Page 40 of A Most Unsuitable Lover
George tilted his head to gaze down into his wife’s indigo eyes. He kissed her deeply and then said, “You always manage to find a way to prove to me that there will always be another pinnacle of happiness, just when I’d thought I’d achieved the greatest possible. I naively believed I’d lived a fulfilling life before my injury, but it is nothing compared to what you have given me. You warm me every day with your presence. And now, you are giving me the greatest gift of all—being the most wonderful mother to my child.”
They fell asleep in one another’s arms, neither willing to be the first to relinquish the comfort of their hold.
∞∞∞
Juliette returned to her rooms to find them cold and empty. She hadn’t exactly expected to find Ian waiting there, but a small part of her had hoped. The rational part of her knew it was for the best, given the current circumstances, but that didn’t stop the ache in her chest when she found herself alone with hints of him around her.
The sheets were still hopelessly crumpled and they held the scent of their skin and all that had transpired. His coat lay discarded haphazardly on the edge of her desk. But Ian was nowhere to be found. Against her better judgment, she gathered his coat and traversed the darkened hallways by memory alone, not willing to risk a candle with guests and servants still awake and about, until she reached Ian’s door.
She debated for a moment whether to knock but decided against it and was pleased to discover it was not locked. She found him shirtless, scrubbing his tools in a steaming basin delivered from the kitchens. So focused on his task was he that he did not immediately register her intrusion. Her eyes drank their fill of the elongated planes of his broad body, the golden light playing across his flesh as the muscles flexed beneath the skin. They had bunched in such a pleasing way as he’d risen above her—God, was it only an hour before? She pressed her fingertips to her temple and the small movement gave her away. His deep blue eyes found hers and he froze. Her pulse began to thrum with awareness, her body oblivious to the fact that this was one of the least opportune moments. They’d been caught in an illicit embrace and Ian had just been forced to examine and treat one of his oldest and dearest friends. The man had to be exhausted, or, at the very least, his mind was as messy and disjointed as hers.
“Lord Sommerfeld was blindingly grateful you were here to help the viscountess in her time of need. I admit I am as well.” She twisted her fingers beneath the drape of his coat, still trembling from the myriad emotions roiling inside of her stomach. “I am—”
“Sommerfeld saw us,” Ian cut her off gruffly. “There is no possibility of spinning this in any way that might be satisfactory.” She watched in silence as he used quick, efficient movements to dry his tools and store them. He threw a clean linen shirt over his head and faced her directly. “I plan to leave in the morning…after I speak to your brother and explain the situation.”
“No!” Juliette was nearly choked by her instantaneous panic. To her surprise, it was triggered less by the thought of infuriating her brother than it was by the realization that there would be no possibility of her seeing Ian again. Ever. “Lord Sommerfeld pulled me aside and offered us time. There is no need to make hasty decisions. We have time to—to figure this out—to spin this so it isn’t as—”
“Damning? Damaging? How the hell are we supposed to put in a positive light the fact that I’ve defiled you?” Juliette nearly cringed when he put it so crassly, but she stopped herself. “It is finished, Juliette. Everything is over. You and I both know it will be far worse if your brother does not hear the truth from us first, so we may as well be done with it.” He sighed and his eyes became unfocused on a spot over her shoulder. Ian knew his practice would be ruined. He’d be forced to retreat to Scotland to try to gain some footing there and salvage what little reputation he might retain. No doubt Juliette would be married off to the first lord willing to accept damaged goods for a large enough settlement and, if it came to pass, raise any child as his own. The thought nearly made Ian sick right then and there. He hadn’t taken any precautions and he damned himself to hell for it.
In being foolish enough to follow Juliette’s childish game, they would both now lose everything. Juliette would be forced to relinquish any modicum of freedom she’d managed to wrest from her brother who, in turn, would never trust her again. Ian would lose all he’d worked for and everything his mother had sacrificed would be for naught.
He could read in the shimmering blue of Juliette’s eyes how she was struggling against it, but she knew he was right…and it made Ian’s soul whither a little more in his breast.
“You don’t know Ethan,” she said shakily, clutching his coat hands in her hands with a white-knuckled fierceness. “He would never lay a hand uponme, but he can have a volatile temper. As even-keeled as he seems, it hides the potential for explosive anger.” Ian had heard whispers of the earl’s volatility, but it felt more dangerous from Juliette’s lips. No one knew him better in the world. “There is no telling what he might do if he discovers someone—you, no less—had defiled his precious sister.” Juliette had somehow crossed the space between them without him noticing and reached out to place a hand on his arm. “Please, let us find some other way to approach this together. There has to be—” She stopped when he took a large step back and out of her reach.
Her sudden stricken expression nearly undid him, but Ian remained as cool as he could manage when he said, “You must leave before anyone else finds us alone together. This ruse has gone on long enough; it is past time for us to part ways as adults and move on. I should have listened to my conscience and avoided this situation like a plague.” Though he was the one to say the words, Ian was having a difficult time believing them.
And he knew he would never forget Juliette and the sight of her tear-filled eyes as she turned to leave. It would haunt him to his grave.
God help him.
He’d forever ache for the feel of her in his arms, the scent of her upon his skin, the taste of her, the sound of her melodic voice as she challenged him… Though the last thing he wished to do was admit it to himself, he knew he was going to be leaving an integral part of his heart behind when he left the estate.
The rest of the sleepless night was spent telling himself over and over that Juliette would be fine. She possessed a young, resilient heart. She’d pick herself up, marry a peer, bear his children, and take her rightful place as a respected lady. While he…he wanted nothing more than to crawl into a craggy Highland cave in shame.
Shame for allowing his heart to win over reason and destroy everything he’d fought to accomplish.
Chapter Seventeen
The next morning dawned eerily gray as if Mother Nature had cast a pall upon the house party. Gone was the beautiful weather of the prior days; instead, the clouds hung low and heavy, promising rain. Those guests interested in grouse and hare were off hunting. Ian caught wind that polite excuses had been made for Lord and Lady Sommerfeld and there were whispers that the party might be cut short.
Unable to sleep the night before, Ian had lain awake until he was finally claimed by the arms of a restless unconsciousness, held there until after the hunting and shooting parties had already left for the fields, the earl among them.
He was unsure if it was to his benefit that he now had to wait to speak to the earl until after the hunt was finished. Either the younger man’s bloodlust would have been slaked, or his appetite might only have been whetted.
As Ian sipped tea in the breakfast room, his solitary state affording him the freedom to stand at the tall windows to watch the clouds roll in over the hills, he caught a glimpse of deep pink skirts out of the corner of his eye. He recognized Juliette’s gait and scent anywhere.
Torn between wanting desperately to speak to her and knowing full well he was better off silent, the decision was made for him when Juliette refused to look him in the eye, let alone acknowledge his presence. It was probably for the best, though that did not stop him from watching her and noting the shadows blemishing the delicate skin beneath her puffy eyes. She appeared as miserable as he felt inside and it ate away at Ian’s soul like acid.
He watched from his position by the window as she claimed a chair and proceeded to push her food across her plate, not taking a single bite. After several minutes of this, Ian claimed a seat down the table and across from her, giving her space even though it killed him.
Ian signaled for more tea and the footman ducked from the room to collect a fresh pot. No sooner had the door swung shut than Juliette whispered, “I’ve fallen in love with you.” Ian nearly dropped his fork. His eyes flew to her, but she had not looked up. He might have believed himself mistaken had she not continued to speak. “I know you told me not to, but I couldn’t help it when you’re so bloody wonderful—when you give me your childhood books, tease me in foreign tongues, and your greatest aspirations are purely selfless. You want nothing more than to bring better medical care to the far-flung corners of the kingdom so no other families will suffer what you have. How could I not fall in love with you, Ian?” Her shoulders heaved with a shaky sigh. “Of course, it is against my better judgment and I’ve lain awake trying to decide whether or not to say something. But there you have it. The truth is in the open now. You may believe me to be nothing more than a silly girl with fantastical dreams, but I assure you this is no infatuation built upon a few flirtatious glances.” She finally met his eyes and what he saw there struck him like a physical blow. She placed her hand to her chest when she spoke again. “I know what is in my heart, and it aches for the brilliant, wonderful man you are.”
The pain Ian experienced in his heart was so great that he was forced to close his eyes as her words reverberated through him.
Even sitting this near to her was like a balm to his spirit, hearing those words from her lips was like nothing he’d ever experienced, and he was terrified to admit just how much he savored them. Ian knew deep down, however, that Juliette did not fully realize the implications of what she was saying, of what a life with him would entail, of what she would have to give up if she really did choose him.
Ian took a deep, bracing breath. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, however, the silence was shattered by the barking and baying of hounds outside the window as if they were heralding the arrival of Doomsday.
