Page 118 of Drown Like Heaven
“No. Not like that.”
Dr. Killshaw reached in quickly, slowing down the temperature change, correcting my second mistake. His freehand was still looped tight around my tender wrist, my pulse flying under his fingers. There was a sense of restrained strength in his grip, an invisible promise that he could hold me much more firmly than this.
“You have to lower it slowly or the glass will shatter. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the flask collecting the distillate, now filled with impurities. Tears put pressure behind my eyes, my lower lip quivering. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He guided my hand back to the dial, placing his fingers over mine so I was the one touching the grooved plastic knob again. The cloudy distillate was still spitting out into the flask. “You’re alright. You just need to hold it steadier than that. Watch the temperature now.”
“But the distillate—”
“Is already ruined. That doesn’t matter now. And this is research, not industry.”
Together, we watched the fog begin to thin in the column, the frantic bubbling slowing down as the temperature evened out. The metal was still emitting faint sounds of creaking and groaning, ratcheting my pulse higher again. Liquid threatened to climb into the condenser, but Dr. Killshaw just kept his hand over mine, slowly bringing us back to stability.
Heat radiated from his strong body behind mine, so close to me. Through my nerves, I still felt a pull towards him. A reminder of all the things I’d been willing to give him in his office.
A reminder of all the private fantasies involving that strong, warm body I’d allowed to play out in my mind.
It took a few minutes for the column to even out, and neither of us said anything while we waited. Once we were steady again, Dr. Killshaw moved me away from the column, then stood across from me, leaning back on a workbench.
“So, what just happened there?” he prodded.
“I overheated it.” I tried to keep my voice even, despite the anxious twist in my stomach making me nauseous. I hated the fact that I’d just screwed up so badly in front of him—especially since it was the first time he’d given me my own real responsibility.
“Yes. You turned the heat up too quickly. And then you also tried to bring it down too quickly.” His arms were crossed, gaze unsympathetic as he studied me, studied my reactions to him. Frustration was building in my chest. If he cared so much about this run, he should’ve been watching me closer, guiding me better.
I gritted my teeth, fingernails digging into my palms.
Humiliation was making warmth crawl up my throat.
I wanted to run out of the room and never come back, just shove out the door and disappear forever. My fingers trembled, itching to reach for the doorknob. I was tired of feeling dumb, sick of the uncertainty.
“Andwhydoes overheating destroy the separation?” Dr. Killshaw questioned, staring at me, scrambling my thoughts as I tried to straighten them.
I froze.
I grasped for an answer, feeling clueless and stupid, caught off-guard and unprepared to answer actual engineering questions in this moment. Mind whirling, I blurted my answer too fast, “Because the condenser can’t remove heat fast enough—”
“No,” he cut me off sharply. I squeezed my fists tighter, cheeks heating with embarrassment. “That’s the effect, not the cause. Again.”
“Because the top product comes out impure?” I couldn’t keep from faltering on the answer I already knew wasn’t correct.
Dr. Killshaw leaned closer, his voice low but cutting, his tone as cool as his gaze. “Still wrong. You’re naming symptoms. I asked for the principle.”
“The vapor—”
“You’re guessing,” he interrupted me again, taking a full step forward, his arms falling to his sides. Prowling towards me like a deadly predator. It was unnerving.
“I’m not guessing, I just—”
“You want to be quick more than you want to be accurate. Dangerous impulse, Masters. Try again.”
I swallowed, hard. My face was burning.
“Because too much heat floods the column and you lose the equilibrium.”
There was a long pause and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. I started to doubt myself again, fear creeping back into my mind.
