Page 29 of Chocolate Cake for Breakfast
‘Yes, but if you’d bothered to stop me climbing over thewall in the first place, it would never have happened, would it?’
I’m too stunned to speak for a moment.
‘You just didn’t think, did you?’ she rages on. ‘All youwere bothered about really was winning that stupid writing competition. I mean,so what? This wedding was mywhole future. But your selfishness wrecked everything.’
I almost laugh, it’s so preposterous that she should beblaming me for what happened. I manage to find my voice. ‘Lila...you were over that wall before I could stop you. You were so drunk anddetermined to go for a swim, I don’t thinkanyonecould have stoppedyou.’
‘Rubbish,’ she spits scornfully. ‘If it hadn’t been for you,I’d have had a perfect wedding day. But as it was, I ended up looking like afreakin’ toothless wonder! And now we’re talking divorce.’
‘What?’ I stare at her, shocked.
‘Yes. D.E.V.O.R.S.E. Divorce. Like in that stupid countrysong.’ She narrows her eyes at me. ‘Actually, we didn’t even get as far asdivorce. We didn’t even make it to “I do”. Sean called the wedding off thedaybefore, and I willneverforgive you.’ And she marches off, leavingme standing there, trembling with shock, as passers-by look me over curiously,judgement in their eyes.
I’m still shaking when I reach the car, and I can feel awarning pulse at my temple. Fumbling in my bag, I find my pills and take one.It gets stuck in my throat and tastes foul but I’ve no water to wash it down.Tears blind me as I drive home.
Is it really my fault that Lila’s marriage was overbefore it even began?
Even in my distressed state, I know that’s not true. She justneeded someone to blame and that unfortunate someone was me. I need to forgetwhat just happened and move on. As long as I never bump into bloody Lilo again,I’ll be fine...
I phone Madison and tell her what just happened, and she’stotally incredulous at Lila’s behaviour, which makes me feel much better. Wetalk about the job at the Swan and she thinks it’s a great idea.
‘I’m not sure I’m up to it yet, though,’ I say doubtfully.‘Facing people.’
‘But it’s not as if you’ll have to deal with the guests.You’ll be working behind the scenes as a housekeeping assistant, probably onyour own a lot of the time. You’ll be fine, Martha.’
She talks me round, and I’m so fired up at the idea of a newstart, I sit in bed with my laptop and apply for the job immediately. I tellmyself it’s actually nothing to do with knowing I’ll see Logan again. But Iknow I’m only fooling myself.
Snuggling down once I’ve sent it off, I’m feeling good. Ienjoyed tonight. It wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be. And now Imight have a new job and a fresh start to look forward to.
The best thing of all is that even after all the stress ofleaving the house tonight and seeing people for the first time in ages, I’mfeeling perfectly fine. No signs of a migraine.
Maybe it’s a good omen, I think to myself, as I switch offthe light.
CHAPTER TWELVE
I’m starting work this morning and I’m trying hard to keepthe nerves under control.
What if Logan is there today?
He won’t be at the hotel all the time, obviously. He hasother clients to see.
I swallow hard, my thoughts as scrambled as the eggs Dadpersuaded me to eat for breakfast. I actually can’t decide if I really want tosee Logan – or I reallydon’t! And meanwhile, the iron hand is squeezingmercilessly, making me very much regret those scrambled eggs...
I drive slowly to the hotel, breathing deeply the whole way.
My migraines have been less regular over the past week or sosince I applied for the job. The last one I had was five days ago and it onlylasted twenty-four hours, which is a massive improvement. A little surge ofhope lifts my spirits. Sticking rigidly to my new way of eating is hopefullypaying off... avoiding all those potential triggers. It’shard work and rather tedious, but if it’s working, it’s worth all the effort.
A month ago, I could never have imagined I’d be startingwork today. A ‘normal life’ seemed like a total impossibility. But here I am!I’m nervous, of course, but who wouldn’t be, starting a brand-new job? But thething that’s keeping me going is the memory of how lovely housekeeper Anna wasat my interview. She was kind and understanding when I explained about theaccident. I really like the idea of working under her.
I wish my feelings about Logan were as straight forward.
I’m desperate to see him to explain everything...to tell him there was a very good reason why I couldn’t make it to the top ofthe clock tower that day. But my heart beats frantically every time I imaginerunning into him, and it’s not a good feeling. What if Logan doesn’t want tohear my explanation? He might not even believe me. What if he thinks it’s justan excuse and I never had any intention of turning up to meet him that day? Iprobably don’t look as if I’ve been ill. If I had a broken leg or somethinglike that, he’d know I was telling the truth. But all my problems have been onthe inside... not visible to the naked eye.
I think about mental health... my own andPrimrose’s. It’s so easy to make assumptions about people from outwardappearances, but the scars are sometimes beneath the surface. And I’m beginningto realise it’s often the things that peopledon’tsay that you shouldlisten to...
I gave Dad a good impression of being fine when I waved himoff to work earlier. But underneath the bravado, I felt sick every time I imaginedhow my first meeting with Logan would turn out. I just hope he’s not in thehotel today. I have enough to cope with, starting a new job!
When I walk into reception, the girl behind the desk smileswhen I tell her my name and that I’m starting work today.
