Page 78 of Her Big Bad Wolf
“Define encourage.”
She stared at me for a moment and then smiled.
“You little hussy.”
“I thought we were good, that everything was going to work out. Clearly, we weren’t on the same page and I made a mistake.”
Saying those words out loud caused a physical ache in my chest. It hadn’t been a mistake. I’d wanted it as much as he had. It had been magical and no matter how this all turned out, I couldn’t call that night a mistake.
“So am I supposed to be team Isaac or not? That choice is really up to you.”
Isaac
Chapter 20
Day four without my mate. It was enough to make a sane man crazy and no one would accuse me of being sane.
My wolf was on edge, and I was irritable. I’d even yelled at Gertrude this morning for backtalking me.
The first morning after I’d successfully managed to run her off had been hard, but I’d been righteously pissed. She hadn’t even shown up to get the boys even though that had been our deal from the start. She knew how I felt about going into town. I’d even called Kyle to inquire about homeschooling them. The last thing I wanted was to risk running into anyone in town, especially her.
He refused my request and ordered me to get them to school on time. At least that was early enough not to encounter anyone. After protest he conceded to personally pick them up and drive them home in the evening.
I’d been late getting them there that first day stupidly waiting to see if Vanessa showed up for them. Being mad at me was one thing, but she didn’t need to take it out on the boys. They all knew something was wrong, but they didn’t ask right away.
When she didn’t come by that night, the questions began. How the hell was I supposed to know what to say to them?
I managed to mutter some sort of bullshit excuse. Mostly I was just angry she put me in that position. I’d only taken the rodents in to please her, now I was stuck with them. They ate all my food and disrupted my schedule. I didn’t have to put up with it.
“Is she coming back?” Mason asked, vocalizing my biggest fear.
“I don’t know.” That was the only thing I could honestly tell them.
By day two, I must have been more irritable than I thought. I’d barked at them over a few things. I wasn’t sleeping well, even for me. I was exhausted and angry. Her rejection felt like the ultimate betrayal, and I wasn’t coping well.
Archie had called to ask me a question and I’d nearly bit his head off in the process. I wasn’t fit to be around humanity.
The boys did the best they could to help but also stayed out of my way. They ate and went to the basement without their showers. I almost lost it, but checked myself. Who cared if they went one night without baths. That wouldn’t be enough to dub them the stinky kids.
I felt terrible for them. They didn’t deserve this. Maybe they hadn’t been with me for that long, and Vanessa had only been in our lives a short time, but none of that mattered. She’d already established a routine and it felt like we were creating a life together with the pigs in the basement even.
It wasn’t all in my imagination. The boys seemed to feel her loss just as profoundly as I did. Somehow, she had swooped in and become this stable figure for all of us. We were lost without her.
I spent most of the night pacing circles around the house. It made me feel like a caged animal.
Major moments in my life had occurred, rendering me without control. I hated that more than anything. It was a big reason why I’d retreated to begin with. It wasn’t just hiding from the world or being ridiculous, I was protecting myself from the pain and cruelty of the world. Why couldn’t Vanessa understand that?
Because you didn’t share it with her.
I knew there were things I should have explained better. I hadn’t done that though. The bitch of it all was that I hadn’t fully shared my past out of fear of letting her get too close. I was worried that if I did, she would destroy me.
Guess the joke was on me, because trying to protect myself had done nothing but push her away.
Couldn’t she see that I wasn’t fit for civilization? I needed my space and my privacy. Kyle had understood that, so why couldn’t she?
It hurt so much knowing she would rather not be with me. It was a physical kind of pain, stronger than I remembered when I lost my parents, then my grandmother, and finally Freddy.
Everyone I’d ever cared about had left me. Why should she be any different?
