It goes against every planning instinct I have, but I like it."
"Same," Logan admitted. "My anxiety hates this plan, but my heart loves it."
