Page 113 of Drown Like Heaven
“I’ll tell you in the car.”
“Tell mehere,” I insisted. My knees were shaking, my breaths becoming uneven. A gust of wind blew across the yard, whipping my hair around my face, making the tree branches sway wildly, rippling the fabric of Mason’s shirt. Clouds darkened above us, sweeping in the start of a storm.
“In the car.” He was firm in his speech, but I could see in his eyes that he was shaken by something.
I stopped trying to get away. I stepped towards him, reaching up with my free hand to hold his face. His eyes slid shut for a moment at my touch on his cheek, his jaw, but he didn’t let go of my hand, as if he was afraid I’d run the second he loosened his grip.
I won’t run. I promise. Just don’t lock me in there with you.
Tell me what’s wrong.
“Mason,” I said softly, pressing up on my tiptoes to brush my lips over his. “Tell me.”
His eyebrows pulled together, pain filtering through his expression. He tightened his hold on my hand and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from wincing at the force of it.
“Would you let me fuck you right now?”
“Don’t change the subject.” My fingers were trembling slightly, still against the side of his face. “Look at me.”
“Why won’t you come with me?” he questioned, brown eyes latching onto mine.
“Iwill, I just…” My voice trailed off, the end of my response getting stolen by the wind. I didn’t even know what to say, really. All I knew was I didn’t want to get in that car with him. Not now, not when he was like this. I had no idea what he’d do.
“Thencome on,” he said while squeezing my hand, pulling me with him. His voice was cutting, angry, and it made me flinch, tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I just nodded, hating myself.
“Okay,” I breathed. “Okay. That’s fine.”
We walked up the slight incline to the parking lot through the grass, passing between the pine trees outlining the front of the lot, stepping into the shadows. There weren’t any other cars in the lot, weren’t any other people around. I swallowed. He wouldn’treallyhurt me, right?
I didn’t know.
Mason opened the passenger door for me and I climbed in without a fight, jolting in my seat when the door swung shut, my limbs feeling shaky. He went around the front of the car and climbed into the driver’s side, then put the key in the ignition and turned it, the engine rumbling to life. Warm air started blowing out of the vents and I wanted to turn it off, make it colder, or open the windows so I could get more oxygen.
But I kept my hands in my lap, nervously watching Mason lock the doors.
Every time I’m with you, I’m scared. Is that what you want?
I think so.
Why do you keep doing this shit to me?
Why do I keep letting you?
How many more of my own lines will I cross for you?
“Who are your professors this semester?” he asked. He was deflecting.
“I don’t really want—”
“Tell me,” he demanded louder, turning to face me,trappingme, making panic grip my chest.
I quickly reached for the door handle, but Mason leaned over faster, covering my hand with his own, stopping me from leaving. My heart started beating harder, dread and fear trickling through my blood. I had nowhere to run.
“Mason, I don’t think it matters who my professors are.”
“It matters.” He leaned forward, capturing my mouth with his own, kissing me. I softened for him, nervous, my pulse wild. “It matters, baby. Tell me.”
For some reason, I really,reallydidn’t want to tell him. It felt like something awful would happen if I did.
