Page 149 of Drown Like Heaven
I didn’t get enough air this time.
The muscles of my chest convulsed, shoulders jerking. I bent my knees up to my chest, kicking into Mason’s thigh, but he didn’t move. My elbows bumped painfully on the sides of the tub, my hair knotting around my wrists.
I need air. Now.
In an instant, Mason yanked me up, slotting his mouth on mine as ifhewere my air.
His tongue in my mouth, my arms around his neck, my heart racing, I kissed him back without hesitation. I kissed himharder.
He could hold me under until I almost died, and I knew I’d still claw my way back for more. I needed him; I needed this from him. But I also knew I couldn’t live like this forever, because someday, I wouldn’t resurface. That was the inevitable, unfortunate truth.
My hair hung soaked and heavy down my back, stray strands sticking to my face, tangling between our mouths as I gasped.
“I hate you,” I whispered, meaning it this time.
“I know, baby. I know.”
I sucked in a breath of air, and then I was below the surface again, Mason’s hand pushing against the crown of my head to hold me down. Bubbles rushed and crashed around my ears as he shoved me down, down, down. We were never going to last. We weren’t meant to. This wasn’t affection, wasn’t anything tender.
It wasgravity.
A fundamental law of the universe. The force of attraction that existed between any two objects, pulling them toward each other. Inevitable, merciless, destined to crush us under the weight of our own darkness.
Our orbit was doomed to decay, ending only in a collision that would shatter us both.
I opened my eyes, staring up at Mason through the choppy water, looming over me as he pushed my thighs apart. He looked just like he had in every fantasy I’d conjured alone in my own bathtub, holding myself underwater and imagining him there above me…but the fear wasrealthis time. Visceral. An addictive flavor on my tongue.
The sharp pain in my lungs contrasted with the sick pleasure between my legs, Mason’s fingers shoving into my throbbing pussy. His palm rubbed my clit, his other hand bracketing my throat, keeping me pinned, trapped, helpless.
It felt so good I let my thighs fall farther apart, the bones of my knees hitting the sides as I lifted my hips to his touch. Mason curled his fingers inside of me, fucking me while still stimulating my clit. My entire body felt impossibly hot; the bathwater, Mason’s body heat, and my own arousal spreading fire in my veins.
The urge to breathe rose in my chest, making me jerk under Mason’s palm on my throat. His fingers squeezed tighter and my eyes slid shut, the image of him drowning me being replaced by blackness. My heartbeat thundered in my skull.
Instinct taking over, I started trying to push off the bottom of the tub, my hands slipping on the surface while I scrabbled for purchase. Mason leaned into me, knuckles brushing my collarbone as his forearm barred my chest, putting me back down.
My blood rushed so fast it stung my skin.
I needed air. I was exhausted, tired of fighting him, sick of constantly clawing my way towards the surface and never gaining any ground.
I can’t imagine staying with him like this.
I can’t imagine leaving him, either.
I don’t even know what to imagine when it comes to Mason, but I do know it’s going to be bad in the end. Destructive. Devastating.
My consciousness was fading, slipping away into the black, my body going lax. I didn’t have any more strength.Am I really going to pass out right now?
Finally, Mason let go, dragging me up, his hands cradling my face.
I felt so sleepy, so weak, my head rolling against his palm.
He pulled me to him, holding me at his chest, keeping us low enough in the water to stay warm, and I wanted to cry because of it. I wanted to sob. I wanted to melt into a puddle of tears, dissolve into my weakness. He always did this. He made me feel safest at the exact moment I should run.
Because that was what I needed to do now.Run. Before he got another chance to push me under, and to maybe never let me resurface.
But I couldn’t run when he held me like this.
I breathed and breathed, until there was enough oxygen in my brain to start thinking straight again. Carefully, I disentangled my body from his, drifting away to my own side of the tub. It was funny looking at him now, kneeling fully clothed in the water. This was the second time we’d been in a similar situation, the first time being on the shower floor.I guess the combination of me and water is too difficult for him to resist.
