Page 168 of Drown Like Heaven
Fuck. What am I doing?
A tight heat crept through my body, low and throbbing, building,building.
“Do you like knowing I could kill you? Not being sure if I’ll do it or not?”
He was shoving me down now, forcing my head back so I was upside down. I grabbed his wrist with both hands like he was my lifeline, unable to grab onto anything else, terribly aware that if he wasn’t here, holding me up, I might fall right off.
“You’re so fucking reckless, letting me do this to you. Trusting me like this. Think of what I could do to you right now.”
It was all I could think about. Those terrible possibilities. Violent, brutal need.
Micah lowered his voice, rubbing his thumb on my clit, leaning even closer to me.
“What if I let go?”
What if?
What if you really did it?
I couldn’t even fight him like I secretly wanted to, because I was too afraid more earth would crumble away if I moved too much. I didn’t know how much stability I had left. All I could do was dig my nails into his forearm, feel the air whipping around me, feel a ruthless sort of pleasure claiming my entire body.
I was going tocome. Just like this, with my head two-hundred feet above the ground.
Nothing to hold onto. Nothing but air around me.
No nets, no rules, no faking it.
No safe word.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight as my orgasm ripped through me, powerful and sharp, tearing me apart into a thousand pieces.
Micah had me in his arms and several yards away from the edge before I lost the buzz of my high, sucking the taste of me off his fingers, watching my face—probably trying to see if he’d broken my mind or something.Unfortunately not. This is far from the worst thing I want someone to do to me.
Far from the worst thing someone’sdoneto me.
Victim.
Prey.
Craving death by my own predator, letting him take me too far into the woods with nobody around, nobody even knowing where I am, who I’m with, letting him fingerfuck me off the edge of a two-hundred foot fucking cliff.
I scrambled to my feet, buttoning and zipping my jeans, brushing my hair out of my face. I couldn’t stop myself from switching up on him.So stupid. Like always.
Craving dangerous, risky sex was just craving some version of the ruin I’d grown up choking on.Taboo. I hated that fucking word, hated all the fake brother-sister porn plastered all over the internet like it wasn’t the very thing that’d destroyed my entire life.
“Dakota,” Micah said, standing with me, following me as I stalked towards the trail.
In the back of my head, I knew I would never be more than Micah’s secret. Some part of me hated that. Some part of me was sick of being a dirty secret.
But it was all I’d ever been, so what did I really care?
It was my own fault for allowing myself to feel so much for him. I’d known the conditions going into this.
“Dakota,” he said again, grabbing my shoulder. “Walk with me.” He slipped his hand in mine, squeezing hard enough Icouldn’t yank my arm away. I didn’t want him to be looking at me right now, but I could feel that he was.
“Did you like that? Did I entertain you?” I asked, shame clogging my throat.
“I liked it because I likeyou. I didn’t do that shit toentertain myself.I did it because I had to, because I need to know you on that level.” He paused to let me respond, but I didn’t. “Eat dinner with me at my house.”
