Page 46 of A Brambleberry Manor Christmas
‘But you weren’t alone! You’re out all the time. You’ve gottons of friends, ready to listen to you and sympathise and see you through thebad times. Which is a lot more thanIhave, and yetIhaven’tresorted to booze as some kind of a crutch!’
I’m probably coming across as pious – but I’m so crushed byFlo’s deception, I really don’t care what I sound like.
Then Flo looks me straight in the eye and says, ‘Jenny, Ihaveno friends.’
‘What?’ I stare at her, bemused. ‘Of course you have. Allthe people you meet for drinks in the pub? That day we met, you had wine inyour basket because you’d invited friends round that night.’
She shakes her head. ‘That was another lie.’
‘What?’ I can hardly believe all this. ‘So what aboutCarole, your old friend from college? Please don’t tell me she was a lie aswell?’
She heaves a heavy sigh. ‘I made her up. Carole doesn’texist.’
‘Butwhy, for goodness’ sake?’
‘Why?’ She stares at me, her face crumpling, tears prickingher eyes. ‘Because I was terrified you’d see me as I truly am: just a lonelyold drunk. I’m so ashamed of the fact that every night, when I get home, thefirst thing I do is go to the fridge or the wine rack and open another bottle.I sit in front of the TV and drink, glass after glass, passing the time until Ican justify crawling up to bed and passing out. And even knowing I’m going tofeel like hell in the morning doesn’t seem to help. It’s like I have this needto escape from my life – and alcohol is the only way I can do it.’
I listen to all this in mounting horror.
I can’t help feeling for Flo in her torment. But what cutsreally deeply is that practically everything she’s told me – right from thatfirst meeting in the corner shop – has been untrue. I took her on in goodfaith, not even insisting on references. What a fool I am!
‘Have you been drinking on the job at Marjery’s?’ I askcoldly.
‘No! Never! And I wouldn’t. I’d never want to mess things upfor you. Honestly, Jenny, you have to believe me!’
I give a bitter laugh. ‘And why would I do that? When prettymuch everything you’ve told me up till now has been a lie?’
She opens her mouth to protest, but my angry look silencesher.
She closes her eyes briefly, her face chalk white. ‘I’m sosorry, Jenny. I should never have lied. But I really wanted the job. Not justbecause I needed employment. But because I really likedyou. I liedabout my life because I didn’t want you to think I was this sad person who’ssuch a mess she goes home and drinks every night in order to get through. Thetruth is, I hate myself. I’m so ashamed but I can’t seem to dig myself out ofthe hole I’ve slid into. I hate the fact that I’ve let you down and if therewas anything I could do to make things right, I’d do it straight away…’ Sheswallows, trailing off. ‘But I can see from your face that you don’t want myapologies, and I honestly don’t blame you…I’ll go, shall I?’
She looks so genuinely upset and contrite, I can feel myselfweakening.
But how could I trust her?
So I harden myself to the tears in her eyes and say coldly,‘I think you’d better.’
She nods wearily and turns.
‘Flo?’
She looks round, her face lit with sudden hope. And just fora second, I think,maybe I could…?
But then I recall all the bare-faced lies and my heart sinkslike a stone in a pond. Trust was always going to be an issue for me afterHarvey’s deception was laid bare. How is this with Flo any different?
‘I’ll manage myself from now on,’ I murmur, turning my backon her so she can’t see the tears in my own eyes…
CHAPTER TWENTY
Menu – Day 5
Lunch American-style
Sticky-baked chicken wings with barbecue sauce
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Pulled pork with cornbread topping
